Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

[user1471506568]

Ok so I'm a SAHM and would also strongly identify as a radical feminist although admittedly I still am learning about all of this. I understand that liberal feminism is more about the individual as opposed to the class movement so under that philosophy being a SAHM is an acceptable feminist decision but I'm confused about the rad fem stance.

I can see how from a financial perspective being a SAHM is a bit of a backward step for feminism, but this is such a narrow view and I don't think money is the only measure of worth . In fact it strikes me as an extremely patriarchal measure where the balance will always be tipped to men earning more due to women having children.

I would be really interested in people's views on this. Can I be a radical feminist and a SAHM or am I letting down the class movement?

NB: Please don't take this as negative judgement of any working mothers as I respect everyone's decision to do what's best for them.

HCP usually refers to Doctors,Nurses,ODPs,Midwives,Paramedic not HCSW/Carers.
You may pay for private carers but rarely HCP .
If someones needs were so complex/great they would qualify for CHC funding for Nursing care which is not the same as a carer.

You may pay for private carers but rarely HCP .

You do if you have to self fund nursing care.

I am not judging you, personally, cold. I don't know your children's carers

Well stop referring to care and service provision as an exploitative industry. It’s not like I had to search for hours to find a none exploitative nursery.

The women (and a few men) who work in the nursery get paid no less than my mate stacking shelves in Sainsbury’s. I can shop there without feeling I’m “exploiting” poorly paid workers.

Lilting with all due respect I don’t know your DH but I presume he would have been fine at advocating too.

I have heard a lot of degrading stuff about men not being capable of advocating and raising disabled children, like their mothers can, but they actually can IME. It is the same as women who claim their husbands haven’t a clue what to do with small babies, toddlers, infants etc.....It is simply borne out of low expectations and the men not stepping up rather than not actually being able to do any of this stuff.

It is funny how many of the professionals dealing with disability are male, so they are capable of being the “experts” in the area but they are incapable of doing the day to day work. That is a perception in my opinion, not a reality.

Why am I pushing your buttons lilting when I've clearly stated repeatedly I respect and admire any parent who stays home with kids with additional needs? When I have clearly stated I understand my lack of interest in women who chose to stay home when they could easily work isn't right and is very likely due to an abusive father growing up, which has led me as an adult to have a lack of tolerance to anything I perceive as perpetuating Male supremacy?

In addition it's not just me you're attacking. Every woman who has posted they work you've lashed out and accused them of exploiting other women. Every single time.

My shelf stacker mate is a woman by the way (not that it makes much difference).

Funded Nursing Care (FNC) element is paid if a Nursing Home is required ,if you are self funding you are paying the "care"element not the Nursing part .

Apologies for not yet having RTFT (although ive skimmed! )

I mostly agree with the POV of Bluntness.

My career trajectory has been damaged by not having a SAHPartner. My DH splits our family responsibilities with me 50/50. But because I still have the '50%' I can't put in the hours and the travel that my male colleagues with SAHWs can. I have had DHs of my SAH friends express surprise as to why DH and I are always so busy - with comments like 'well I work FT same as Timtims, and I still manage to do xyz'.

My DH could become a SAHP, but more than a decade ago when we had our DCs it was even less accepted than now ( We knew NO SAHDs, and only know two PT dads now). But now the compromises we've made with both careers have meant that either of us would struggle to support the other to SAH.

Meanwhile the couples we know with a SAH have flourished financially.

I wouldn't swap my independence but feel like I have suffered due to striving for equality in my career/working life.

Why am I pushing your buttons lilting when I've clearly stated repeatedly I respect and admire any parent who stays home with kids with additional needs? When I have clearly stated I understand my lack of interest in women who chose to stay home when they could easily work isn't right and is very likely due to an abusive father growing up, which has led me as an adult to have a lack of tolerance to anything I perceive as perpetuating Male supremacy?

Maybe I just need this repeating. Pleased you acknowledge in women who chose to stay at home when they could 'easily work' (in your opinion) is not right.

In addition it's not just me you're attacking. Every woman who has posted they work you've lashed out and accused them of exploiting other women. Every single time.

