What has happened to you in the last year that wouldn’t have happened if you were a man?

[LeslieKnopefan]

As I have become more interested in feminism I have started to realise that there are times that things happen to me that wouldn’t happen to a man.

In the past year...

1. Walked to the toilets in a bar and a group of blokes wouldn’t let me pass, kept making jokes and saying they wouldn’t let me pass without giving my number. I’m in my 30s and this was in a very naice bar!

1. Started a chant at a sports game, and generally sung my heart out. Had a bloke tell me to shut up and other blokes look at me like I was from outer space. On the plus side had some women see me in the pub later and tell me how much they enjoyed me starting the singing.

Received a letter addressed to 'Dr and Mrs' when it should have been 'Dr and Mr' as I'm the one with the doctorate.

Is sexism re: Doctor appointments a thing? DH always gets a doctor appointment, yet I don't think I've ever gotten higher than a nurse practitioner (not that there's anything wrong with a nurse practitioner). I just assumed he had a better 'ill voice' than me...

Called a bitch by some of the teenage boys I teach.

Repeatedly ignored by 2 particular boys, who are all sweetness and light to the male teachers.

Agreed to help lead Brownies.

Thought of another one.

Had a really abusive PM on Fb calling me a pommy bitch due to me airing my views on cricket. Bet he didn’t send a message to any blokes. Oh and he blocked me so I couldn’t even reply! How brave

Being told by my new boss that a senior man had congratulated her on hiring a woman. Then my current colleagues found out the company in question has set targets for next year.

I'm fairly comfortable that I got the post on merit- I have an excellent track record - but there will be plenty of men out there who will make comments. I've heard them do it about other senior women

Deciding I won't go for promotion at work due to the needs of our children. They're better off if I'm part-time.

Admitted to hospital for neurological problems and because I am a woman with a previous history of MH problems, it was quickly assumed (before most of the tests were even done) that my problem was probably psychosomatic.

I was shocked. When admitted to hospital in a confused state and feel vulnerable, the last thing I wanted to hear was the suggestion that if I just pulled myself together, I could stop my symptoms.

constantly trying to work out who will look after my children if I do x, y or z.

having to wait 3 months for an appointment to get my coil changed and not getting a choice over the time and date

Being called a bitch and told to die and threatened with painful sex when I refused to pull out of a junction with poor visibility caused by another driver (male) Far easier to scream, yell and threaten me for doing nothing wrong, than politely ask the other male drive to move forward a foot.

Had to argue about my need for gynae surgery - and then eventually had it waved through when DH said he’d had a vasectomy when I was bloody paying for it after being denied on theNHS.

Having a man grab me between the legs when I remonstrated with him for pushing in a queue.

Having my viewpoint completely ignored over something that my viewpoint is the only valid one, and then when pointing it out for the millionth time being told “well X said you’d be ok with it all” when X is a man with no insight into the situation.

Seen a counselor about being raped when I was in my teens. The rapists left me covered in foodstuff. Only now do I realise this may have been a premeditated act to get me to wash away evidence.

Had miscarriages and not been able to access appropriate support.

Been begging for a gynae referral for possible endometriosis (for literally years) and only just happened.

I have miraculously become invisible to both men and women.

I'm using it to my advantage.

Told by a random stranger that "Your husband won't be happy" when I had a scrape in my car.

Oh and had online abuse from men saying “does your husband know you’re on the internet? How haram!” or “does he rape you like Rotherham?” and other comments because my partner is Indian (not even Muslim!).

Cut dead by a manager who only likes listening to other men. He does it to other women too. He also criticises me by emailing male managers and cc'ing me - fortunately they know I'm right.

Got pregnant.

Planning on taking all the maternity leave despite earning more.

Took my husbands name. Justified my decision.

But I'm also really proud of breaking a gender stereotype and asking for a raise, which I got. With bells on.

• at work there's two of us in my team, I get most of the non challenging tasks including but not limited to "doing the post". Driving is a big part of our job, in the last year I've only been asked to drive once, when my male colleague was off

• taking my car to the garage after a breakdown, service advisor repeatedly directing questions/ info at my partner, who doesn't drive

Being told yesterday after explaining that two women on my team were going on maternity leave, so we won't be able to pick up much work, that that was the reason he only employed men. And then being taken aback when I told him not to be so sexist.
Mind you, I am the customer and he is the supplier and his collegues cringed at his remark. I am going on the assumption it was just a very bad joke.

Being told not be so emotional when I explained in detail why a senior management plan was bullshit and would cost a fortune, not save money.

Another one. Went to a shop to buy kitchen appliances, I asked all the questions but the answers were directed to my then boyfriend.

Missed out on a senior role at work because I'm on maternity leave. Been told when I choose to work full time hours the male colleague with half my experience who has been given the role (no application process) will stand down and I can apply for it. Am moving to a new place of work after maternity leave..

Coldcoffeez

Went through the menopause.

Getting asked by my boss, a nice man overall, to take notes in every meeting, despite the presence of several other, much more junior staff. But hey they are all men and note taking is women's work right?!

It being assumed I'm pregnant if I have a stomach bug or don't want a drink at a work function. Lots of conversations about kids and how hard it must be for me to juggle family life with a high level role. My husband,who works in the same field at a similar level, never gets asked such things.

Having to deal with a number of health issues this last year, all related to being female. Would have quite liked to skip that.

This happens all too often Triliteration and it's disgusting.

I also think there is something to the Dr appointments thing. The big man must really be ill and need help if he's reached out. Women are constantly vocal/reaching out for help, or moaning about problems so they are probably over exaggerating, and they likely don't need a Doctor let's ask them what's it for or send them to the nurse. If they do need to be seen it's probably likely to all be in their head, or just not that bad at all...in fact they are probably just having a bad week with their period, or tired from raising children/running the house/working.

I have experienced this TOO many times. Especially now I have a history of MH and 'female' problems. Everything is disregarded as in my head or just being over emotional.

I've had to fight tooth and nail for blood tests, even when I've gone in with an army of literature and studies printed off pubmed. Dp walks in and out with tests and even bloody stool samples all because he explained his symptoms matched something on google. (Absolutely no disrespect to my amazing dp but he was totally off the mark with that one, whereas I have always turned out to be right.) ((Though the Dr may disagree on a couple of them, but we all know the 'normal ranges' are BS when it comes to health))

Being told not be so emotional when I explained in detail why a senior management plan was bullshit and would cost a fortune, not save money.

Oh yes you've reminded me of another one. Setting out clearly and unemotionally why a particular situation in work was a problem and what we should do about it. The response 'Oh yes, I could tell you were upset about that'

Taking responsibility for every minute detail of my family's well-being and maintaining good relationships with the extended family.
Wherever I rebel and say "I'm not dealing with this this time" and the ball is inevitably dropped I feel hugely guilty and callous about it whenever I remember- chipping at my self-esteem.