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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

weirdest places you’ve encountered inappropriate behaviour and how you’ve reacted

28 replies

Booagain · 04/01/2018 13:22

First post but I’m livid. Was in a book shop this morning in the cookery section (irrelevant) and a guy just sidled up to me and grabbed my butt! I whipped round and glared at him but I’ll be honest, I was so shocked I didn’t say anything and he just walked away! Now I’m going over all the things I should have said and feel idioctic.
Where and what have your come backs been because I feel I need to arm myself with something to say!!!

OP posts:

losamsterdamos · 04/01/2018 13:41

"your hand feels so good on my butt, would you like to come back to mine for a coffee?"

or perhaps not what you had in mind?

guardianfree · 04/01/2018 13:43

Go back to the bookshop - ask if they've got CCTV and have it on tape - get them to copy and then - then report him to the police for assault plus evidence.
I he's done it to you, he'll do it to someone else.

phoenix1973 · 04/01/2018 13:52

This happened to me when i was young. Getting on the bus, guy behind grabs my butt i grab the hand, wave it in the air asking "who owns this hand? It seems to be on my butt" he actually went scarlet, retrieved his hand from my desth grip and got off the bus. He had to wsit for another one. Fecker. I can barely remember being that feisty young woman. ☹

Original poster

Booagain · 04/01/2018 15:48

Brilliant Phoenix! Haha!
Yes good idea guardian, I’ll ring them and see about cctv.

OP posts:

thedancingbear · 04/01/2018 16:27

what guardianfree said. best-case scenario is he bought something on card whilst he was in the shop, in which event he'll be in big, big trouble.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 04/01/2018 16:30

At 19 a taxi driver drove me to a bit of waste ground instead of the route home - he asked me if I was scared, what would I do to stop him if he tried it on etc. Told him firmly (thank God for alcohol) that I wasn't scared and to take me the fuck home.
He did, my dm rang the cab firm who sacked him on the spot (so they said anyway) didn't ring the police as was worried it was my own fault.

Just wanted to go to end and sleep off the drink tbh!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/01/2018 16:32

Work.

Guy put his hand on my arse.

I heard rumours of someone dying a few days later. Not seen this regular customer since.

Think I killed him.

MimsyBorogroves · 04/01/2018 16:37

Walking down a road in Camden as a student. Walked past a bloke - next thing I knew he punched me in the back. Didn't do anything, carried on walking and wished I could disappear. Wish I'd confronted him.

As an 18 year old - first proper job. Working in a very blokey department - only female member of staff. Lots of inappropriate humour - I joined in until the day one of the lads grabbed me, dragged me between two book cases and simulated sex with me for the amusement of the other lad working there that day. Internally horrified but tried to laugh it off so I didn't lose face. Again, wish I had dealt with it.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 04/01/2018 16:53

Aggressive, PUA-style chatup attempt while I was in an A&E waiting room. I was clearly a patient, and was also hiding behind a book, but he carried on anyway. I think I was called before it got to the stage where action would have been required.

Thermostatpolice · 04/01/2018 19:08

A man once tried to break my hotel room door down. I pushed a piece of furniture up against it and rang reception. The elderly female receptionist came storming up and ordered him to get lost. Amazingly, he did

ScreamingValenta · 04/01/2018 19:13

I was walking to work and a man walking towards me completely randomly yelled in my face - not words, but a sort of roaring yell - then carried on walking. I carried on walking myself, but it was loud enough that people on the other side of the busy road were staring. I felt shaken and idiotic. I suppose he might have been on drugs or suffering MH issues, but it was very intimidating.

shouldaknownbetter · 04/01/2018 19:48

At the peacegardens in Sheffield, where there are little sprinklers that come out of the ground, told by an old tramp to get my fanny in there....

Original poster

Booagain · 04/01/2018 20:28

God, these are all horrific encounters- so sorry you all had to deal with them!!

OP posts:

Muthafunker · 04/01/2018 20:42

On the underground (Berlin) early one morning on the way to work. Only me and a bloke in the carriage. Got his nob out and started having a wank. I moved and he just came and stood right next to me, carrying on. Didn't feel confident enough to report it...if someone did that to me now I'd have no hesitation to report.

