Celebrating being female

[Redonionricedpotato]

Feeling quite despondent about the state of the world and how tough it can be to be female in 2018. So I thought I’d start a positive thread, to remind myself of all the positive things about being female. What are yours? Doesn’t matter if they seem trivial, please share!

Yes absolutely. I am so not jealous. I'm delighted to be older and to be able to be myself and express my opinions without caring what other people will think of me for having them. I'm so glad to be beyond worrying if men find me attractive. So freeing.

I hoped that this wouldn't turn into "but some women can't..." misery, and denigration of others experiences.

"Similarly, pregnancy is not an achievement it is a biological process that occurs or doesn't occur following sex. The idea that it is something that people 'achieve' or are proud of is something I find very odd. It's like being proud of how tall you are?"

Each woman who chooses pregnancy and chooses birth is consciously risking her life and health. Every woman should be in complete control of what she does with her body. And when you've risked death yourself and felt the enormity of using your own body to bring forth another, you gain an intense respect for any woman who willingly chooses this, and a ferocious drive that such a momentous experience should always and only ever be a free choice. For every woman, everywhere.

I don't for one moment use my experience to prescribe to others. On the contrary, having done it myself, I would fight more fiercely for those who don't choose it. It's too huge to be treated as ordinary. Birth may be commonplace, but it is impossible to state the enormity of it.

I think the sense of shame that infertile people apparently feel, according to you Quentin, is more likely down to these type of opinions that tie up womanhood and motherhood into one bundle that cannot be separated.

The idea that infertility is shameful alongside the fact that Guardian didn't even seem to conceive of childfree by choice in her little list of 'women who will never know the glory of giving birth' is at the root of all this. I wonder if women in 3rd world countries having their 16th or 17th child have these wonder moments of self actualisation or is that reserved for privileged western women?

Guardians, I don't think my post was taking away childbirth being the pinnacle of female fulfilment for you. I said it was important for women to share their stories of individual empowerment and their birth experiences. I don't think I have a concept of there being a notion of "female fulfilment", from an individual point of view or through a feminist lens. This thread was posted on feminist chat and I posted in line with that about unpicking a concept of universal female fulfilment.

Pregnancy and birth as phenomena, are fascinating to me, they may also be amazing experiences for women. For many women, giving birth is a massive baptism of biology, in an otherwise incredibly sanitised life that's removed from life events. For many women, there isn't that level of engagement with it. For others, there is a lot of suffering.

Women's bodies are amazing, whether we have children or not.

I mean mine isn't. The endometriosis that grew out of my uterus and tangled itself across all my pelvic organs and bowel, that then led them to all prolapse out of me, be meshed back and suspended off my spine, might be fascinating clinically, but for me experiencing it, it's been fucking awful.

Aw fuck hinged

barracker - i think that your whole post comes from such a position of 1st world privilege. The vast majority of pregnancies across the world are not a matter of choice they are just a possible outcome of sex. The idea that all pregnancies are a result of a reasoned choice by women is simply nonsensical. Where there is free and easy access to contraception there is also usually very low rates of maternal death and therefore women in the 1st world are not as a rule risking their lives. These are the women who are choosing pregnancy. Those who are not able to choose through lack of access to contraception are also sadly those who really are risking their lives.

You need to reread my post as you have entirely missed the point.

It is EXACTLY because I understand that birth and pregnancy are such a risk that I am passionate about the rights if women globally.
It is BECAUSE I almost died that I understand how critical maternal healthcare is globally.
It is because I have lived in Africa and India that I have seen first hand the impact of this biological process you dismiss so cavalierly as a mere consequence of sex that I grant it the importance it deserves.

This is a thread to celebrate the magnificence of being female.

Add your own experience. We'll celebrate that with you.
Don't tear down those of others. Don't be destructive.

Can we ignore the derailer please?

hinged

Yes, Quentin, agreed.
I had meant to post to Hermione for her lovely post.

Ignoring...

