What has happened to you in the last year that wouldn’t have happened if you were a man?

[LeslieKnopefan]

As I have become more interested in feminism I have started to realise that there are times that things happen to me that wouldn’t happen to a man.

In the past year...

1. Walked to the toilets in a bar and a group of blokes wouldn’t let me pass, kept making jokes and saying they wouldn’t let me pass without giving my number. I’m in my 30s and this was in a very naice bar!

1. Started a chant at a sports game, and generally sung my heart out. Had a bloke tell me to shut up and other blokes look at me like I was from outer space. On the plus side had some women see me in the pub later and tell me how much they enjoyed me starting the singing.

Constantly getting grilled by men much more junior to me about how I am doing my work (I do project work). I've been doing my job for ten years, I know what I'm doing! I don't know whether younger men are particular idiots or whether now I'm in my 40s I'm even lower value but it's driving me insane. If I challenge them about it I get told I'm too assertive and need to modify my approach to get them onside. Men never get told this as far as I can tel.

Telling one colleague I’d thought I was pregnant but now I’m not and having to deal with 8 others being told because they ‘needed to know’.

They really didn’t.

I've thought of a positive.

The baby/ toddler years were bloody hard, and I do all the wife work etc but I've noticed over the last 12 months that I also get more of the good bits too. DD tells me a thousand times a day that she loves me, DS has got to the age where we can share a joke and share his ideas and thoughts and its me that gets to help facilitate them.

Absent fathers and benign neglect parenting wont experience any of that.

Gave birth.

Was heavily pregnant and needed a new car - picked out a new SUV and the salesman kept asking when I was bringing the husband to have a look. He was reluctant to proceed with the paperwork. I pointed out my DH couldn't give a shit about cars and he was going to lose a sale if he didn't crack on. "All right love" (shaking his head). Needed salary details for credit check. When I gave my salary details he looked at me laughed and asked again. I told him again and he looked at me incredulously and said...."are you sure you've got that right?" I earn 6 figures. Apparently I don't look like I should be earning 6 figures.

Love this @AGreatBigPonk!

Was asked at interview about my childcare arrangements.

Had my work questioned constantly. Normally they check what I do with my junior (male) colleague. Naturally, as we work in an IT role, his penis overrides my far superior qualifications and experience.

Had a major project significantly delayed by a man refusing to accept my word, or the word of another woman, that there is in fact a simply, cheap, future proof and low risk solution to a minor issue. He simply ignored all the discussion and agreements made in planning meetings. I suspect it's because he didn't understand our solution but to admit that would be to admit he's not the expert he makes himself out to be. (this man, as a result of a restructure will be moved into my team and managed by me in the near future. Should be interesting times)

Had a salesman talk over me, call my by DH's surname and dismiss my concerns. I made the appointment and it's my name on the forms but funnily enough when the quote was being written his name went first and my surname suddenly became his. I think we won't be ordering from them.

Plonk please tell me you didn’t buy the car from him ?

Following a few days of snow, the pavements around us are mainly compacted ice whereas the roads are clear. I have some mobility problems at the moment but had to walk a few hundred yards in the dark to collect DD from an after school activity. I decided to walk at the edge of the (minor) road. A group of young arseholes man in a car decided to rev and yell at me to get out of the road and inform me very aggressively that they pay their road tax so I have no right to walk in the road. After the event I wish I had agreed to get off the road if they could drive without touching any of the grit on it that was paid for by the council tax that I pay. At the time, given the pain and fear of falling that I already had my reaction was a simple 'why don't you just fuck off'. After which it seemed they magically had room to just drive round me, so I suspect this was not the reaction they wanted. I am certain that if I was a man they would not have done this.

In a work meeting, several tasks (within my role but also in a male colleague's role) were passed to me as according to the male boss I am female so good at multi-tasking

I had major surgery for a medical condition which only affects females. It was painful and required quite a lot of getting my head around it all for how it changed how I looked

I have been harrassed by my abusive ex partner, who despite treating me very badly, has been convinced that if he can get me to accept he loves me and that I'm generally oversensitive, that we'll live happily ever after.

I have been tood my a married man at a party that he thinks I must have a tight little arsehole but as I won't sleep with him, he'll just have to imagine it

Just yesterday two men in Sainsburys wouldn't let me pass and I rolled my eyes, looked pissed off and went on my way. As I was looking at something they rounded the corner and one of them shouted "WHAHAHAAHAH" in my ear. That would not have happened if I were a man.

Constantly getting grilled by men much more junior to me about how I am doing my work (I do project work).

Happened to me just yesterday with a software vendor's junior.

Luckily for me, in this instance I just laughed and said "thank you, dear, I'm fully aware of your product's features - seeing as I was the lead architect for it before leaving your firm for my current employer!"

Poor sod was mortified. But he had it coming for being a massive prick to my team's assistant.

Just been into town with DH and toddler DS. It’s freezing. DH refused to wear a coat 🙄 whatever, he’s a grown up.

