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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Thought "feminist" meant women standing with women, was I so wrong?

129 replies

ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 20:42

Today, I really needed someone by my side. I was challenging in person some pretty dubious characters in respect of speaking truth in a difficult situation (think what you like). Sent a call out for "wimmin" to stand with me what did I find? Resounding echoes of silence........

Except........................

In a small corner of an otherwise unknown universe a saviour appeared.

In the form of an Anglican Chaplain, (yes a man) who lent his calm and compassionate self in a most trying situation, with no agenda, no dogma, just a desire to support and empower a person in pain.

Lesson learnt - never rely on the "sisterhood" they always let you down.....

OP posts:
ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 21:50

Not at all Gacapa, like many others come on here to rant from time to time.

OP posts:
ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 21:52

PS I did actually ask nicely - maybe I should have been confrontational and obtuse in real life?

OP posts:
QuentinSummers · 29/01/2018 21:52

You could have said what you wanted without sounding like you've swallowed a Russell Brand. Grin

OP I am baffled as to what happened, what you wanted and why you've come onto the feminist board to tell us about it. It is most bizarre.
People (men or women) don't have to get drawn into your work related dramas if they don't Want to. Sex doesn't come into it.

In future maybe ask someone you trust and wait to see if they agree to help before starting this kind of thing.

CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 29/01/2018 21:53

I don't think they knew you were calling them to action. I think maybe they just thought you were saying random words in no particular order.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/01/2018 21:55

In truth it was the most frightened and intimidating experience I have even found myself in.

Shiney I understand this. I've been speaking out in several of my real-life circles, and it hasn't been easy, and I know there will be consequences.

I'm sorry you've been through this. If you are doing it again, and want advice to try and find ways to build allies and support before you go in (without having to rely on random clergy), please do come back and talk.

Datun · 29/01/2018 21:56

ShineyNewName99

Datun, in that case as stated earlier it is a lost cause and you may as well give up any claims to "womanhood".

You are mistaking this as the final battle. It's not. We're in the middle of a process.

A year ago, there were zero gender critical articles in mainstream media. That has changed.

A year ago if you posted on anywhere other than the feminist section, you would have 90% of posters denigrating you for being transphobic.
That has changed.

A year ago Jennifer James would have raised £3.50.
That has changed.

So transactivists have upped
the ante. They have ratcheted up the pressure, due to more gender critical women speaking out.

They have set up a hit list, Labour against Transphobia. To target women get them ousted from the Labour party. These are examples of being on the back foot.

Jeremy Corbyn was asked outright by Andrew Marr whether he thought transwomen were women.

A year ago this would have been unheard of.

Transactivists are piling on at a rate of knots to stop women speaking. It was generally only feminists who understood this. A feminist can spot misogyny at 50 paces. Hence TERF. Targeting radical feminists.

Now more women, not necessarily feminists, are getting it.

But it takes time.

It is snowballing, now.

And it will reach critical mass.

But the general public need to be aware first.

Transphobia is the magic word that can strike the fear of God into companies.

They need to get with the programme so they feel more confident in challenging it.

And they are, slowly but inexorably.

This is a process. And we are still in the middle.

ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 22:00

Is that the voice of reason Quentin? Aside from the fact that I am currently nissed as a pewt as I am about to lose my job. Bottom line. I found myself in a situation where I was no longer able to compromise myself for untruths and asked colleagues who I thought were "gender critical" to come to my aid. Imagine if you will the scene, a group of people sat around discussing the state of the nation during lunch break whom you thought were "allies" and trying to explain why you are being hauled up to answer for your TERFY crimes, only to find that said colleagues were prepared to offer you up fro slaughter because they didn't have the proverbial "balls" to support you. Yes I have kids and a mortgage but guess that is totally irrelevant? Thank you and goodnight - think I will try being a Tory after this shitshow

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 29/01/2018 22:02

think I will try being a Tory after this shitshow

You know that the Tories have been leading on this trans bollocks, Shiney? They aren't your friends on this any more than the other parties.

ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 22:04

Sorry Archie been a helluva day and not quite sure what tomorrow will bring, this is the price of trying to protect vulnerable adults in HE

OP posts:
TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 29/01/2018 22:10

Shiney what a nightmare. I'm sorry you've been through that. I hope it doesn't turn out as badly as you fear Gin

ShineyNewName99 · 29/01/2018 22:12

Its ok Tallulah, sometimes you just have to step up to the plate and sod the consequences

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 29/01/2018 22:16

Shiney will you come back and tell us, please, tomorrow or whenever, how it's going with you?

