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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Thought "feminist" meant women standing with women, was I so wrong?

129 replies

ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 20:42

Today, I really needed someone by my side. I was challenging in person some pretty dubious characters in respect of speaking truth in a difficult situation (think what you like). Sent a call out for "wimmin" to stand with me what did I find? Resounding echoes of silence........

Except........................

In a small corner of an otherwise unknown universe a saviour appeared.

In the form of an Anglican Chaplain, (yes a man) who lent his calm and compassionate self in a most trying situation, with no agenda, no dogma, just a desire to support and empower a person in pain.

Lesson learnt - never rely on the "sisterhood" they always let you down.....

OP posts:

pallisers · 31/01/2018 00:29

god, it is only women (or wimmin) who get judged so harshly. You send out a call for help to a community you are not a part of and when help doesn't flood in immediately at your convenience, then - damn those feminists, everything they believe in must be wrong and they are bad people because they didn't help Me Me Me.

I have been helped by women all my life. Most people - not just women - I know have had enormous help from women. Charities, local communities, caring professions, teaching, outreach - yes women.

Sorry you had a terrible day and encounter. Delighted you had someone by your side. You need to look at yourself not the feminist army (not an army - just ordinary women going about their lives, doing jobs, rearing children - not actually paid to be on standby for support) when analysing this situation.

hipsterfun · 31/01/2018 00:30

Honestly, I think you need to knock the booze on the head, OP. I have the feeling it won’t be helping.

Teabagtits · 31/01/2018 00:32

You asked a feminist group who didn’t know you, didn’t know if you were a feminist to help you out with a problem that none of them had information about prior to you approaching them for help.

Can I ask you what stopped you walking up to a woman in the supermarket and asking her to attend with you? Or a woman in the toilets in McDonalds?

I can see you needed support and you’re clearly upset you didn’t get it but I don’t think it’s quite as black and white as you’re making it. You didn’t have an existing relationship with these women (from what you’ve posted here) so you could have been (might still be) prison warden Dave who lives in his mums spare room and who trolls feminism boards looking to wind people up. How would they know you’re Shiney who was a real woman needing real help with a. Real issue?

And aren’t relationships reciprocal? So what were you, a self confessed non-feminist, non-lefty (although I’m sure that’s not necessarily a prerequisite) offering these women in return? It won’t have been support because you’re not a feminist and I’m not sure if the dialogue and debate element would have been to apparent either.

You’re asking a lot of people without really giving anything in return. Even within feminism groups, genuine altruism is rare

Original poster

ShineyNewName99 · 31/01/2018 00:44

Do you know what I notice on these boards? When it comes to trans stuff, it goes round and round in circles with the same posters saying the same things again and again and again. Yet when posters put up actual shout outs for involvement/action it becomes strangely silent as I noticed with the SRE consultation thread and various other consultations with very little actual engagement. Its almost as if it is enough to air views and then feel that righteous anger has been satisfied by posting on an anonymous forum....

OP posts:

Original poster

ShineyNewName99 · 31/01/2018 00:46

How would they know who I am? The person I asked to give the shout out to was very familiar with the case and could verify my authenticity

OP posts:

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 31/01/2018 00:47

Listen up wimmin, you’re all doing feminism wrong!

Signed: non-feminist.

Original poster

ShineyNewName99 · 31/01/2018 00:48

As to my not "giving support", how much more support do you want when one lone woman is taking on a HE institution on behalf of ALL women

OP posts:

ShineyNewName99 · 31/01/2018 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Teabagtits · 31/01/2018 00:50

😘

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 31/01/2018 00:50

pallisers · 31/01/2018 00:54

OP, two kinds of people turn up to support in these cases.

The kind of pastoral support you got from the Anglican chaplain. His or her focus is on helping anyone who needs help - no matter what. Just sitting by your side or standing with you. Well done him/her (can't remember which)

People who know you and are kind and want to help you in a personal capacity regardless of the issue.

People to whom the issue facing you matters on a policy level. They will need to know just what is happening, time to decide is it the kind of thing they should support or is it something they actually don't support at all, then they need to figure out who can go to help, taking time of work to do so. All of these organisation - especially the local feminist one - are volunteer. They have busy lives. So they need to plan who they can send. They need to be sure they aren't going to end up on the daily mail front page supporting some batshit awful cause.

Surely you can see the difficulties facing your local "feminist group" in you sending in a call for help like they are Scotland Yard and you are a local police force? They don't know who you are, they don't know what they are getting into and they need to go to work and feed their children.

Also are you sure the call you gave - if electronic - was even read in time???

pallisers · 31/01/2018 00:55

whoops - three kinds!

AngryAttackKittens · 31/01/2018 01:08

It might help if you didn't view feminists as "screaming banshees", OP. Do you really think the women you see that way can't tell? And that it won't impact how they relate to you?

