I am really struggling.
Firstly I can not find MN policy. There was a sticky then there was. Then MN started to clarify things but it was all over the place and I haven't been following the conversation in recent weeks. So it ended up like Chinese whispers over what you can say and what you can't. The bottom line is this: any policy needs to be concise, understableable, in a single post that is stickied to the top of this section. Anything else just makes it unworkable and unusable. Particularly from an accessibility point of view.
Not only that but I have two further problems.
Firstly the pressure that this creates to comply is part of the problem. It amplifies anxiety and if you are genuinely struggling to be sensitive, constantly second guessing yourself over whether your last post was ok and feeling like you constantly have to walk on eye shells is harmful.
I point out here that the doublethink involved to comply is difficult. Not only that but telling people black is white repeatedly has and is used to actually torture people.
My other issue is that a lot of trans people seem to think acceptance and understanding is like a switch that can just be flipped. They want to get from a to b without the difficult hard work bit in the middle.
The reality is they spent years working though things in their own heads, yet expect everyone else to go through the process in five minutes flat. You can't. Nor should it be attempted.
That's the point: it's a process that needs to be worked through over time.
People need the time and space to thrash out ideas and thoughts and have sufficient answers to their deepest and darkest fears about it. Without those answers and things being properly addressed, real acceptance will never happen. Indeed you run the risk of merely fueling things and radicalise people who are being forced to accept things without that process. It merely looks like an attempt to hide sinister issues or negative effects on women.
On top of this, you have the dynamic of people (users) trying desparately to please those who have power over them (MNHQ) but the goal posts keep shifting but people never really know where , and what people do is never deemed good enough. That's a psychologically harmful set up in its own right.
It's not really a huge surprise that people who have communication problems in the first place are going to have real problems with the way this is being handled. The mindfuckery involved is harmful and is being exacerbated by the way it's being handled. Those most at risk are those who are less able to navigate the minefield of language.
They face being silenced, not because they are transphobic in the slightest but because no one is giving any thought to intent and this need to explore the entire issue properly, in their own language. And yes inevitably there are some groups who are more vulnerable to the new policy than others.
No work is being done to answer concerns. No work is being done to properly address worries, and they are instead belittled and there is a deliberate refusal to engage properly. Instead it's all about just closing the conversation down.
These issues are real to women and don't just go away because someone decides to brush them under the carpet. Their life experience can not be erased no matter how much you try. Attempts to do so are a form of abuse.
Personally I'm at the point where I'm afraid of posting here. AFRAID I don't want to be banned. I don't want to cause offence. I need to work through things in my own time, and headspace and be given the ability to do this. I also can not compromise my own needs if doing so is harmful to me. I don't want to cause myself more harm constantly worrying about the bastards who are trigger happy with the report button.
The comments on this thread about 'just try harder' totally miss the point and the problems on multiple levels. Some people are already trying their hardest.