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Original poster

Children with mother’s surname?

96 replies

Cassie85 · 24/12/2018 15:28

Hey everyone!

Wasn’t sure if this was suitable to be posted here but hopefully it is.

Just wondering how many of you guys have children with mother’s surname?

My DS has my surname, which I am very pleased about. His father was appalled at this idea but I stood my ground with it. We weren’t married when DS was born, and our relationship wasn’t great and has since ended. I am so pleased I stuck to my guns about this.

A few people have asked me if I feel bad about this, haha. The answer is that I don’t, I don’t see why men assume that the surname is an automatic thing and not even up for discussion.

What do people think?

OP posts:

MissDai5y · 24/12/2018 19:03

Our dd has both surnames as we're not married. Not double barrelled, just 2 surnames as surnames.

That way when she's older she can go by one or the other although legally both.

If/when we marry I will take the same format as dd. Dp can figure out what he wants, although pil sent a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs x y this year... Maybe a hint :-)

Natsku · 24/12/2018 20:40

Have two children, the first has her father's name (my ex), we were considering changing it to mine after I got sole custody but then he died and now it feels wrong to take that connection away from her.

Youngest has my name. Me and his dad are happily together but I said I wanted him to have my name and he was fine with that (briefly considered changing his name to mine too but it wouldn't be the best idea work-wise as mine is the foreign name and that would affect things negatively unfortunately)

MummySharkDoDo · 24/12/2018 20:48

I think about this and I sometimes wonder if age is a factor. I was Young when I met and married dh and didn’t think about not changing my name.
Now though I certainly would to go through the mess of professional name changes, nor give up the adult identity I’ve forged. I’d keep my name and certainly name children with my name if unmarried.
Back then though my name was more just a family/ father thing and changing it was all part of the break from the family home and childhood.

Anyone want to debunk my theory???

Micke · 24/12/2018 20:55

One of my kids has dp's surname, one has mine (both same father)

I thought my mil would be scandalized, but she actually approved (and was far more shocked that we decided not to get either of them baptised)

Catsrus · 24/12/2018 20:55

I got married 30yrs ago. Kept my name. DC have my last name. We decided boys would have his, girls mine. We had girls. Not a problem. They are all adults now and know they have options about their own names and those of their children.

elQuintoConyo · 24/12/2018 21:40

Hushabyelullaby Spanish surnames can be either

Dave Dad Mum
Or
Dave Mum Dad.

If couples can't decide which order to put them, the registrar puts them alphabetically.

DS was born in Barcelona in 2011 and is Dave Mum Dad.

RedDwarves · 24/12/2018 21:44

Any children I have will have my surname, and I wouldn't have children with a man who would be "appalled" by that concept.

Sarahandduck18 · 24/12/2018 23:01

Women do pregnancy therefore it’s only fair that dcs get the mother’s name.

Voice0fReason · 24/12/2018 23:19

I hate the judgement dished out to women for their choices.
I chose to take my husband's surname as my own. We talked about it and decided that is what we wanted to do. A conscious, deliberate decision.
The only thing I want to see is more couples making deliberate choices about this, rather than going along with the traditional expectation. But I won't judge a woman who has done just that.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 24/12/2018 23:22

DS had my maiden name, although I changed my name when I married. We sprays said to him he could change his name when he's old enough if he felt strongly about it, but now he's an adult he says he likes his name and it's easier to keep it as it is. DH would have changed his name when we married but I wanted to change mine.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 24/12/2018 23:22

*always Not sprays....

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 24/12/2018 23:29

I kept my own surname when I married 20+ years ago, whereas DD, who arrived 10 years later, has DH's surname. We talked about her surname at length before she was born and I discovered that although I identified strongly with my surname for myself, it didn't really matter to me whether she had mine or his. DH, on the other hand, felt more like he would like that extra bond with her, so she ended up with his.

Having said this, had we not been happily and stably married (and had I had any doubts about him whatsoever) then I would probably have insisted on my name.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 24/12/2018 23:30

Ds has my surname and im glad he does

Adorelabradors · 24/12/2018 23:35

ALL of my children have my husbands surname. I have kept my own surname. We got married when I was 17 years old and he was 18 years old. I’m in my late 30s now and it is unlikely that I will change it!!!

I do think it is somewhat odd but for professional reasons I also want to keep it that way!!!

We don’t share a bank account either

stinkypoo · 24/12/2018 23:45

My 'maiden name' wasn't my Mums or my Dads - my mum had been married and still had her married name when I was born, but this was the surname I was given, not my Dads name.
I hasn't ever felt like mine though, I had absolutely no history with that name so it has never really mattered to me what my surname is.
I was happy to change when I got married, then my children had our family name.
Now divorced but won't be changing my name back - it's more important to me to have the same surname as my DD, for travelling if nothing else.

NataliaOsipova · 24/12/2018 23:52

This is interesting. Wasn’t an issue for me as I took DH’s name when we married, so our DC have “our” surname (ie the same as mine). If we hadn’t been married, they’d definitely have had mine.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 25/12/2018 00:23

Not the biggest of big deals. I’m in the camp of let people choose what they are comfortable with, and where possible procreate with those on the same page!!

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 25/12/2018 07:11

A deliberate conscious decision set against the backdrop that in this country and culture, it’s nearly always the woman who changes her name to the man’s, going back to concepts of marriage as ownership. Sorry, but that is not a decision that is entirely neutral, and pretending it is is naive. It’s echoing the modern libfem tendency to say that feminism is the right to do what you want, while ignoring that the choice of what you want is extremely influenced by patriarchal structures. We can’t have liberation of women until those structures are challenged and broken down.
Merry Christmas (although I don’t celebrate it)

AnotherEmma · 25/12/2018 07:24

^ THIS

Snog · 25/12/2018 08:11

I'm not married so my dd has my surname. I'm still with her dad 20 years later and we are still not married.

I find it ridiculous and patriarchal for children to take their fathers surname if it is different to the mothers name.

HairyStorm · 25/12/2018 10:37

DD has my surname. Her father wasn't massively happy about it, had apparently always assumed his kids would have his name. I told him when he carried and birthed them he could name them whatever he liked, and if he really wanted the same name as his daughter I had no objection to him taking my name.

Always made more sense to me, to give a baby its mother's name. Maternity isn't ever really doubtful in the way that paternity is.

PippilottaLongstocking · 25/12/2018 10:39

My boys have my surname, I have my mum’s surname, she has her mum’s surname!

Montybabe · 25/12/2018 10:53

I didn’t change my name on marriage and we decided that if we had a girl then she would take my husbands name and a boy would take my name. Subsequent children would have the same name as the first.

DH wanted to blend our names and we all changed them which I think would’ve been a better option years later. A double barreled name wouldn’t gave worked well.

Absentwomen · 25/12/2018 11:07

My children (in their thirties) have my name as their surname and both have their dad's as their middle names.

The state of all our parents faces in the 80s still makes me laugh.

insancerre · 25/12/2018 11:13

So what happens when 2 people with double barrelled surnames have a baby?
A baby with 4 surnames?

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