Woman in shop made judgy comment to me about the weather/ your husband isn’t wearing a coat. Because I’m responsible for the warmth of all three of us at all times.

Having random man sit next to me on the bus when there were loads of empty seats, then having him get annoyed when I choose to move to one of the empty seats, follow me and try to get me to apologise because he is entitled to sit were he like - but apparently I am not

I'm a plumber. Every single day someone congratulates me for that. "Oh! You're a plumber! That's amazing! You don't get enough girls doing that! (No women apparently ) you should be so proud! Look at that! You fixed it! What a role model!"

I'm glad people react so very well, but at the same time, no one has ever congratulated a male plumber. It's not a highly thought of vocation or anything. It's fairly low brow.

And it leaves me questioning whether I want my children to follow in my footsteps because it gets tedious. It was hard and I had to develop akin like rhino hide to get through training, and now I have this, I don't know, adoration? Extra scrutiny? Patronising? And it's a bit wearing.

My husband can always get a doctors appointment too. He can usually get one the same day with a decent doctor whenever he calls. I can never get in. He also seems to get taken a lot more seriously than I do, I have ongoing health problems which are repeatedly fobbed off, he always gets taken seriously and referred on.

When we moved house last year my husband dropped our kids off with grandparents while I finished packing. The removal men turned up whilst he was out, they were several hours early and promptly spoke to me like dirt because we hadn't finished packing and wasn't ready. When my husband came back and dealt with them suddenly everything was fine and there wasn't a problem!

Fishfingers I was ready to walk out, but then thought that would only reinforce his initial presumption that women can't do anything without their husbands (and I really needed that car ASAP due to impending arrival of DC2!). I almost felt like he didn't want me to buy it if that makes sense? It was so far outside his comprehension that it was even possible that I felt like I had to go on regardless.

To be honest, it was my "feminism enlightenment" moment - up to that point in my life i'd kind of just accepted nonsense like that without thinking about it too much. That for me, was the last straw.

Going to the GP about my failing mental health and being told that the way to beat it is to go out and find a man to offer me the commitment and stability I so obviously crave in my life.

*dragongirlx' Ah yes- the entitlement of sleezy old men to sit next to women.

I used to get the train to work and one dirty old man would try to sit next to (and very close to) a young woman every time he was on. If there were no young women he would try to sit with me. The first couple of times I dutifully said nothing (despite his inappropriate comments/questions about my appearance/hair colour etc) but he claimed I was being rude for not answering him. When I got up and moved apparently this offended him and he wanted an explanation.

I know that this would not happen to a man as he tried the same thing one day when DH was also on the train (but not sitting with me as there were not 2 seats together when we got on). When DH told him to move so we could sit together (not something he would usually do but he could see that I was uncomfortable and I'd told him before about this man) dirty old man apologised to DH. So apparently women have no right to sit where they like but men have right to decide who sits with their wives.

I have to say that being a woman has really helped me professionally over the last year. My work place is very male dominated and has come in for considerable criticism for this. I applied for a promotion to the (all male) management board. I actually think everyone was gunning for me as they really wanted a woman on the Board. I got the job because I am bloody good at what I do, but so are some of my male competitors and just this once I think being a woman helped as I knew they wanted me to succeed at interview and this really gave me a boost.

This one but of good fortune probably does not make up for the years when being the only senior woman was bloody hard or the time I announced my second pregnancy and was told by the chief exec that combining one child and a career was possible but as I had gone for two I had clearly deprioritised my career.

For me it was what didn’t happen because I am a woman - I wasn’t promoted even though all agreed that I can do the job. The reason the gave was lack of money. Then they suddenly found said money to appoint a new assistant director...a man.

My suggestion in a meeting was ignored, but when a male colleague said the same thing 5 minutes later, he was roundly praised for his great idea.

The new oven was broken, I was pretty sure that the reason was faulty wiring on the thermostat, the service rep addressed all remarks to my BF and only reluctantly accepted in the end I was right.

I was sick in bed and alone at home. A friend's teenage son let himself in (door was often unlocked, isn't anymore), came up to see me, tried to kiss me and grabbed my boob.

I then felt bad when I told her.

Morning sweats with menopause.

Having two lots of surgery for osteoarthritis in my hand, for a form of arthritis associated both with women and from use (i.e. not hereditary). The first surgery failed, because of the female problem of having tendons that are stretchy.

Finally being diagnosed with a mental health problem, by a psychiatrist, after waiting almost 30 years. (In my 20s, when I suspected and spoke to a male psychologist he told me I didn't have it because anyone who had it didn't realise they had it.) I'm now on appropriate medication. I am now the best I have felt in decades. It was a female psychiatrist.

Just remembered another instance. Our shower thermostat went on blink a few months after installation. The company rep (male) that came out to look at it then proceeded to tell me it wasn’t faulty and was all down to the water pressure of the property and that it was really complicated to explain to me. Funny how it had worked perfectly for 6 months and then stopped.

I had to explain the basic physics of a thermocouple before he realised I wasn’t going to fall for his silly patter and he reluctantly fitted a new replacement. It worked just fine after that for years!