Women who aren't feminists

[HumourlessFeminist]

I've been thinking about this for a while.

I was blissfully unaware of feminism for far too long 😳, probably until a few years after DS was born (and after a few years of MNing). Is this a relatively common experience for women? Are women more likely to become feminists as they experience more of what the patriarchy pushes upon them throughout their lives? And why do some women never become feminists?

I find the need to have read and understood feminist theory stuff to post here excluded me and puts me off posting.

I find those posts difficult to read too GreenEggsHamandChips, where posters argue that the rights of women override the rights of even more vulnerable like those with a disability (as the other day with posters arguing that it was ok to use an accessible changing room because the op didn't want to use a unisex shower) or where young children are expected to left on their own because women insist their right to privacy trumps a child's right to be safe. I just don't agree with arguments like that and can't get on board with a movement that centres women ahead of the disabled or children.

Interestingly I was reading a thread last night with a poster complaining that her 8 year old child doesn't listen to her - that day she had broken 2 glasses doing things that she had been told not to do - and the thread was full of posts agreeing that their children also didn't listen or do as they were told. Many posters then said that was normal for children of that age. Then you come here to be told that 8yr old boys can easily be left alone in a changing room or toilet and if they can't then there is something amiss and as a parent you need to sort it. Whilst elsewhere it's considered normal for an 8yr old to do silly or impulsive things, or to not listen.

I find the need to have read and understood feminist theory stuff to post here excluded me and puts me off posting.

I agree and as women we are affected every day by things. We can have opinions on those issues without having the required level of education in feminist issues surely?

"where young children are expected to left on their own because women insist their right to privacy trumps a child's right to be safe"
If this is about changing rooms, it is not about women's need for privacy. It is about children's right to privacy.

"I agree and as women we are affected every day by things. We can have opinions on those issues without having the required level of education in feminist issues surely?"

Of course. But if you make categorical statements about "feminists" then surely you should expect to be asked to expand on them?

As a general rule I've always considered the right to privacy behind the right to safety. Incidentally the right to privacy is the parapet the family court hides its victimisation of women behind.

"It like putting out the BBQ while rome burns. (And the BBQ might not end up not being a bad thing in the long run anyway)"
But the BBQ might also set fire to Milan because the people in Milan didn't learn from what happened in Rome.....
(We've constructed quite a good metaphor between us.....

So the view that any and every man is a potential rapist because they belong to the class that is male

No. Not that. This:

How are women supposed to be able to tell the difference between a decent man and a potential rapist?

You see rapists don't wear special hats; bloody nuisance but there it is.

Or it could just be something to cook burgers on and the idea it will burn down any town catastrophizing. And actually I quite like burgers

zzzzz (waves) i did find anyone suggesting you were a man quite amusing given you are well known mum on the SN board and we have spoken (me in various different guises) before.

I think living your life as though every man might rape you is unhealthy..

I agree (who wouldn't?) that would make a trip to Tesco unbearable.

But when you're alone at a bus stop late at night? Or using the ladies and a bloke with a beard and some lippy who feels like a lady comes in? One doesn't have to have been a victim of a violent assault to be cautious around men because enough of them are vile.

But when you're alone at a bus stop late at night? Or using the ladies and a bloke with a beard and some lippy who feels like a lady comes in? One doesn't have to have been a victim of a violent assault to be cautious around men because enough of them are vile.

What about assuming all the men who want to have a relationship with a woman are about to rape you cos statistically you are far more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted within a relationship than you are by a man (particularly by a man in lipstick) at a busstop or in the loos?

At what point do you draw the line?

It really is a deeply unhealthy way to live.

I don't live my life thinking every man might rape me. I also don't live my life thinking that every car journey will kill me - but I do take precautions. Why is the one sensible and the other not?

We've had some people who are castigating others for 'living their lives as if every man will rape them' castigating a poster yesterday for her 'poor choice of men'.

don't live my life thinking every man might rape me. I also don't live my life thinking that every car journey will kill me - but I do take precautions. Why is the one sensible and the other not?

I agree.

And why can't one say it's good to be cautious around strange men in certain circumstances only to have that strawmanned into "I live my life as though every man might rape me".

It really is unfair to put words like that into people's mouths.

VickyEadie

No-one was castigating anyone. The question arose as to where there were points of difference. If you can then raise those points of disagreement there's no discussion.

I don't personally know what you are talking about. Whoever's referred to can't defend themselves because the comments are so general and without context even they might not know who they are. Besides which I'd find the need for someone the defend themselves distasteful as that puts the direction of thread towards personal attacks which tends to shut down discussions.

Amusingly i think, although im not sure, your accusing someone of posting contradictorily and hypocritically. By suggesting that somone has made a poor choice of man it assumes there are decent men out there. That's kinda the opposite of assuming all men are bastards.

who's assuming all men are bastards? Saying that all men are potentially rapists doesn't equal all men are bastards so don't even try that one.

so why do we have sex segregated spaces at all, then? I mean, I know DH isn't a rapist, so on my (or his) say so you'd be happy to share a communal shower with him? Have him pissing next to you in a public loo? Happy for any child to share these spaces with him?

Of course you wouldn't.

castigating a poster yesterday for her 'poor choice of men'.

Yes that was in response to her saying she gad canvassed the men that she knew and their responses had been very concerning.

I think that if I asked male friends if they would rape a woman under certain circumstances and they said yes then I would have a serious look at who I was associating with.

I wholeheartedly agree with this point, zzzzz. When I used a similar analogy the other day I was branded a racist.

The fact of the matter is that black people are overrepresented in crime statistics but we all know it's unreasonable to treat every POC as a potential criminal. This is no different.