I do take your point that I may know women who have been raped who are unwilling to tell me about it. My issue here however is that I'd like to know how exactly they are defining rape.
And there it is in a nutshell (yes I did read the whole post, but seriously, this sentence is just so way-out-there, in-your-face rape apologism). That's why you don't know any women who've been raped. No woman would tell a man who held attitudes like that that they had been raped. None.
Because it's a totally shitty rape apologist attitude to rape.
Women know what rape is. We know from the age it first happens to one of our friends (generally pre-puberty - for me it was age 10, when two girls in the year above me at school got raped in the local park, and my mum had to sit me down and explain what happened to them, so that she could explain to me why my previously much-enjoyed freedom to roam around with my friends was being curtailed - note, my freedom got restricted, not that of the rapist, who, as far as I know, got away with it). We live with it every day of our fucking lives. We live with it when we realise we've missed the last bus and don't have money for a taxi. We live with it when we find (as I did as a student when this happened to a friend) that nothing you can do/wear/behave like exempts you from victim blaming, that even dressed in sensible clothes, cycling home from a maths lecture at 5.00pm, you will still get victim blamed. We live with it when we go on a date with a man who seemed okay and he gets forceful. We live with it when a man we thought was a friend "white knights" us and walks us home, only to muscle into our house and try it on.
WOMEN KNOW WHAT RAPE IS.
When a woman says she has been raped, 97% plus of the time, she is saying this because she has in fact been raped.
You're not just a stealth, under-the-radar rape apologist if you come out with shit like this, YOU'RE A GREAT BIG SCREAMING CAPITAL LETTERS RAPE APOLOGIST.