Celebrating being female

[Redonionricedpotato]

Feeling quite despondent about the state of the world and how tough it can be to be female in 2018. So I thought I’d start a positive thread, to remind myself of all the positive things about being female. What are yours? Doesn’t matter if they seem trivial, please share!

Love both barrack and batteries sides of the same coin (is that the right phrase?)

I'd say our fight. We have been pushed down for millennia, but there is always someone fighting for better times. We cannot be beaten.

I love the sisterhood of women. Girls have got each other's backs and then when we grow up older women as well as being supportive start almost letting us in on secrets. This woman's culture I think other posters have described.

The eye-roll and raised eyebrow can be like a private language between women.

I like that no matter what the media and men say I feel that it is always women who save the day - cool, calm, collected and fearless in a crisis.

No man makes me laugh like a sarcastic and witty woman can.

What's the difference in celebrating being female versus biological essentialism?

I'm in my late twenties, have never had children and now never will, following numerous surgeries I had last year. I've been at births in a professional capacity, provided non obstetric gynae care for women and now pursue research interests in wider aspects of maternal health.

I didn't grow up in a feminist household, I'm not surrounded by role model matriarchs and I don't see the beauty in every woman around just because they are female.

I appreciate the powerful testimony of pregnancy and birth, understand and have seen women's lives transform for the better as a direct result of it. I've also seen unpleasant things. I think this type of testimony is so important, particularly in the face of poor postpartum care, but this is the testimony and celebration of (biological) motherhood, in a developed country. Growing a life within you and birthing that child is of course the most intrinsic female capability, but that's different from positioning it as the pinnacle of female fulfilment.

I don't see any celebration in myself being female - it is my only existence. The very health problems that I've suffered from are because I am female - I don't have the same romantic views of the power of incredibleness of female biology. I am fortunate that I don't feel the desperation and suffering many women do because of infertility - perhaps this will change. I do find it difficult to navigate other people's reactions (I was visually unwell) when talking about what had happened to me. They talked about my potential future motherhood being taken away from me and the perceived lack of purpose that I would therefore have in my life.

I used to hang out with the boys when I was younger, but as I have got older I have grown to enjoy the company of women more.

I am also much more aware of the discrepancies between the lives of men and women.

You do become more of a mother figure to younger women, and yes you can pass on your lived experience. You do not have to have your own children to do this (indeed, your own daughters don't want to know )

I made friends with my neighbour who was the same age as me but who had gone through a disappointing marriage, surgery, found an absolutely lovely husband, but then had no hope of having children with him so had to go through that disappointment. She had a really good career and made lots of friends, then took some time out when her pension was big enough, to explore new options. We sort of connected at this point, when my children got to the more grown up stage, to do things together. She has a perfectly valid woman's experience of life. We took different paths, whether by choice or not, but we are still connected.

Growing a life within you and birthing that child is of course the most intrinsic female capability, but that's different from positioning it as the pinnacle of female fulfilment.

I think it is the pinnacle of female fulfilment for me. If you include breastfeeding, etc, is there anything else better about the female body can do or is uniquely female?

Of course there are a huge number of other things women can do with our lives that are fulfilling - but are those things unique to females?

This thread is a celebrating females one, that's why celebrating bio motherhood is key. It is important - I feel sad for the women who missed the boat of motherhood because of undue negativity (what I learned from experience are damaging lies) about pregnancy, birth and motherhood making them wait for 'perfect' conditions or to intellectually have squared up being 'ready'.

I don't think the childless lesbians, infertile women or the 'it never worked out for them' women are less impressive, valuable or brilliant than women who have kids - often, to wider society as a whole, they are more so. But I still feel they don't know how amazing their own bodies are.. but some might argue you can't miss what you don't know.. Though I feel a lot of compassion for the women who do miss it and I don't want to act like their grief doesn’t matter.

Women's bodies are amazing, whether we have children or not.

I’m an infertile woman who has (obviously) never been pregnant or breastfed. I think this thread is inspiring and gorgeous. Women and our bodies are amazing. I’m in awe of every woman who has done it. It’s life giving and essential. You rock.

Hermione

guardianlions - I find your post wholly depressing and deeply patronising. Motherhood is not central to the experience of being female and IMO is certainly not the most remarkable thing a female can do. Having periods is unique to being female but it is not something that we as humans are in control of any more than we are in control of the need to defecate or breathe. Similarly, pregnancy is not an achievement it is a biological process that occurs or doesn't occur following sex. The idea that it is something that people 'achieve' or are proud of is something I find very odd. It's like being proud of how tall you are?

