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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

A temporary cessation of hostilities

355 replies

ScarletBegonias · 19/06/2018 09:40

I know how serious all this is – but there may be no harm in a little light relief from time to time.

So - has anyone else found themselves watching the football and fantasising about a game between Trans Rights Activists (or whatever they’d like to call themselves) and … shall we say … a Mumsnet Team of Everyday Radical Feminists? (Or maybe a team called Spartacus?) After all, there was a temporary cessation of hostilities at Christmas 1914 during which English and German troops apparently played football with each other.

Here are some extracts from how the commentary might go:

“That was a dangerous run by Munroe Bergdorf, neatly blocked at the last minute by AngryAttackKittens.”

“Keeper Jane Fae has put the knitting down in the corner of the net as Datun steps up to take the penalty.”

“SwearyGodmother has been shown a yellow card for something she said to the referee.”

“Bowlofbabelfish, Spontaneousgiventime, and LangCleg are in the wall as Paris Lees gets ready to take the free kick.”

“We can see how important the preparation was, with R0wantrees briefing the team on the opposition’s tactics in previous matches.”

“The referee is running over to an incident involving the realposieparker and Lily Madigan.”

You can paint your own mental pictures of what the spectators might look like!

Okay. Back to reality.

OP posts:
TerfsUp · 20/06/2018 08:11

Thank you to: the OP, for starting this thread, DJ Lippy for the edited version and to all the brilliant posters for contributing.

It does deserve to be in MN Classics.

FlippinFumin · 20/06/2018 08:14

Thank you for all your contributions to this. It kept me awake long after I should have been asleep last night. But truly brilliant wit and writing.

mercuryrev · 20/06/2018 09:26

Fantastic commentary on the match there but I'd like to add that I thought Stephanie played really well for team Sportacus: rock solid defence despite everything that was thrown at her by the Mermaids opposition. I look forward to Nic's post-match stats and analysis...

PermissionToSpeakSir · 20/06/2018 10:07

Well done putting that together DJLippy Grin

DuddlePluck · 20/06/2018 10:21

I keep coming back to FWR because, out of all the places I lurk, read & occasionally post, it's got one of the highest concentrations of clever, witty women on the web. I've been crying & snorting with laughter, in a shockingly un-ladylike way reading this thread - an all-time classic, you all deserve [winners' medals], but Flowers will have to do

Maryzsnewaccount · 20/06/2018 10:32

Congratulations to all contributors.

I suspect this will be gone by lunchtime Sad

Popchyk · 20/06/2018 10:42

News Just In **

The transfer window is open and Team Sportacus are reportedly interested in signing up super striker Lisa Muggeridge from relegation-threatened Team Twitter. Team Twitter have struggled all season with their one-dimensional style of play and even diehard fans have despaired at their recent tactics of fielding 11 self-defined goalkeepers for every match.

The signing of Muggsy, acknowledged as a real talent in the football world, would be a real coup for Team Sportacus.

Now back to the studio with Heather Peto and Robert Webb.

YesItsADebate · 20/06/2018 11:12

Play is suspended as Jane Fae is treated for a suspected asthma attack.

Team Sportacus reprimanded by the ref for leading the stands in a rousing chorus of ‘who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?’

Norther · 20/06/2018 11:19

So hilarious. Glad I read all way through. Gonna get me a tshirt saying Sportacus and wear it on campus next semester.

Skippydupont · 20/06/2018 12:20

Just like to say thanks to all for a brilliant thread.

MissMoneyPlant · 20/06/2018 12:51

Atreides Sportacus PR have respond with an official eye roll...

Grin

An official eye roll should be a Thing.

spontaneousgiventime · 20/06/2018 13:00

I think we own ScarletBegonias a huge thank you for starting this. I laughed all day and some posts had me a snotty mess. T'was a good one.

Sciencelogic · 20/06/2018 13:00

Team Twitter have struggled all season with their one-dimensional style of play

The problem with the Twitter team lies within them lacking proper coaching into sports science. Its no wonder, their coach and policy maker is SW, who admits he only played baseball at Uni once and was surprised to be asked for his opinions.
He is paid very well though.

SwearyG · 20/06/2018 13:04

Agree with owing ScarletBegonias thanks and Wine and Gin

I almost scrolled past this thread due to the title, then clicked on it ready to tell her to get to fuck, then saw the excellent OP and dived in. It really has brought out the best of MN humour. I'll be sad if it goes.

ScarletBegonias · 20/06/2018 13:18

Thanks, SwearyG.

I take the point about the thread title. I thought about making it something directly football-related but was concerned that then no one would open it!

I was delighted by the number of people who joined in and loved their contributions. I hope no one gets in trouble as a result of my leading them astray.

Cheers GinWine

OP posts:
EmpressOfSpartacus · 20/06/2018 13:23

The football is on in my office. I've just been re-reading this thread over lunch & it brings a whole new dimension to the game.

Datun - my file backups are in a folder called BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD. I knew you were a hoopy frood Grin

Datun · 20/06/2018 13:51

EmpressOfSpartacus

Grin
CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 20/06/2018 17:03

Nice one. You really know where your towel is...

Grin
SPOFS · 20/06/2018 17:09

Yay! I changed my username in solidarity!

SPOFS= spherical playing object for sports (formerly known as a football)

AtreidesFreeWoman · 20/06/2018 17:45

@SPOFS GrinGrin

EmpressOfSpartacus · 20/06/2018 17:49

Certain Grin

stealthsquirrelnutkin · 20/06/2018 18:15

Delighted and somewhat consoled to see this thread has survived the night.

My only complaint is that it should have included a warning to incontinence sufferers, accidents will happen.

thebewilderness · 20/06/2018 18:33

Examination of the eligibility rules for team twitter reveal the reason that Muggsy was cut. She has a sex, not a gender, and twitter only allows gender protections in their protected categories. Charges have been filed, marches have been organized, wine has been drunk.

FermatsTheorem · 20/06/2018 19:03

Oh, and a late double substitution here. Team Twitter have taken a leaf out of the Connecticut high school playbook and are bringing on a couple of 18 year old former members of the England men's under 18 team.

Tinlegs · 20/06/2018 19:15

Garina Lineker and Waynetta Rooney both identify as teenaged girls so are perfect for Team Twitter.

Oh. They're off.

Garina, distracted by a bag of crisps. Waynetta inexplicably drawn to J Fae.