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Peak Guardian woke bro

108 replies

RealGhouls · 05/10/2018 11:42

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/oct/05/millennial-dads-are-a-force-for-good-but-even-we-cant-breastfeed

"Millennial dads are a force for good, but even we can't breastfeed"

A self-indulgent wankfest about how his wife (that's not very progessive, Dan) giving birth was so terribly stressful to him and how

" During the delivery the midwives let me take a photo of Declan being yanked out, covered in blood and gore. After the nurses took him away again I turned the video into a gif in reverse (the child going back into my wife’s stomach) and sent it to my brother-in-law. I still hadn’t told him my son’s name."

"We’ve been lucky enough to be able to exclusively breastfeed since birth (having been bullied into it by some aggressive midwives) – but because we’ve had issues with expressing, my wife is basically tethered to the child. I can’t get up at night and feed the boy to give her a solid eight hours of sleep and it does get to me. She can’t yet bugger off for a weekend away letting me take the kid. I just can’t be enough of a parent for our child yet.

Would you believe as a straight, white male what has driven me insane is being unable to feed my son. This baby is going to need his mum for at least a while longer. . It seems that despite all the progress of gender equality and being able to flip gender roles on their head, men being unable to lactate may be the final Rubicon to cross. Given we’re close to being able to gestate babies in bags, how far away are we from men being able to chow down on some Pfizer Dadanol and get lactating? Looks like until the Elon Musk of norgs gets on the case, I’m going to continue to be the worse parent."

I'm honestly confused how he overlooks the 'being pregnant and having a uterus' issue in favour of 'omigod it's so terrible my son can't suckle on my moobs'.

OP posts:
FermatsTheorem · 05/10/2018 14:42

"We're exclusively breastfeeding..." I think I may have just spontaneously combusted with rage. Cockwomble doesn't even begin to cover it.

And the gif. WTF? How weird would you have to be to want to do that (even leaving aside the issue of stomachs not being involved in gestation... though that particular misconception could explain a lot of the crazier stuff floating round some of the trans twitter feeds...)

But yes, Peak Guardian = Viz Modern Parents (Do Private Eye still have Pseud's Corner? I feel a submission coming on.)

SittingAround1 · 05/10/2018 14:43

It seems that despite all the progress of gender equality and being able to flip gender roles on their head, men being unable to lactate may be the final Rubicon to cross

No it means that despite all the current gender flipping, humans cannot escape basic biological reality.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 05/10/2018 14:44

"The kid" that's their tiny baby to you and me

And yes, I'm absolutely certain that his BIL was delighted to have a perfect view of his wife's fanny. Who wouldn't be? In my view there's absolutely no need for cameras in delivery rooms. Is there no privacy any longer? WTF

ScienceIsTruth · 05/10/2018 14:51

Sorry, refuse to click on a link for the guardian, so thanks for the extract.

My comment to him would be:

"Fuck right off with your 'woe is me' crap, you whiny little bastard!"

Your FEMALE WIFE breastfeeds, not you. There's no 'we' about it. Dickhead!

ScienceIsTruth · 05/10/2018 14:52

Posted too soon. Also, what's with the 'kid' comments. Seems disrespectful in this context.

HavelockVetinari · 05/10/2018 14:56

He sent a video of his DW's foof to her brother??! Shock

If DH did that my DB would lamp him!

Freespeecher · 05/10/2018 14:59

Threewheeler1

Yes! He's like one of the Modern Parents made flesh.

rightreckoner · 05/10/2018 15:02

Just want to say how much I love that people are now not clicking on Guardian links.

As a once passionate Guardian reader, I am incredulous at the turn they have taken. But glad that we all see where they are headed. I really do worry about Hadley Freeman’s well-being though.

Bowlofbabelfish · 05/10/2018 15:03

"gestate babies in bags"?!! What the actual fuck!!!

There was some work done on artificial uteruses (bags basically) to act as incubators for severely premature infants. It was done in lambs. Alternative to special care incubators and allows nutrition via the cord and spares their lungs. He’s probably referencing that.

Also: a reverse gif of your wife’s genitalia sent to relatives? Sir, you are an utter bellend. Clean the fucking kitchen, keep her stocked with tea and snacks and change nappies thats the stuff adults do to assist the mother of their children.