Because they have repeated the rhetoric which claims a SAHM cannot be a radical feminist. My position is that they can be as easily radical feminist as a woman working in a high status paid position. Simply because we are all affected by the patriarchy. To survive, live to fight another day, in this context, we all make compromises.

You acknowledge your lack of interest in women who chose to stay at home. Typo omission.

Lilting with all due respect I don’t know your DH but I presume he would have been fine at advocating too.

He would have had a lot of catching up to do, knowledge wise. My background from studying and working in education gave me a definite heads up. His background from studying and working in IT also meant his career was more lucrative. Given the same background maybe he could have advocated as well. As I said we cannot divorce context from the decisions we make.

Because they have repeated the rhetoric which claims a SAHM cannot be a radical feminist

I have said nothing of the kind. I could not care less whether a woman is or is not a radical feminist.

Because they have repeated the rhetoric which claims a SAHM cannot be a radical feminist

Why is that such a terrible thing. You are acting like a liberal feminist, why not just own it and call yourself one.

The thread referenced radical feminism. I have made my points with reference to radical feminism because that is the subject up for discussion on this thread. I have repeatedly said I don't attach this label of radical feminist or any other with regards to feminism, to myself. My own personal views are regardless of any categorisation which exists.

The thread referenced radical feminism. I have made my points with reference to radical feminism because that is the subject up for discussion on this thread

No one made you post on this thread. Why are you posting on it?

I have repeatedly said I don't attach this label of radical feminist or any other with regards to feminism, to myself

So why are you bothered when if people say if you are a SAHM you aren’t a radical feminist?

Your last post is now saying you are not a radical feminist- so what? What relevance does that have?

You were trying to justify your offensive and sexist comments about women who pay for domestic help on the basis that posters on here who are in that position have repeated the rhetoric which claims a SAHM cannot be a radical feminist.

Even if that were our position (and it is not mine- I have no interest in what feminist label others adopt) your response is wholly illogical. You are disputing the argument that being a SAHM is incompatible with being a radical feminist by throwing out a random and unsubstantiated insult.

No one made you post on this thread. Why are you posting on it?

Because my views are relevant to radical feminism and the mechanisms of patriarchal capitalism.

So why are you bothered when if people say if you are a SAHM you aren’t a radical feminist?

Because I am weary of assumptions made about me due to the fact I am a SAHP.

You were trying to justify your offensive and sexist comments about women who pay for domestic help on the basis that posters on here who are in that position have repeated the rhetoric which claims a SAHM cannot be a radical feminist.

It was an observation in relation to the mechanisms of patriarchal capitalism. It was primarily aimed at questioning who are qualified to call themselves a 'radical feminist' ?

Because I am weary of assumptions made about me due to the fact I am a SAHP

So you are weary of people assuming that as a SAHM you aren’t a rad fem. and in actual fact you are indeed not a rad fem?

Your last post is now saying you are not a radical feminist- so what? What relevance does that have?

It was in response to cold's comment. Here:

Why is that such a terrible thing. You are acting like a liberal feminist, why not just own it and call yourself one.

So you are weary of people assuming that as a SAHM you aren’t a rad fem. and in actual fact you are indeed not a rad fem?

I'm not not a rad fem, either. I don't label myself. I might actually fit into the category. I don't really know because the rhetoric seems somewhat divorced from the stated aims of radical feminism. It is far simpler to apply no labels to myself.

I didn't expect myself to be up for discussion on this thread. I made comments regarding the class category of SAHM relevant to radical feminism.

The rad fem rhetoric, that is.

Surely RF would have the interests of all women at the centre .
lilting you keep banging on that you are a RF but you only seem to be pushing the SAHP view.
Anyone else with a view is being told they are exploitative .

lilting you keep banging on that you are a RF but you only seem to be pushing the SAHP view.

No I don't. I have repeatedly said I don't apply the label to myself.

I displayed a lack of interest in the school mums who didn't work. Because I was disinterested. My close friendship circle is women who have a similar belief system to myself.

An equivalent point would be my saying that I'm uninterested in spending any time with anyone who demonstrates a poor command of written English grammar. It's very narrow minded and rather foolish to judge people on a single aspect of their lives.......