Gender Critical 'Lurkers'

[BadasIwannaB]

I’ve been reading the Gender Critical threads on Mumsnet for a few months now and I’m ‘delurking’ to say THANK YOU! To all the intelligent, articulate gender critical feminists here - you are my absolute heroes, and you’re really giving me hope!

I’ve thought for a long time that many aspects of the supposedly right-on rhetoric about gender is deeply misogynist, and I was unsettled and annoyed at how much pressure there is on women not to challenge it, and how much supposed ‘feminists’ enforce that pressure. But for a long time I felt like I must be the only person who thought this, because I wasn’t seeing anyone speaking out, and on the v few occasions where I mentioned any of this to friends, it didn’t go down well. So it’s been hugely inspiring and reassuring to see that there’s this growing community here standing up for women against the bullshit. I’ve literally been reading the discussions here every day for the last few months, and it cheers me up so much! I’ve become such a fan of so many of you: LangCleg, Datun, Bowlofbabelfish, Ereshkigal, Angry Attack Kittens, I could go on and on…

So I started wondering, how many people like me are there reading these threads and cheering silently from the sidelines? I’m hoping there are lots of us. I think it’s easy to think we’re a tiny minority because of all the fear surrounding joining the discussion, but maybe if we all delurked we’d see that that’s not the case.

So any other lurkers wanna delurk?

OvulaRasa

< crawls out from behind Lurk Rock into the heat>

Datun, you have an exceptional way with words, and a very fair and level-headed way of presenting them.

If your skills extend to the spoken word, have you considered being a speaker at one of the next RL events?

You may understandably not be willing to ‘out’ yourself, but I’m not sure you realise just how influential you are!

I'm an ex lurker, hung around here for at least two years and only started posting 6 months ago, despite being active on other boards. Like others have said, I thought there was no need, that other posters could do it better than me etc. I was sporadic at first but now I try and post something every day, even if it's only a 'Here' on the daily register thread.

I think the more you post, the more confident you get. You begin to remember the facts and statistics better and you're better prepared to discuss it in real life. Also, as has been said, the greater the number of posters, the less they can argue that it's just the same few people.

But it's even more important now. We can all see what's happening - regulars are starting to get suspended and, if this board is going to keep going, the rest of us will have to step up.

OvulaRasa

what a heartfelt post. I don't suppose there's a woman here who doesn't massively empathise.

Imagine you have already explored many avenues. TransgenderTrend, would be my go to site. Also Lily Maynard. Both she and her daughter have blogged. And I know their experiences have helped others in your position.

Hecalledmecarrots

Thank you !

Well. If anything is going to entice me out of my long-time lurker's lair it's this amazing thread!

I am Lurkacus.

Another Lurkacus who is not in the UK but watching with interest as things are getting extremely silly in this country as well.

I've been lurking on here for over two years, and have learned so much from all of you regulars. I am more outspoken on Twitter and Facebook, but I seem to always end up having the same arguments with the same people. (I always have the lurkers in mind there too.)

to all of you relentless heroines.

I think the more you post, the more confident you get. You begin to remember the facts and statistics better and you're better prepared to discuss it in real life. Also, as has been said, the greater the number of posters, the less they can argue that it's just the same few people.

This is true. Putting something down in public makes you up your game.

You think ooh, I'll just google that and doublecheck.

Before you know it, you've read and digested a whole article/study.

But of course, it all takes time.

I'd like to encourage lurkers to participate more, even with an 'exactly' or '^^this'. But I completely understand why people don't.

My very first question on here a few years ago was what's a breast binder? It sounded so Medieval. And I was nervous about posting. No one likes to show themselves up.

So encouragement to join in, understanding if you don't, and huge appreciation for spreading the word.

Another lurker and very very occasional poster here. I found my way here from gender critical reddit, and have learnt so much...still working on breaking through that female socialization and learning to speak up, but I have started to reaffirm with my daughter's that they can be/like/do whatever they want regardless of wether it's " for boys ". Thankyou wonderful women of FWR

This is such an amazing thread, so heartening to know so many are reading, learning and most importantly talking to people IRL about the issues.

Thank you to all of you.

I have lurked here for a while but have just registered to show my support for those campaigning for women's rights to be maintained.
I'm all in favour of people living their lives the way they want, until it starts overriding the rights of others, and this is what the trans activists are doing.
We all have wide ranges of interests, some considered typically female, some typically male (I work in software development, most colleagues are male), but these are not, and should not be tied in with our biology.
And there are very good reasons why female only spaces need to be preserved.

I've had to sign up in order to delurk! I was on mn years ago, but no chance of remembering my old login details so I have a brand new identity (oh, the irony).

I started to have concerns about how the trans debate was going. Actually, my concern was about lack of any debate or questioning. So I started to research. I read from all angles. I've read from trans contributors, I've read intersex perspectives, I've followed libfem and radfem thought. Before I educated myself I had been led to believe that anyone not fully on-message (with the associated label that I believe has been banned here) was simply ignorant and intolerant. But as I read I came to see that that word was nothing more than a misogynistic slur used to shut down all debate. What was most surprising was how little it took to acquire that label.