Female bodies may have less upper body strength and less speed over short distances than male bodies, but we really come into our own in endurance events. Ultra marathon? Long distance swimming? Being female is an advantage there.

Get caught in the snow? More likely to survive extreme cold temperatures. Who lives longer on average? It's us!

Barracker - I am sorry that I didn't read your post as you intended it, I was simply responding to what I understood by it. I do not seek to be destructive but i do find it depressing that amongst all of the wonderful things people have posted on this thread that there are those who consider that the pinnacle of female fulfilment is reproducing. it is not about tearing others down it is about expressing a difference of opinion. Perhaps my view is coloured by the fact that through my work i come across an awful lot of people who are not IMO the people who I would consider people who should be celebrated, yet they have without fail given birth often despite the fact their actions and lifestyle are often not in the best interests of their children. I accept that that may well colour my view.

Yes angry
Being female is an advantage when times are hard too and I seem to recall that women living in poverty/hard times are more likely to have girls and more affluent families, boys.
Yet we are called the weaker sex

Apology accepted. 😊

What would you feel for you is something specifically female and wonderful? Something that resonates with you personally? I'm loving this thread.

Can we ignore the derailer please?

Indeed!

Let's celebrate women!

Because obviously the only definition of strength that matters is who can hit things the hardest.

After years of infertility, IVF, the help of an amazing woman who donated her eggs (thank you), a shit pregnancy, a horrific childbirth that could have killed both us of us, the moment when I looked at my crumpled up little baby who looked more like gollum than a small child and my whole body was filled with monumental love for this teeny tiny little thing. That moment for me was immense. I thought he was the most beautiful thing in the whole world. He really wasn't!

I like to think of the other women in my family, beyond my mother, aunts, and grandmothers, and the history that we share as related women.

I'd love to know more about them, their lives, their experiences, and tell them mine.

I just like that there's this long history of women behind me, and this will sound odd but when my daughter died I dreamed that those women we're related to were waiting for her, and it comforts me to imagine that although she's not with me, somewhere she's joined them.

I'm not in the slightest bit religious so it's not that, just this idea of the women who came before me are somehow also as nearby as the women who will come after.

I realise I've been nowhere near as eloquent as some of the women here and I'd like to thank them for their posts too

I have achieved all kinds of things professionally and personally in my life. At 60 I can look back and feel proud of many of these. I have also grown, birthed and fed two DSs and that also felt good. My body has now let me down and I have chronic illness and a very restricted life. But I feel so happy that my feeble body is still a comfort to my lads when they are down or distressed. A hug with Mum still helps.

Before I had children, I saw myself in the future with daughters and was almost distraught when I gave birth to sons. But I feel that my feminism has helped two loving and wonderful (most of the time) men to develop and go out into the world. They are a legacy as well as some of my professional achievements.

However many women do it, want to do it and can't (awful), or don't want to do it, or or or...

... a female body gestating an entire new human being is a much, much, a million times much better thing than anything a male body can do. Making a few sperm? Pfft. Not worth a candle in comparison.

It was not my intention to derail and I am saddened to see that questioning the idea that giving birth is the pinnacle of womanhood is seen as somehow tearing women down and that I should be ignored.

personally i consider time spent in women's spaces be they girls's schools, clubs or other leisure activities particularly outdoor activities to be fantastic, the sense of community and support that they give is a real source of strength.

I look the way we can have friends across generations

Birth was only a few hours in whole existence this alone does not define me as a woman.

Reproduction is awesome. It just is.

There was not a person. And then there was.

Regardless of the circumstances of the pregnant / birthing / child-rearing woman. That is amazing. Creating life is amazing.

There was not a person. And then there was. A whole new unique different person. It’s inexpressible. It’s the most amazing thing there is.

Before you were born there was a whole planet without you on it. And then you were created. Made. Out of female flesh. Fed. Grown. Birthed. There was no you, then there was a you.

It’s fucking amazing.

hear hear! batteries!

There is nothing more magical, mysterious or amazing for us than our life itself. And who brings this life into the world?

Women!