Your first post was kind of garbled, and blamey - which put some of our backs up at first. But now I think more of us understand what you are going through, and why you posted in that way, and I at least would like to know how you are.

Anyway - here's hoping your stand had some effect.

Datun · 29/01/2018 22:17

shiney

Please try and make yourself aware of the law, if you haven't already.

It's quite likely that your company is operating under misinformation.

We are seeing it everywhere.

You haven't given us the specifics, so I don't know what the actual problem is.

But many companies are running ahead of the law, unwittingly.

The link below might help. It addresses the law and exemptions for women that are already included, but not being invoked.

Come back tomorrow and see if we can sort this out.

lookaside.fbsbx.com/file/FPFW_UK_Equality_Act_2010_guide.pdf?token=AWz9QZzfk67503YSCnb5swAPgu-5vVcS60zyAWKb-GeWNWXp793MxTFb60SZ43V8k7K55NY57jJTSHH5nBKHaZ5k-URaEmpCWUoE9fSsXs-yS9qZAt2OKPNQdM56yPr2vvPfP85hcaWJTC1dWqsjJysb6Lr05zsHIU-Iyu10uG0qMDGjgmwrgE_PxAYgIdxJW4h8RrSKQyHrfu5unk6i6WaydDGGKswfhLp6AJLssuWYow

titchy · 29/01/2018 22:26

Yes please come back tomorrow (sober!). I'm sure if you need legal advice on process, or any other sort of help, or ideas of how to deal with your specific issue, you will find it here. Wine

titchy · 29/01/2018 22:30

I'd suggest framing your argument, if you haven't already, around an individual student. They can be made up, but often telling a story about someone's life hits home far better than stats and rants about principles and legal issues. Your chaplain should help frame it similarly focussing on specific students cultural and religious needs.

BarrackerBarmer · 29/01/2018 22:59

You didn't ask me.

I don't know who you did ask.
I don't know what groups you are part of.
I don't understand why you are extrapolating your disappointment onto every woman you've never met. I get that you want to howl at the moon, so do we all at these ridiculous times we're living through, but you've redirected your frustrations onto strangers.

I'm sorry you felt let down by whoever it was you wanted to help you.

tiktok · 29/01/2018 23:46

Shiney, your later posts have clarified what your op was getting at.

It sounds like you’ve been courageous and principled.

Stick around and stay in touch but don’t be obscure!

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2018 00:02

OK so you've had a little sauce this evening. And you're riled up and pissed off. Have a big glass of water, painkillers and wake up and come back and have a chat.

I hope the hangover gods smile on you and you get a freebie.

thebewilderness · 30/01/2018 00:05

xkcd.com/385/

AnotherQuoll · 30/01/2018 00:07

I'lll say it, OP reads like someone with an anime avatar.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 30/01/2018 06:57

Are you really an HE tutor?

AngryAttackKittens · 30/01/2018 08:12

I do not ascribe to labels other than those that are empirically available to us prior to moving on to the synthesis of ideological thinking. Ooo that was fun

The hit of acid you took before writing that sentence or the trip afterwards?

AngryAttackKittens · 30/01/2018 08:17

Is that the voice of reason Quentin? Aside from the fact that I am currently nissed as a pewt as I am about to lose my job. Bottom line. I found myself in a situation where I was no longer able to compromise myself for untruths and asked colleagues who I thought were "gender critical" to come to my aid. Imagine if you will the scene, a group of people sat around discussing the state of the nation during lunch break whom you thought were "allies" and trying to explain why you are being hauled up to answer for your TERFY crimes, only to find that said colleagues were prepared to offer you up fro slaughter because they didn't have the proverbial "balls" to support you. Yes I have kids and a mortgage but guess that is totally irrelevant? Thank you and goodnight - think I will try being a Tory after this shitshow

OK the booze talking makes more sense. Here's the thing though - people willing to stand up for what they believe in in the fact of significant opposition are always in the minority. That's not a woman thing, it's a people thing. Compared to even 6 months ago, there are more women standing up now. Your colleagues being a bit shit does not mean that women as a whole are a bit shit.

birdbandit · 30/01/2018 12:18

I understand now.

OP, I am sorry you stood up, and that folk you thought would have your back, didn't.

AreYouOrHaveYouEverBeenATERF · 30/01/2018 13:18

Hey OP, I hope you come back or start another thread about this.

You've found your people right here - MN feminist section (and all of MN) is incredibly supportive, please stick around.

Women are scared of raising their head above the parapet - because of the abuse, and threats they get when they speak out - but the worm is slowly turning I think. Well done for standing up to it, at personal risk to yourself.