What has happened to you in the last year that wouldn’t have happened if you were a man?

[LeslieKnopefan]

As I have become more interested in feminism I have started to realise that there are times that things happen to me that wouldn’t happen to a man.

In the past year...

1. Walked to the toilets in a bar and a group of blokes wouldn’t let me pass, kept making jokes and saying they wouldn’t let me pass without giving my number. I’m in my 30s and this was in a very naice bar!

1. Started a chant at a sports game, and generally sung my heart out. Had a bloke tell me to shut up and other blokes look at me like I was from outer space. On the plus side had some women see me in the pub later and tell me how much they enjoyed me starting the singing.

Called a bitch for not running a red light, causing the car behind me to have to stop too

Still a SAHM

Pressured into joining the PTA board

Stood at a bar with DH when someone he knows but I hadn't met before came up to us and put his arm around me with a "this must be your lovely wife" spiel

Perimenopause

OTOH, I started playing golf and I'm ruddy glad I don't have to play off the men's tees - if you wanted an example of how much stronger men (under 65) are than women, go look at a golf course and see what has been deemed as appropriate for a level playing field.

A young man offered to carry a heavy suitcase down a flight of steps at Waverley station - gratefully accepted.

The occasional offer of a seat on the London underground - politely declined.

Random conversations initiated by other female travellers in Virgin East Coast first class. In my experience men on long train journeys do not initiate conversation but women do.

Conversation initiated by the single woman on my right hand side at the Royal Opera house about the first act of the opera we had just seen which the single man on my left hand side eventually joined in.

Made redundant on maternity leave.

Getting the bare minimum from the nhs for spd - just need to exercise it away apparently.

Ah dunno about the PTA one olenna, they've been after DH for years!

Hi Lass!!!

Bit more light hearted... being asked if I wanted to go and watch FSoG

In a cab front seat (in China, to be clear, common custom) and driver gets on the freeway unexpectedly. Not the usual way, but ok. As soon as he's up to speed starts groping me knowing I can't do anything while we're traveling at that speed. Wouldn't have happened to a man.

My destination was just off the freeway, so when he exited I had him stop a bit short. When he braked, I broke his wrist in the door. Walked away while he shrieked, no repercussions. That wouldn't have happened if I were a man, either.

Breastfeeding (without needing a cocktail of off label drugs...)

Been mansplained to about how I shouldn't have a vaccine or drink at all while breastfeeding

Menstrual migraines

Pregnancy scare

Been told how "lucky" I am that DH does childcare while I'm at work

Had a driver bellow at me that I was a "miserable cunt" and a "bitch" when I glared at him for driving across a zebra crossing that I was halfway across with 4 small children

This is years ago but my then gp telling me there was no such thing as postnatal depression. Saw a female gp who sorted medication and counselling.

Left alone after an emergency section with wound drains and all kinds of tubes on me, couldn't move, but had to do everything for my newborn. No meals brought to me.

A man having serious surgery would have been more taken care of even without the baby!

Incidently, I had my first baby by section in the Middle East and they look after your babies during the nights of your stay so you can recover. Lots of food and drinks brought to you automatically.

I am an HCP, not a nurse but regularly get referred to as a nurse by patients. My male colleagues wearing the same uniform going the same job as me are regularly referred to as Dr

Failed to be co-opted onto the parish council after being asked how I would manage the responsibilities with small children. They gave it to a father

My partner has sent me a link to this thread and I'm horrified. So sorry that my gender has caused you all to experience these things. I can't imagine ever doing them myself but I never noticed them happening until my lovely partner started to point them out to me.

Today I answered the phone at work.
Him "Can I speak to the Boss"
Me "You are speaking to her."

PAUSE

Him "Can I speak to the gentleman?" Hesitantly
Me "Is it a matter of ...?" (relevant to the work we do)
Him "Yes"
Me "In that case I'll let you off"

fishdogpancakes

My parents ran a business from home, my mum was never much of a feminist (boys find driving more natural than girls was one of her sayings).

She would answer the phone and often people would ask to speak to 'the manager', she would reply with, "sorry there's no manager here at the moment, would you like to speak to a director?"

They would say, "yes" and then she would wait, and wait, and eventually they would say something.

Everyone in the department where I worked had their job description torn up and rewritten. Following union intervention the men in the department were then offered a decent redundancy package or the new version of their job; the women were offered the new version of their job and told to suck it up.

Well I had a pregnancy in May, a TMFR in September, a dodgy smear in Feb and an appnt for a colposcopy in March. All of those I assume a man has never had to go though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I support a male adult in a wheelchair, he has cerebral palsy very limited movement in his arms or legs.

When we are out in a cafe or similar and I begin to put his coat on, without fail everything single time a man comes over and asks if I need help. "No thanks love iv been doing this for 7 years, I think i know what I'm doing" is my response every time.

Normally I get mumbled they were only trying to help won't bother next time blah blah blah

Having more than 2 weeks of maternity leave.

Being ill with flu but still having to look after both kids all day.

Working on a Saturday (project has over-run) and a colleague sees me and says 'Oh you poor thing, why are you working today? What about your children?'
A male colleague once said 'you won't be able to use your kids as an excuse to leave before 6pm every night on this job, you know'
Neither of those people would say that to a man. And neither have cause to question my work ethic. My husband and I share the parenting and the work-load equally so there is always someone at home. Not that that's any of their business. Grrr.

Had two friends be sexually assaulted. At work

Asked whether or not I was going to have children soon. At work

Spied on by psycho boss. (like he would have done that to a six foot bloke)

Verbally harassed and shouted at by neighbour (again, wouldn't have done it to a bloke)

Been excluded from political groups for trying to bring up how ill prepared we were to deal with sexual harassment claims (this was months before #metoo etc).

Trolled, including some light stalking, online for making mildly feminist jokes. Seriously.

Been to a male doctor who said you can't be perimenopausal because not 45 (I'm 43) - "Goodbye"

Compromised my work hours because ex 'was away working' so I have to take on unpaid (ex) wifework and he gets to earn the cash - this is consistent and regular

Just an hour ago been repulsively leered at and 'accidentally' bumped into on the street

Had such horrendous menstrustion that was in bed for nearly a day

Another one.... being asked a lot when I’m going to have children. I’m 36, single and yes I want kids but I can’t just make it happen!

Wonder how many 36 year old men get asked that!