Pregnant Dad-to-be

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"I hope it's human". www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/parenting/pregnancy/expecting/108554713/pregnant-kiwi-dadtobe-getting-ready-to-welcome-first-child-around-christmas?cid=app-iPhone

Apologies for the ridiculously long link (hope it works), I'm on my phone.

Maybe it's the fact I'm 39 weeks pregnant myself but the phrase "chest-feeding" does make me feel a little ill.

Interesting that apparently in NZ Scout can be put down as the Father on the birth certificate, and since a sperm donor was used, completely eliminates the concept of "mother"

FloralBunting ask any adoptive parent, any non birth mother, what is more important, truth or love?

I think these days adoptive parents are not encouraged to lie to their children and not tell them about their birth parents.

There is no comparison to a deliberate fiction being written onto a child's birth certificate. An adoptive child has their original birth certificate and an adoption certificate that shows their adoptive parents. Not the same at all.

Truth and love are not mutually exclusive.
Ask any social worker if someone who couldn't deal with reality should be chosen as an adoptive parent. No one should use children as props in their fantasy life.

Jezebelz, I'm always somewhat disturbed by people who think that love and truth are not natural bedfellows.

My child had two female parents listed on her birth certificate.

Are ppl saying this is not right? Are we using our child as a prop in a fantasy life?

The non-pregnant parent is not recorded as the father, they are recorded as the second parent, for same-sex female couples that are married. It's not a fiction, as the marriage gives you parental responsibility.

Jezebelz, did you tell your child that the mother who didn't give birth was actually the father of that child? I shouldn't think you did. And presumably at one point, once the child is old enough to understand reproduction and asks a question about the specifics of parenting, you'll explain the father was a donor, not that he didn't exist and is actually one of you?

Jezebelz - please stop using the offensive term "cis". It is banned on this forum. In case you hadn't taken the time to read the guidelines that everyone else has to abide by - you know now. If you do it three times within a six week period, your posting privileges may be withdrawn. I suggest reading the rules. If we evil feminists have to stick by them, I don't see why you shouldn't have to. Thanks.

I think these days adoptive parents are not encouraged to lie to their children and not tell them about their birth parents.

Indeed they are not. We are also now beginning to find that donor conceived adults often experience identity issues. Some studies show that about half of such adults object to anonymous donation. We have no idea how the children of trans parents are going to feel as adults. Caution should be advised and no parents should centre their personal identities above the needs of their child.

As far as our child is concerned she has two mothers. This isn't biologically true but does it matter?

As far as Scout's child is concerned, the father was the one who gave birth. This isn't biologically true but does it matter?

Struggling to see how one scenario is okay and one isn't. Both children were conceived using a sperm donor and will be told at an appropriate age.

Caution should be advised and no parents should centre their personal identities above the needs of their child.

What caution would you advise Lang? Are you disagreeing with the concept of lesbians having children using sperm donation?

Because one scenario involves the fact of one biological mother and one adoptive mother, and one involves the lie that a father gave birth and there is no mother.

Can't honestly understand why you can't see that could be a difficulty for the child to deal with or that there may be wider consequences for them going forward?

Well that’s just it. Biology does matter. It matters for medics working out what’s is wrong with people and it matters to women because if they had Male biology they wouldn’t be treated like dirt.

What caution would you advise Lang? Are you disagreeing with the concept of lesbians having children using sperm donation?

Projection.

I said that studies show about half of donor conceived adults feel that anonymous donation should not be allowed. Because, as with adoptees, these things can cause identity issues.

Nobody knows how the children of trans adults will come to adulthood and whether or not they will be susceptible to similar identity issues as some adoptees and donor conceived people.

But what we do know is that giving children accurate and full information reduces the chances.

Any parent - trans, adoptive, natural or otherwise - should put the needs and potential needs of the child before their own personal identities. Unsure why you'd have a problem with that.

The advice I've read is mostly to tell children the (simplified) facts as early as possible, whatever the scenario. There's a whole range of picturebooks aimed at age 3 plus covering differing situations:

www.dcnetwork.org/catalog/books-children

The advice I've read is mostly to tell children the (simplified) facts as early as possible, whatever the scenario.

Precisely this. It results in the best outcomes for the child.

Narcissistic parents whining muh identitah are not thinking of the child.

LangCleg anonymous sperm donation is not allowed in the UK. Laws passed a while ago mean the child must be able to contact the donor when they turn 18 if they wish. And quite right.

Not sure of the law in NZ but there is no mention in the article of Scout's sperm donor being anonymous.

@kesstrel thank you for sharing the link! These books look great and our daughter is the right age where she will understand.

LangCleg anonymous sperm donation is not allowed in the UK. Laws passed a while ago mean the child must be able to contact the donor when they turn 18 if they wish. And quite right.

Stop avoiding what I actually say. Respond to the substantive point I'm making or I'd rather you didn't address me.

Lang well you did bold the word anonymous ...

There is no such thing as cis. Stop using it.
Only women can have babies. I can’t believe I have to write that in 2018.
The fact that this is a ‘news’ story only underlines the complete narcissism of these people. I didn’t get a piece in the paper when I had my children. Ridiculous.

Jezebelz There’s a huge difference between-

A lesbian couple creating a child together through sperm donation and reflecting that family unit on a birth cert, which allows the child to have the benefit of two mothers with parental responsibility

and

An individual who denies the biological fact that only a mother can give birth, and perpetuates that lie on a legal document which is supposed to prove their child’s parenthood.

"I hope it's human"

You HOPE it's human??

Fucking hell, Scout - what did you do?

I’m happy for Scout and don’t really have a problem with the reporting of this. I also don’t feel the need to deeply understand why trans men get pregnant. Seems obvious they just want kids, same as anyone else.

I am quite surprised Scout claims to have been fielding questions from strangers though. Unless Scout looks VERY different in real life it wouldn’t even enter my head this was anything but a woman. The idea that people are looking at Scout and feeling perplexed to see “a pregnant man” has to be sheer delusion.

Happy families come in all shapes and sizes, cannot see how anyone could object to these two, loving trans fathers:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=QhEW61_cTtY&feature=youtu.be