I feel for MN as I think they are between a rock and a hard place. And do an extent I think they are trying to protect our ability to debate.
I have reported a few posts about Lily, as much as it pains me to do it, simply because they were about appearance or really personal and unnecessary. They were just nasty.
I don't think it helps to get wound up by it, and I do believe to an extent that its a deliberate ploy to try and do exactly that, in order to be able to play the victim card. People are getting sucked into the trap.
We do need to count to ten regardless of how much lack of respect we are shown in return.
I try not to attack Lily. Instead I try and focus on the argument not the person as much as possible and take a deep breathe and step back.
Everytime you bite on a personal level, you actually validate Lily's sense of purpose and victimhood. You are giving attention. Think about it. Lily WANTS you to get upset, and to react badly.
Think about how your comments can be taken out of context when you make them. If they don't have an actual point to them beyond being upset/venting anger, do you need to post it?
Think about the purpose of what you are posting.
As for gender and 'misgendering'. I try not to refer to gender at all as I'm not at all comfortable with going along with the lie. I think doing so normalises it, and I do not wish to be part of it, as I see there are political problems in doing so. It inadvertently is a surrender. But I do see why this puts MN in an awkward position from a legal position.
All that said I do think its a matter of perspective and context and MN does need to think about that rather than blanket ban 'misgendering'. Its about power and how it is imposed on others and how this is being used against women at times in an abusive way. You only have to read the TransWidows thread to get a sense of that. We have been forced into a corner and have to act with care so we preserve what little free speech we have left.
But I do say this; If we completely lose the ability to call out male violence against women as what it is then we lose our ability to identify abuse and sexism as what it is. At the heart of this is the idea that if you are transwomen you can't be sexist. Which is nonsense, you can very obviously be sexist (and by the same token, you can also be a sexist woman). And yes being trans does not mean you are automatically an ally of LGB either. I do believe that at times, 'misgendering' is perhaps actively warranted, but it needs to be done sparingly and in context.
I think about what is necessary and what takes it too far. Is calling Lily, really Liam necessary? (Unless its about pointing out the absurdity of the 'deadnamed' PayPal account.) Is questioning Heather Peto about the legitimacy of their position on the Jo Cox programme because they were previously Warren Peto and the programme is to give people who otherwise might not have a chance an opportunity and the confidence and skills to stand for election.
If we really are against gender stereotyping and gender as a social construct and how we react differently to the assumed sex of a name then think about who Marion Mitchell Morrison was, why he changed his name and what his occupation was.
As I say, what is the point you are trying to make, apart from being personal?
I think its shit we are having to do this, but part of it, is because MN can only regulate what's on site and not what's off site. I do think they are trying to protect the debate for us all, so it's more difficult for the likes of Lily to come after them for hosting 'hate speech'.
If you do want to go further, you can do so elsewhere and through other avenues.
If you don't think I'm angry, you do not know the half of it. I just think we need to use our rage wisely. Don't squander the power we do have by acting rashly.
No easy solution here.