Anyway, I remembered how good the fwr board was from my old mn days, and have been lurking ever since. V. grateful for the rational posters and the links to other groups (a woman's place, feminist current, etc.)

So thank you, regular posters. You make a difference.

I am a lurker who dips my toe in with the odd comment. This forum has been a huge eye opener for me, and like others have given me some fantastic people to follow on twitter.

You've got me out of my little hole now; I'm a lurker but am sooooo pissed off with it all. Whether it's the onset of menopause or what, I don't know. The more I read, the fucking crosser I get. Thank you to all of the knowledgeable ladies on here who have opened my eyes to this. I don't contribute more as I rarely have the time to follow the links and read up which I would like to. And I'm afraid that I won't be able to answer a question. I did however question a document at work which had conflated sex and gender. I felt all brave. Thank you

And now I am all flustered because the mighty Datun has quoted part of my post

Also de-lurking. It was feminism boards that brought me to Mumsnet - after a female non binary identifying friend of mine was dragged out of the female toilets at our students union bar.

Of course I was outraged that people had behaved violently. However my view that of course women should be able to challenge who are in women only spaces lead to a dramatic lead balloon.

I have lost friendships with old friends who I have discussed my views with - including one friend purporting that 'of course noone will take advantage of being able to self declare gender in order to be in spaces where women are vulnerable'.

I am currently working for a very liberal institution, where the student body regularly report websites such as Magdalen Bern's and transgender trend as hate speech. Leading to the suspension of my it services one time I visited them. Luckily, having explained to the IT guys, they couldn't see any problem.

I do support third space arrangements, my partner - a butch presenting female - is often challenged when in female toilets. A source of great anxiety to her. And I think 3rd space arrangements could benefit a much wider group of people than just transgender people.

Thank you FWR and all you posters on here. (Flowers)

I'm a lurker. I have learned a lot here.

I'm a lurker. Although i've commented a couple of times this week I don't feel able to contribute much to the conversation just yet.
I'm here, I'm reading, I'm learning and I'm supporting. Quietly!

This is a wonderful Twitter account with some really inspiring women's words.

twitter.com/ResistersUK

(one of my favourite writers and her words seemed appropriate for this thread)

Another lurker.

I read a lot of the Feminist boards, but don't often comment. Its like a little corner of sense and sanity for me, though. Hugely grateful it exists.

And I am another one that massively appreciates the thinkers and activists here. I have learned so much and it is such a relief to hear other women who share my views - makes me feel less lonely.

Its an amazing part of Mumsnet and HQ should nurture and protect it.

Its an amazing part of Mumsnet and HQ should nurture and protect it.

Oh, if only. Sigh.

I mainly lurk; I lurked on here for years. I really admire the emotional resilience of the regular GC posters. I do comment a fair bit on social media. You will get called nasty names but it's a silencing tactic. Keep going.

Me too adding my name to this. I'm too ignorant to contribute but really welcome the discussion and the useful articles posted. Women's voices must be heard.

I mainly lurk across the boards but love lurking here where brighter and more articulate women than me can say exactly what is wrong with the whole situation 💐 so thank you to them!

I've been a right old lurky lurker for the last few months and have had tears in my eyes reading this lovely thread. I only recently found Mumsnet after reading a Spectator article - as someone who isn't a mum I hadn't realised how wonderful and informative this site is.

I have been really inspired reading these thoughtful debates and feel so in awe of the patience, intelligence and kindness shown by regulars on here including Datun, Hermioneweasley, Bowlofbabelfish and ROwantrees to name just a few!

Thank you so much for everything you are doing to help women and children, I'm sure you are giving so many people the courage to speak out against the erosion of our hard-won rights. I have only recently felt brave enough to be GC on Facebook and am also making a point of having a quiet chat about this topic to any friends who work in education, healthcare etc.

Another (mainly) lurker here too! Thanks to all the GC feminists for taking the time to post here I have learnt so much from you all

Encouragement for all regular posters:

I spotted there was an issue from the active boards but didn’t click through. Then India W and Lily M caught my attention.

I started reading; found out about the amendments to the GRA; Explored the law. Spoke to my kids school. Met with my MP

The school safeguarding lead and deputy head are taking this very seriously. They intend to respond to the forthcoming consultation. My MP is chasing for safeguarding guidelines from the EHRC regarding gender reassignment where safeguarding has traditionally been based on sex segregation.

We need articulate posters regularly setting up threads which both inform and influence. If it hadn’t been for FWR I would be in ignorant bliss. So would school and possibly my (Labour) MP.

Democracy only works if we pay attention. There will always be bad-faith actors and con-men. We need to ensure that we keep talking so that more and more women are emboldened to step up and hold politicians and institutions to account.

I was a lurker. Now I’m a (very dull, interested in technicalities and balancing rights) activist. That is down to FWR and Datun particularly.

Please don’t post in anger. Keep your cool. Your voices are valuable assets, please don’t lose them. I know it’s hard; there is so much riding on this