WasabiSpring · 05/10/2018 15:04

Some of the comments are really funny though. This one for example -

"As a father in his late 40s, I'm so grateful the author has opened my eyes and my heart, and shown I can be openly affectionate with my children. What a blessing Millennials are to humanity. And so brave.

Can you believe some people have the nerve to say Millennials are narcissistic and self-congratulatory, believing every choice they make is a bold and courageous advancement of human justice and happiness."

Grin
Batteriesallgone · 05/10/2018 15:04

I don’t think the gif featured the vulva, given it was a c section birth. And I’m also one of the crowd who uses stomach interchangeably with abdomen.

The main thing that bothers me about this, is talking about his wife as if she’s an object - it’s all ‘we’ when it comes to the breastfeeding so he can appropriate it, but ‘I’ when it comes to the picture taking (when surely he should acknowledge that gif could only ever be created if his wife was in on it / thought it would totes hilaire and suggested it herself).

Reading it you get more of a picture of the medical staff at the birth than you do of the actual birthing woman Confused

It’s erasure of womanhood / femalehood. Which is happening all over in different contexts and it’s very worrying.

Limpshade · 05/10/2018 15:16

Ugh, I read this on the Guardian website earlier and was waiting on a Mumsnet thread about it! I can't believe it actually made it into "print". What a load of tosh.

placemats · 05/10/2018 16:18

Are you actually allowed to video a c section?

What then is the point of putting up a screen?

Batteriesallgone · 05/10/2018 16:44

Watching a video is a bit different from watching yourself being cut open as they do it!! Plenty of women want to watch their own birth videos

PeakedTooEarly · 05/10/2018 16:56

The only interchangeable word for abdomen is belly really.

Ereshkigal · 05/10/2018 16:57

Wasabi Grin

ScrimshawTheSecond · 05/10/2018 17:20

The Guardian gets more like Viz every day.

Bwhahahaha !

placemats · 05/10/2018 17:27

Stomach is not the uterus. A lot of women giving birth get cut with surgical scissors.

Did his wife eat the baby? It's like he's replicating Alien.

FFS!

Threewheeler1 · 05/10/2018 17:36

We need a permanent 'Guardian Modern Parents' thread now, pulled exclusively from the content of their many woke-tossers output.
It'll be rich pickings.

Badstyley · 05/10/2018 18:00

So, in amongst all the knobheadery, any mention of what this supreme master of wokeness actually does for his wife and child, aside from being a comedy genius that is?

If anyone had taken a picture of me pushing DS out of my fanny they’d be retrieving their camera from somewhere in their lower digestive tract. I’d be sure to get a whole fucking roll of film of that.

This twerp reminds me of DPs brother. Not the gif creating, or at least I hope not, but the We’re pregnant, we’re breast feeding bollocks. It makes me want to kick him in his every time I see him.

Bolloxio · 05/10/2018 18:22

There are so many things men like this could do if they genuinely wanted to help. But they don't, they just want something to moan about. See my partner saw how exhausted breastfeeding/sleepless nights made me. And what did he do? He did a lot more cooking and cleaning, he pretty much took over nappy duty, and he would let me go and nap between feeds. Thats what good dads do. Not just moan on about how unfair biology is, or make out the birth was sooo stressful for them.

witchmountain · 05/10/2018 18:41

Some of the comments are good. As well as the one mentioned above, I enjoyed: "Why on earth is your wife eating babies?"

I also liked this sentence from the article:
"The traditional pathways to parenthood are being thrown to the wind by millennials of necessity."

I just like the idea of 'Millennials of Necessity'. It sounds like a crusade. Or possibly Necessity is the name of another planet.

Carrrotsandcauliflower · 05/10/2018 19:00

Absolute prick. I cannot stomach that phrasing “we’ve been breast feeding.” “ we are pregnant” “we have birth” just sod off with your appropriating her massive efforts! Nob head.

53rdWay · 05/10/2018 19:16

"We struggled a lot with SPD in the third trimester, but we're really glad our blood pressure stayed low so we didn't need to worry about pre-eclampsia again. Sadly we got quite a nasty labial tear during the birth."

NameChangedAgain18 · 05/10/2018 21:27

I’ve just had some thick wanker in the comments mansplain to me why “stomach” is the accurate term for where the baby came from. It made me remember why I haven’t bothered with the Guardian and its aggressive dudebro commenters for months.