"so is he telling us all men are abusers……??"
He argues that, yes. Or not so much that all men are, but at least have the capability, including himself, and that childrearing is a matter of socializing men (specifically), not to grow up to be psychopaths.
His argument is not 'fuck men, men are bastards', but 'all men have the innate potential for evil, and society, parents and men individually need to strive against that potential and grow up to be Good'.
He likes to talk about concentration camps and such like from the perspective of 'these were ordinary men perpetrating this'
I think he concentrates on men on the basis that nearly all the evil in the world is from men, specifically, and he is asking 'how do we stop men from turning into incels and monsters'