Peak Guardian woke bro

[RealGhouls]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/oct/05/millennial-dads-are-a-force-for-good-but-even-we-cant-breastfeed

"Millennial dads are a force for good, but even we can't breastfeed"

A self-indulgent wankfest about how his wife (that's not very progessive, Dan) giving birth was so terribly stressful to him and how

" During the delivery the midwives let me take a photo of Declan being yanked out, covered in blood and gore. After the nurses took him away again I turned the video into a gif in reverse (the child going back into my wife’s stomach) and sent it to my brother-in-law. I still hadn’t told him my son’s name."

"We’ve been lucky enough to be able to exclusively breastfeed since birth (having been bullied into it by some aggressive midwives) – but because we’ve had issues with expressing, my wife is basically tethered to the child. I can’t get up at night and feed the boy to give her a solid eight hours of sleep and it does get to me. She can’t yet bugger off for a weekend away letting me take the kid. I just can’t be enough of a parent for our child yet.

Would you believe as a straight, white male what has driven me insane is being unable to feed my son. This baby is going to need his mum for at least a while longer. . It seems that despite all the progress of gender equality and being able to flip gender roles on their head, men being unable to lactate may be the final Rubicon to cross. Given we’re close to being able to gestate babies in bags, how far away are we from men being able to chow down on some Pfizer Dadanol and get lactating? Looks like until the Elon Musk of norgs gets on the case, I’m going to continue to be the worse parent."

I'm honestly confused how he overlooks the 'being pregnant and having a uterus' issue in favour of 'omigod it's so terrible my son can't suckle on my moobs'.

or hold still while someone inserts them

Just like in the gif

The MIDWIVES let him? WTF?

What about his wife? The actual real person who he had sex with 9/10 months ago? Did he not even ask her? Or did she want him to but they both presumed that the Midwives had control over her body during birth?

Either interpretation is fucked up isn’t it?

I presume it’s meant to be inflammatory and wind up all us silly feminists who consider our bodies our own.

Sending that to his brother-in-law (her brother)? Why would you do that? Why would you do that and then tell people about that? Is it part of being a ‘millennial dad’?

I want to buy his wife a drink.

I want to buy his wife a drink.

I want to buy her a DIY divorce pack from WHSmiths and access to the freedom program.

FFS can't we have anything?!?! I was pregnant, I carried my kids, I breastfed them, Fuck right off with your we shit!
My husband bollocked one of his colleagues when they said " awe you two are pregnant!" " Erm no she's pregnant and doing all the hard work!"

Fucking biology.
Men really got the rough deal didn't they?

well, yes, he’s also going through that irritating new-parent-with-a-public-platform thing of declaring that everyone else with a baby is a judgy overinvolved antivax nutcade who dresses their baby only in organic coconut fibres, but don’t worry everybody, I’m sensible enough to resist!

mate. 99% of everyone else is muddling through it just like you. And we’ll buy that you and your fellow beardy thirty-somethings are “hands-on dads” when you start using the phrase “hands-on mum” just as much.

What the actual fuck? Are they real published words? Am I seeing this. Utterly disgusting.

Stomach? FUCK OFF AND LEARN YOUR YEAR 8 BIOLOGY YOU FUCKING COCKWOMBLE.

That poor woman needs to LTB for sure.

I'm terribly sorry that men can't die in childbirth either mate. Or be treated as reproductive commodities for the whole of history. Small price to pay for the "privilege" of being able to breast feed in the middle of the night, eh?

His wife must be so happy that members of the family are seeing her genitals when she's at her most vulnerable.

I fucking hope she consented to that gif being sent!

Am I still on the Private Eye thread? Surely this is satire?

I cannot bear the Guardian these days.
Would not line a budgie’s cage with it.
It comes to something when I prefer the Spectator.

'I want to buy his wife a drink.'

I want to buy her a DIY divorce pack from WHSmiths and access to the freedom program.

The latter, x10 to the 1000th power. What a fucking narc wanker. Sending that GIF is unconscionable. Stupid self-obsessed weapons grade wankbadger.

Even if he could breastfeed, he'd give up after 5 minutes anyway, because any amount of strain/pain/sleeplessness would kill him, the poor flower.

Wait, what? I breastfed my two for years each and my DH walked miles with them every night when they couldn't settle or were teething. We averaged about four hours each on a good night. The eldest had colic so badly that I used to put her in his arms the moment he walked through the door so I could just get ten minutes to breathe.

Why is this twonk whining about nursing when it's nowhere near the biggest part of having a newborn? He just cannot cope if he's not the centre of attention.

I think he'd be busy taking a load of selfies and making 'Dan breastfeeding baby' gifs so he could broadcast his unique dudey woke important Dad role.

Depends on the baby to be fair silent, feeding was the only thing that would settle my lot as babies.

My ex used to say "we are pregnant" . This was nearly 20 years ago. The midwives used to think he was terribly "forward thinking".

I always felt there was something terribly wrong. Later I found out he was controlling and a wanker...

I think maybe it's supposed to be humorous. You know, poking fun at himself. I'm not sure, though. And even if it is, it's not really funny, is it? Imagine how it felt for his wife going through that emergency caesarean knowing her baby's life was at risk. It's just sad, and scary, and not funny at all. With pieces like this the woman's experience gets written out.

He's straight outta that uber wank Alexa advert. 'Laura says you're doing a great job and she loves you.'

Perhaps he could have simply identified as a woman and then magically he could have breastfed his child? That’s how it works in the guardian for the woke, right?

I suppose if young women read it, it may act as a prophylactic so there’s that anyway.

I've reached peak Guardian. I'm finally deleting the app from my phone, and it's been a long time coming. Farewell Owen Jones and woke dude bros!

Ffs . He is now a father. I despair.

These snowflakes are meant to be running the world in a few years time....I don’t think they should be allowed to.

Perhaps he could have simply identified as a woman and then magically he could have breastfed his child? That’s how it works in the guardian for the woke, right?

There are a few comments on the article sarcastically suggesting that same thing. I'm amazed the uber-woke Guardian hasn't deleted them cos, you know, actual hate speak.

Who reads the Guardian nowadays?

It seems that despite all the progress of gender equality and being able to flip gender roles on their head, men being unable to lactate ...

WokeDad has made the rookie error of confusing 'gender' and 'sex', and how the latter tends to give rise to the former.

Women are useless at impregnating women; men are totally crap at bearing a child and breastfeeding. Those are about the only physical functions which are completely the domain of one sex or the other.

As a dad can't participate in the sexed role of breastfeeding, I suggest he puts his efforts into those parts of parts of parenting which are not constrained by sex, in which differential behaviours are truly down to 'gender'.