Normalisation of sexual fetishism

[QuietContraryMary]

Just reading this story about a man with infantilism abusing a child

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/sick-abuser-nappy-fetish-jailed-15579002

There are NHS doctors such as Dr. Christina Richards (transgender, gender clinic psychologist) who have written books www.amazon.co.uk/Sexuality-Gender-Mental-Health-Professionals/dp/085702843X?tag=mumsnetforum-21 to say all such fetishes are perfectly healthy, not paraphilic or to be judged. Indeed the phrase 'kink shaming' is used against those who suggest that role-playing paedophilia or similar activities is harmful.

What do we think about the 'thou shalt not judge' culture of saying that all sexual behaviour is a matter for those practising it?

Anyone with even the most passing acquaintance with humanity should be incensed by that sentence bowl

What do we think about the 'thou shalt not judge' culture of saying that all sexual behaviour is a matter for those practising it?

It’s an interesting question. I guess most is, and some isn’t. Where you draw that lineis the question. In theory I suppose where consensual ends and where private ends.

Having said that - you can argue that many choices aren’t truly free, and that cultural environment influences what’s normal . I know we’ve seen threads on here where young women (a poster’s daughter ) were consenting to acts they didn’t really want to because the message they were getting from society is ‘everyone does it, there’s something wrong with you if you dont.’ That’s not a true consent.

I know a couple of friends my age getting back into dating after divorce who are funding men are expecting acts that they are uncomfortable with.

That societal creep - that’s a problem

PS - if you’ve ever sold used women’s shoes on eBay you will probably be painfully aware that foot fetishists do not all confine their behaviour to the bedroom, nor indulge only with consenting others.

🤢

Yeah, I’m increasingly thinking like that betty.

What works in theory and what happens in real life are often rather different. The ridicule of ‘vanilla’ as a mode of shagging is interesting too. Someone on here defined vanilla as ‘anything where a woman isn’t being hurt.’ And that certainly gave me pause for thought.

Individual choices vs choices made in the context of the pervasive culture. Probably entire books written on that.

What I find terrifying is when people post their horror and revulsion at seeing ‘incest porn’ and ‘barely legal/teen porn’ emblazoned across mainstream pornography sites and they are laughed at and belittled - ‘oh, it’s not real incest / the actresses are actually legal but just look young’ as though that makes it acceptable. The fact that choking, humiliating and brutalising women is just ‘normal’ pornography and teenage girls are expected to have anal sex with their boyfriends and if you don’t think it’s normal, you are prudish or hilariously ‘vanilla’. The language and expectations around sex - that men express how they want to ‘smash that’ or ‘ruin it’ when they are talking about wanting to have sex with a woman - it all contributes to a horrifying environment in which men are literally beating and torturing women to death and claiming that she consented because she was just kinky. It’s sickening and it’s depraved and I think the majority of porn out there IS shameful and extremely dangerous.

That's an odd turn of phrase ravenlover - 'consensual light spanking'.

Yes Captain great post.

captain
Hear hear. 👍

ravenlover your experience must have been just horrific and I am so very sorry that it happened to you.

You are, though, de-railing this thread or at the very least wilfully misunderstanding posters on here. Why would you do that?

And let's not forget the evil bastards at Teen Vogue with their brainwashing 'how to have anal sex' guide aimed at 11 year old girls. www.teenvogue.com/story/anal-sex-what-you-need-to-know

Let's not be under any illusion that this stuff is promoting harmful behaviour

Good posts Captain & Contrary Mary.
I worry so much for our children's safety - both girls and boys - in the light of these attitudes and the relentless creep of the 'fetishes are to be celebrated' brigade.

"Accusing a child rape victim"

I don't see the relevance of this here except as an attempt to silence & control the debate.

"Claiming that pedophila is just another form of sexual fetish "

Nobody has done that.

I think it’s probably really important to link these two threads together:

Warning - Includes graphic description of intimate injury, leading to death.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3456679--TRIGGER-WARNING-Powerful-message-from-a-midwife-re-the-murder-of-Natalie-Connolly-TRIGGER-WARNING

Hear hear captain. And bowl.

A whole lot of shit is being pushed as normal and acceptable these days that just plain isn't. I think a whole generation of girls are already out there having been utterly gaslit by porn.

I've also got friends going back into the dating scene and finding it's a different world. At least they have the generational experience to make the comparison.

And people like Madigan pushing prostitution as a positive work option for victims of austerity.

Sorry but ravenlover is ringing some alarm bells with me.

We shouldn't forget Stonewall appointing to their 'trans advisory board' someone accused of knowingly employing a paedophile and publishing their personal nappy fetish online. What message does that give to adolescents turning to such a 'charity' for advice?

At least they have the generational experience to make the comparison.

Yup. I’d not be putting up with that shit. Sex is supposed to be fun for both parties, not something one party does to another. As a young woman though, who knows how I’d have reacted? Probably with more accommodation and less ‘not a chance, pal.’

But raven that is NOT what people are saying. Why are you pretending that they are?

None of this is OK - yet it is so hard to talk about. You are generally piled on and being accused of being a prude / uptight/ censorious (take your pick) . Back in the day we were able to identify children being exposed to 'age inappropriate' materials - films, tv, magazines or adults without boundaried - and put measures in place to protect them. Nowadays even mainstream TV "celebrates" kinks resulting in children being exposed to what is often traumatising material, yet people don't appear to care.