On topic, from Glosswitch

Men fret about a world run by "inexperienced" famous women. Meanwhile I dream of one run by the hardcore fringes of Mumsnet.

We'd fucking ace it can we do it, can we start a political party

lemons your post sounds very depressing. What a bleak worldview!

Birthing, breastfeeding and childrearing are very different from 'defacating'.

What a breathtaking insult!

There might be a reason you were attracted to such an acerbic, sour and bitter username!

We live closer to birth and death than men.

This is so true. YY. Giving birth removed my fear of death. I imagine that death will be quite similar. A prolonged, scary, painful, vulnerable build up followed by release.

I think that all women live closer to birth and death than men, whether or not they have children. We are usually more physically vulnerable than men, we menstruate and undergo medical procedures linked to our reproductive potential, we are expected to care for those close to death.

guardian - it was not meant to be depressing! I find it depressing that you consider a biological process that you have no control over to be the peak of female fulfilment. Childrearing is a completely different kettle of fish as it is an actual conscious process. If you consider that Tracey Connolly and Rosemary West have achieved a peak of female fulfilment worth celebrating that Teresa May and Oprah Winfrey will never manage then I suggest that you are the one with the skewed worldview!

Re women being "inexperienced" at politics, even if that was true I'm not sure how it would be possible for us to fuck things up more badly than the blokes have done.

Considering that women still die in childbirth sometimes even with the best possible medical care I'd say that if any woman who's done it considers it an achievement I as a childless woman would have to be pretty churlish to begrudge her feeling that way.

HermioneWeasley

Hermione how lovely.

I’m really enjoying this thread too.

Just to be cheeky I’d like to say the clitoris is quite a fulfilling part of being a female

Every time I see the male reaction to anything even lightly knocking against their balls I'm pretty glad I don't have those. Or dangly bits in general, seems inconvenient. How are they not constantly sitting on them? Much happier with the way things are shaped on women from that perspective.

lemons I think I covered Theresa May and Oprah Winfrey (although Oprah did lose an infant as a young teen) when I said:
"I don't think the childless lesbians, infertile women or the 'it never worked out for them' women are less impressive, valuable or brilliant than women who have kids - often, to wider society as a whole, they are more so."

Anlaf thanks for the twitter thread

guardian - but all of that was with the caveat that

'I think it is the pinnacle of female fulfilment for me.' which i took to mean you as referring to all females rather than your own personal fulfilment

and

'I still feel they don't know how amazing their own bodies are.. but some might argue you can't miss what you don't know.'

Which is massively patronising and also IMO very offensive to women whose bodies do not fulfil your criteria i.e those who are infertile or whose bodies do not sustain pregnancies.

So I guess mine would be that the thing I love most about being a woman is my connection to other women.
This. My friendships with women, people who absolutely and unquestioningly have my back, people who give me support when I need it and give me a huge sense of satisfaction and pride when they ask me to return the favour.
I don't know many men with tgat depth of friendship and I'm so grateful I have it.

"Which is massively patronising and also IMO very offensive to women whose bodies do not fulfil your criteria i.e those who are infertile or whose bodies do not sustain pregnancies."

They do fulfil my criteria. Their female bodies are still amazing even there is a problem conceiving or sustaining pregnancies. They are still female.

I saw the tweet yesterday and was like "YAAAAAAAASSSSSS"

I think one of the realisations I've had recently has been just how much effort goes in to making the voices of older women seem irrelevant and dated. The only reason i can think of for this is that us sharing our wisdom and life experience with younger women is perceived to be dangerous and must be stopped.

guardian I'm with you too. Pregnancy/birth/lactation is an amazing thing. When my first child was born I had on overwhelming sense of feeling like a different person. My body was doing what it was designed to do. It is very powerful (hence why infertile people often feel a sense of shame).

lemon I have never had that feeling about having a shit.

Thanks for a great thread op

anlaf let's show WEP how to do a proper job!!

"I think one of the realisations I've had recently has been just how much effort goes in to making the voices of older women seem irrelevant and dated. The only reason i can think of for this is that us sharing our wisdom and life experience with younger women is perceived to be dangerous and must be stopped."

Yep. Much easier for men to take advantage of young women if they've been convinced that older women are "just jealous" and there's no need to take our advice or attempts to warn them about shit men might try to pull on them seriously.