Normalisation of sexual fetishism

[QuietContraryMary]

Just reading this story about a man with infantilism abusing a child

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/sick-abuser-nappy-fetish-jailed-15579002

There are NHS doctors such as Dr. Christina Richards (transgender, gender clinic psychologist) who have written books www.amazon.co.uk/Sexuality-Gender-Mental-Health-Professionals/dp/085702843X?tag=mumsnetforum-21 to say all such fetishes are perfectly healthy, not paraphilic or to be judged. Indeed the phrase 'kink shaming' is used against those who suggest that role-playing paedophilia or similar activities is harmful.

What do we think about the 'thou shalt not judge' culture of saying that all sexual behaviour is a matter for those practising it?

"When I grew up most boys first saw naked women in loose pages of Razzle they found in parks or on railway embankments. And things were pretty hairy back then so they couldn’t see much."

Yes this, so much this. FHM used to sell 700,000 copies by having pictures of women in bikinis.

Now they have gone bust because teenage boys can wank off to rape porn online and nobody is interested in the sort of stuff that was until quite recently the limits of taste & decency but now is tamer than a Victorian table leg.

In the early 90s I was called out as freaky for having underarm hair! I had to stop shaving as I developed a very painful abscess.

The brain is malleable after all.

This point bears repeating. The combination of visual stimulus reinforced by orgasm is a powerful force. There’s a significant rise in young men who are unable to orgasm without porn after prolonged exposure. This then has direct real life impact on their relationships as they seek increased stimulus.

I personally believe that violent porn is societally harmful. pointing that out gets you a pile on usually as people miss the point and inisist they use it fine. But the point isn’t that - it’s that normalising what were more extreme acts changes the sexual climate for everyone.
I’ve mentioned this before but I was a teen in the late 80/90s period and popular culture has changed HUGELY since then in relation to how sex is presented. In the mid 90s there was a much stronger climate of mutuality - female pleasure was something men boasted about being good at. Now it seems like sex is done TO women, not WITH them. The language article linked above shows how the language has changed too. But next time there’s one of those ‘best of the nineties’ shows on look at the music videos - see the difference in the Male/female dynamic.

There will always be people wanting to shift what is acceptable to benefit them. We need to be able to name what’s happening and point it out when it does. We need strong safeguarding frameworks and no groups should be able to circumvent them by claiming special status. We need clarity in the law and a willingness to enforce it. We need to hold the media to high standards and challenge things like how Natalie Connolly was portrayed (and how previous female victims have been portrayed.)

It seems like the worst thing you can be accused of at the moment is prudery, biogotry or being vanilla.

I personally crave straightforward vanilla sex.

'het vanilla sex'...really? The way you phrase things..

Exactly. There is nothing wrong with being heterosexual. There is nothing wrong with sex that’s gentle. And I will repeat what someone said on another thread, which is the definition of vanilla as ‘anything where a woman isn’t being hurt.’

The idea that sex where the weaker party (because it is almost always the woman ) isn’t being hurt is somehow lesser/crap/sad/boring is disturbing to me.

And I will repeat what someone said on another thread, which is the definition of vanilla as ‘anything where a woman isn’t being hurt.’

So a woman fisting a man is vanilla? I need to radically reassess my online dating filters.

There is a contradiction is kink-positive culture is saying (a) there’s norhing shameful about fetishes, and (b) don’t call AGP a fetish as you are shaming people.

Mephistopheles Devil's advocate much?

I have stopped online dating because it's no longer safe.

I personally crave straightforward vanilla sex.

Right now I’d settle for vanilla ice cream.

I personally crave straightforward vanilla sex.

Quite. I'd far rather be worshipped towards a shuddering orgasm, than degraded into one.

Right now I’d settle for vanilla ice cream

I confess to having a fetish, plain vanilla ice cream is boring without a flake.

There is an important comparison between the implied value judgement, characterisation and /or positioning of 'het vanilla sex' vs everything else and 'cis-normals' vs queer umbrella

Right now I’d settle for vanilla ice cream.

I tried to find some good vanilla ice cream the other day and guess what? I couldn't find any!

We've had scores of reports come in about this thread and need some time to go through it. We're suspending posting on it while we do this - hopefully it'll be possible to get things back on track.