I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt the first time but it looks like this is an ongoing issue, and one that's at least in part of your own creation. Feminists are fellow women, not a resource that you can drawn on when you feel like it and scorn the rest of the time.

SusanBunch · 31/01/2018 06:33

I know you are drunk and everything, but what you have written is quite incoherent.

Not sure what you were trying to challenge (did it have to do with bathrooms or something?) but surely you would approach the union in the first instance if you needed accompaniment to a meeting? I also work in HE and that would be my first port of call.

Is the feminist group based at or connected to the university? If it has nothing to do with the university, then I am not sure how they could be expected to help with an issue internal to the university. Additionally, not all feminists have the same attitude towards trans rights. You cannot expect them to blindly support something they may not 100% believe in. You absolutely cannot expect blind support if their jobs may be on the line. You might think that money and bank balance is by the by but I suspect that this is because you have a partner who earns money. When you have nobody to rely on but yourself, you think differently.

I am also unsure what the meeting was. Was it a disciplinary meeting? Were you just raising concerns with the VC and had arranged a meeting? It's very risky to do this on your own. It's better to find a group that shares your values and do it through that. While you may feel that you are striking a blow for 'women everywhere', your actions will now just be written off as one person ranting. There is safety in numbers.

I also struggle to understand the vitriol towards feminists and the sycophantic praise of the chaplain and right wingers. Firstly, being a feminist simply means believing in equality between the sexes. Do you not believe in that? Secondly, yes, the right-wingers will technically support your point in that they do not like trans people. They would also support you if you were anti gay adoption for instance. However, they are not your true allies because deep down right wingers dislike women and see them as inferior to men. The chaplain may seem like a sweet old man but that's his job. They talk to and deal with anyone who comes before them, including serial killers and rapists. They will always be sympathetic and listen. But I doubt the priest will be joining you on your future fight against trans rights. He was paid to listen, that is all.

Finally, your use of 'wimmin' is really fucking offensive. I hope you wouldn't use e.g. racial slurs because members from a particular race did not support you. If you wouldn't, then please don't use them against women either.

titchy · 31/01/2018 07:53

Did you really think that inviting a load of random strangers nothing to do with your institution to come along to your meeting would be allowed?

Seriously I applaud you for making a stand, but you're massively going about this the wrong way.

Lots of people here have said post the issue and we'll give you a game plan. We could actually help you. But it seems you'd rather get pissed than listen. You're really not helping yourself.

Scabbersley · 31/01/2018 07:56

Is this a Turing test?

Snowbelled · 31/01/2018 08:05

I wouldn't have come if you are in rl anything like you are in your posts. I avoid men and women who disagree with feminism and who are ranty.

There is a person local to me who is always trying to get people involved in stuff. No one wants to go despjte agreeing with the cause because she is annoying.

Scrumplestiltskin · 31/01/2018 08:21

I agree with AnotherQuoll, re: OP sounding like someone with an anime avatar

GriefLeavesItsMark · 31/01/2018 08:54

I'd read the rumours about this being a scary board, but I didn't believe them until now.

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/01/2018 08:55

It's as if you think your local feminist group should act like a union and send a rep when you need one, even though you're not a member and have nothing to do with that group. It's bizarre that you thought they might have complied with your request. Even more bizarre that you expected people from this group that are strangers to you, to contact you and ask after you and your wellbeing.

Actually, do you have a union or a professional organisation that you can get legal advice and support from?

hackmum · 31/01/2018 09:01

OP, I think the discussion is going round in circles, but what do you think might be the best way forward for you? When it comes to the trans issue, some women have put their head above the parapet, so it could be worth contacting the organisers of A Woman's Place, who may be able to help - am fairly sure they have been in touch with lawyers.

Also I wonder if talking to the press might help - obviously this could go either way, but the Times reporters might be interested as they have been very good on this.

Finally, are you the member of a union? If your job is genuinely under threat, they ought to be able to support you.

Datun · 31/01/2018 09:14

OP can you PM me the name of the institution you are referring to?

Something about what you have said has rung a bell for me.

I might know somebody gender critical there, who could support you.

BeyondWitchbitchterf · 31/01/2018 09:42

A bit ot here, but re assasinated post "It's as if you think your local feminist group should act like a union and send a rep when you need one, even though you're not a member and have nothing to do with that group" - I wonder if there is a gap here for a GC feminist Union? To act on people being victimised by their employers based on their concerns. Would that even be possible, without focusing on other employment issues? I don't know

BeyondWitchbitchterf · 31/01/2018 09:58

I've started another thread about that to save hijacking yours, shiney. Hope the wine-hangover-god has been kind to you this morning again :)

TitaniasCloset · 31/01/2018 14:05

I feel for you OP and I hope you don't lose your job. Things are getting nasty right now.

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