SophoclesTheFox · 04/01/2018 21:33

A bloke sitting with his feet in the jacuzzi of the very posh spa, with his cock out.

I spluttered "Oh my goodness" and shot back out into the pool, where I chuntered up and down a few lengths hoping he'd go so I could have my jacuzzi.

And now I ask myself why I didn't go to reception and get the pervy fucker thrown out?

Likewise with the flasher in the park (times two), the flasher/wanker by the canal, the guy who wanked on my back on the tube, the friend of my dads who put his hand up my skirt at a family party...

And that's just the mild stuff that I don't mind mentioning. There's been much worse, too.

Never reported a single one of them. Because they're "not serious". What sort of world do we live in where I can just write these things off as "stuff happens"? Gah! I am angry tonight. OP, I don't know where to get comebacks from, because I've never had them either

QuentinSummers · 04/01/2018 22:36

Work recently. Man pushed behind me and rubbed his crotch on my butt. I froze and did nothing.

QuentinSummers · 04/01/2018 22:37

I have since reported it and they are taking it very seriously but I wish I had said something at the time/paid more attention because I didn't get a good look at the man.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/01/2018 22:49

I've just remembered the times when I was working in a pub. Man who was completely pissed dropped his jeans and undies.

I may have burst out laughing

I've been followed and "hugged" a few times

Drunks on buses sitting too close right up against me.

Man on holiday leading a guided tour (abroad) asking my dad to take photo of him and me. Which he did while the guide put his hand on my arse

Chinese restaurant hired out for a private party. Friend of some family who were at the party pulled me up to dance by the bra strap.

More work at the pub where people twanged my underwear as they we're sometimes above the waist of my trousers or lifted up my top slight to look at my tattoo without asking.

Queue if a night club. Bouncer shining torch down my top.

Most of the time i just laughed and shrugged it off and accepted it was just how it is.

BossyBitch · 05/01/2018 00:24

Regular at the pub where I worked after school grabbed my bum and made a suggestive comment. Said pub belonged to my father, who was standing 2 yards away when it happened. Glad to say that bloke was no longer a regular after that.

MrsDilber · 05/01/2018 00:31

Young 17yo me was sitting at the back of a bus facing another chair with a middle aged man on it. He was grinning, I avoided eye contact - eventually I realised he was masterbating. I moved seats but didn't say anything to anyone. 47 year old me, wouldn't have been so passive.

PinkChestnut · 05/01/2018 09:58

When I was 19 was sitting in a Chinese takeaway waiting for food and chatting with my then boyfriend. We must have laughed about something and a middle aged man at the counter turned round looked right at me and did a mocking laugh then snarled "fucking bitch!" and looked at me with a face of full on hatred. Was so random and freaky I didn't react but still wonder what the hell his problem was.

Deathraystare · 12/01/2018 09:57

Think I killed him.

With any luck!

CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 13/01/2018 09:04

Oh I win this one!

A man wanking in the garden of...wait for it...Yad Vashem - the Holocaust museum in Jerusalem.

Backingvocals · 13/01/2018 09:16

In my grandmother’s house. “Family friend”

On a lighter note I saw a man in the Princess Diana Memorial Garden - the one you can only go into with children - reading Fifty Shades of Grey. He was with his kids so not a random passerby but still

herethereandeverywhere · 13/01/2018 09:35

I don't think there are any 'normal' places for this sort of carry on are there? Like places we should expect to be harassed or assaulted? I hope not. Anyway, here goes mine:

Age 10 on a walk with my friend in a country park. Perv. blocked the bridge across the ravine by standing there and wanking. Didn't report as friend and I had gone further from home than we were allowed and were scared of getting in to trouble.
As an adult, on the tube, had to stand with mans erection pressed against me for a number of stops (Northern line northbound, ageing short Asian man, he's known for it apparently....)
Age about 20 woke on a friend's sofa after a party to find her brother on my back with his hands down my pants and between my legs.... he later boasted to his friends how he's shagged me... didn't report/do anything about that as it would upset my friend...
In school age 14 or 15 when the IT teacher joked about 'having' me on the computer in the next lesson...

I've omitted the 16 year old date rape experience as that's a slightly different category of awful I think. But anyway, I've been meaning to state my #metoo experiences ever since #metoo came about. I'm 41. These things never leave you.

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