Looking snug in the gulag

[hackmum]

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm starting to look forward to my re-education in the gulag. Not only will it be full of fabulous Mumsnetters, but Martina Navratilova will be there, along with Jenni Murray, Janice Turner, Julie Bindel, Kathleen Stock, Graham Linehan and now Robert Webb. In other words, some of the coolest people I can think of.

Anyone else want to join me?

This gulag is looking better and better. I am great at baking (hangs head in shame at gender-conformity) so will be able to keep you all going with cupcakes and breads and biscuits and pavlovas and cakes and...

I’m in. Will help with the shelves and bring prosecco (and my trusty spirit level) and my rescue dog, who can absolutely tell the difference between male and female humans. She only hates women if they are wearing puffa jackets.

(Probably best to locate the gulag somewhere balmy, so all puffa jackets can be left at home)

Hi. I make lovely quilts and can do a bit of upholstery. Would like to join please.

I can't make anything useful but I can play the piano for community singing. I am woman, hear me roar.

I'm in - shit at anything domestic but am like Radar from MASH - good at getting people to do stuff and acquiring stuff

All these talented and capable women. Happy to also work with other engineering/ tech women to set up our off grid power etc. Not my domain but I could advise on user interface design and would love to be the person passing the screwdriver and learning

Let me take you to the place
Where membership's a cis-gal’s face
Rub shoulders with sisters
Where TAs take you by the hand
And welcome you to gulag-land
From beneath their bandanas

Club Gulag, drinks are free
GC thoughtcrime, there's enough for everyone
All that's missing is the T
But don't worry, you can radfem!

Feminists and allies meet
Then dance around in Gulag's heat
All friends: straight, bi and gay
Evening, morning, afternoon
Cocktail time, a rousing tune
A lifetime holiday!

Club Gulag, drinks are free
GC thoughtcrime, there's enough for everyone
All that's missing is the T
But don't worry, you can radfem!

Pack your bags
And leave tonight
Don't take your time
Gotta move your feet, don't you miss the flight!

You hum it, hipster, I'll play it!

Hipster

Haha hipster

I have a feeling that the fabulous Dr Jen Gunter would be there with us and provide:

i) medical care;
ii) non-stop entertainment and morale boosting.

twitter.com/DrJenGunter

Whoa, ErrolTheDragon who knew what I started with Badley Fuckwitt!
Will have to be extra careful when coming through the Portal now.

Speaking on behalf of fellow spinners, we'll be there; hair in a braid.
And anyone who thinks Granny Weatherwax would be a TRA is wrong.

Budge up ladies, I have leftover turkey

I'm also quite useful at admin and accounts, can I have a cushy office job? Breaking rocks plays havoc with my nails!

(That's a lie. I'm mid-50s and I have never ever had a manicure. Maybe one of you ladies could oblige? )

I think we may need to make space for the makers of the 'Ladybird books for grownups' in the Gulag look at their calendar!

Pft. I just spat rum and coke ALL over my laptop screen ffs!

(Did I mention I also have rum? Evil rum from Majorca. 53% and tastes like chocolate. Mmmmmm)

I have plenty of turkey biryani and prosecco...

Am not much good after a couple of drinks but otherwise I can get the gulag website sorted on the dark web

I can’t think of anywhere nicer! I’m sorry though I will have to bring the 2 year old but he’s at that funny and cute stage, just having a bit of trouble with the word no.

I have loads of wine though and I love cooking, I’ll bring my big pot and the spice cupboard.

Lemme in

This is all tres cosy. You do realize you've made it all sound so fabulous you'll have queues of trans-identified people identifying as GC so they can get in? And we'll all be bigots for making the gulag so exclusionary.

I have plenty Bailey's though, and a fuckton of mince pies still to pass round so budge up a bit and I shall treat you all to my excellent rendition of Del Amitri's Roll to Me.

I'm in... squeeze up

Oh yeah, baileys. I have salted caramel baileys.

You can keep the mince pies though. Bleugh.

Why do you think I have so many? Large family, people appear to think we need to be gifted with boxes and boxes of mince pies. It's apparently the done thing to foist damp pastry filled with rubble in tar to people who have more than two children "because we know you have a lot of mouths to feed!"

I could do with some more mince pies. I CBA to make any; DH bought some from M&S but the mincemeat didn't have quite the acidic edge it should have had - they tasted somewhat like a moister Chorley cake. Not bad, but not quite satisfactory.

I preferred to make my own back in the days when I was a Little House on the Prairie style homemaker. Shop pastry is too soft and sweet, I like to make own with a butter and lard mix, but I've already wasted too many years of my life rubbing fat into crumbs.