autistic appropriation by trans women

[Autisticappropriation]

NC for obvious scaredy cat reasons. Yes it’s another trans thread. No I’m not articulate or well versed in academic feminism but I do fear for women’s rights and safety.

I’ve noticed with alarming regularity that a large number of recently out trans women are also now calling themselves autistic and that a huge portion of the actually autistic community whether trans or not are becoming highly vocal TRAs.

I am an autistic women, uterus owner, born that way will probably die that way. I feel like I’m being pushed out of all my safe spaces by self identifying trans women who are also now self identifying as autistic. I fought so bloody hard to get a diagnosis and access to the pittance of support that is available for autistic women and now women seeking diagnosis after me may find themselves shunned, silenced or ignored in favour of self identifying autistic trans women. I have concerns on so many levels, not least because of the vulnerability of officially diagnosed actually autistic women and the insurgence and potential influence of highly vocal self diagnosed label collectors.

I’m writing this post because a once quite high profile “disabled” man who bullied me on Twitter and set hundreds of his followers onto me trying to doxx me and shut me up has not only in the past few years become a trans woman but also is now claiming to be autistic. They now claim, along with many other trans autistics to be vocal representatives of actually autistic women worldwide and people are listening... but they don’t represent me or my needs or the needs of so many other women formally having or currently seeking diagnosis. We haven’t been listened to for years and when the opportunities start to arise, transwomen are taking them from us. It’s so hard to be taken seriously as a woman seeking diagnosis and only now are diagnosticians recognising the differences in presentation between male and female autistics, I worry about women missing out on diagnosis because trans women present themselves as representatives of autistic women without having the lifetime experience of autistic women.

I was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and medicated as such despite never meeting the diagnostic criteria. Everyone agreed it was the wrong diagnosis but nobody knew what else could be causing my life’s problems and so I was parked there are told to accept it. This is not an uncommon experience for many autistic women diagnosed later in life (ie adulthood beyond teens) but it doesn’t appear to be the pathway to diagnosis for transwomen. If diagnostic practices and hard won victories of women to be recognised as autistic are lost due to men appropriating so many areas of their life, I fear women will return to a life of enforced misdiagnosis and heavy sedating medications. I feel so bloody helpless and I’m scared to speak up in my usual arena (twitter) because autistic appropriation and trans domination essentially silences me. I can’t be the only female, feminist autistic concerned about this.

I don’t think I have a point I just needed to get it off my chest and introduce an area I’ve not seen being discussed before.

If the world had no expectations for my behaviour, I would never have altered my actions to fit in. I believe I would never have suffered from stress and anxiety to the same levels, and would never have been depressed.

For me the social element of autism is extremely overplayed and misunderstood. The wider understanding of socialising and communication often misses the more subtle element that autistics struggle with. I don’t feel or conform to gender norms as dictated by western society and I pay little heed to supposed to. It would be irrelevant how others reacted to these things because that isn’t what autism is.

For example there is a huge belief that being non verbal means unable to communicate and so many parents fight with us that their kids will never be able to communicate. They just don’t speak their autistic child’s language yet.

Social cues is a hard one because what is considered acceptable and polite in one society can be rude in another and I’ve always wanted to look more into autism presentation in societies with markedly different social norms. But basic social cues such as body language and eye contact, recognising facial expressions, body space and contact etc aren’t really (generally) gender based.

For me the problems are hugely sensory and to do with executive functioning which means many of the domestic things you list above I cannot do. Communication and articulation isnt really an issue for me yet in real life when selective mutism hits you’d never know how articulate I can be.

the feminist ideal of a genderless Society is logical and would have made my life so much easier.

Sorry I didn’t answer that well I tend to wander off on my own wee path

Excellent points! My executive function is appalling. As a woman I am expected to organise the household. I cannot do this. I can’t. It’s beyond me. My neurotypical husband does that’s side of it. We work to our strengths and support each other. I would say we have a completely equal relationship.

Autisticappropriation. Me too!

I would say it's a double burden datun, we not only have to somehow remember all the gendered expectations, but we have to remember all the neurotypical expectations too. Autistic people possibly respond to socialisation differently so we don't absorb and internalise the social rules in the same way, we have to consciously remember and apply all the rules all the time.

But, we are pretty good at reading autistic cues, just as neurotypicals are good at reading neurotypical cues (this has been termed the 'double empathy problem'). I don't think I've ever felt as free as a woman as I do when I'm with my autistic friends.

Darth, beautifully put. I agree completely.

WELL why just be a minority as trans, why not also be autistic? Label collectors - I love that term.

Another instance of TRAs bullying people, and everyone on the bandwagon ignoring it. Glad to see you are still fighting though, op!

Gender rule also jar with my need for things to be fair.

Social rules are all equally stupid and arbitrary. From “eye contact means trustworthy” to “girls wear dresses”. They are all rules just because they are rules. None of them mean anything more.

Wow, thanks.

So there are two things. Cues which are gendered and cues which are just normal social interaction?

So you have to learn that someone with a sad face means they are sad? And what sad face looks like, as opposed to a grumpy face?

You know what sad is, but not necessarily what it looks like?

Also if you can read cues from other autistic people, what are those cues?

Gender rule also jar with my need for things to be fair.

You too. My sense of justice has always bothered me. I didn’t realise the correlation with feminism tho.

*me too

You do have to learn these things, but sad face is easy. Now have sad face, sarcastic intonation, raised eyebrow and followed by a grimace with the words being vague and meaningless. The better I know someone the better I am at it. Good people will be clear at all times.

Just as you can learn other cultural variations, I’ve learned my own culture’s. As though I’m on the outside looking in.

I have wasted my life studying neurotypical interactions

Autistic people tend to be clearer in their words. I know they understand how I work and I don’t have to perform for them. We can stim if needed without fear of judgement. You can state a need without just hoping it will be guessed.

Eyecontact isn’t valued. Social touching is usually only done with consent. All these small things build up

Actually it’s really similar to gendered-micro-aggressions. Communicating with NTs can mean constant micro-aggressions - touch, sound, eye-contact, unclear instructions.

Not exactly Datun, I will never learn to read faces as they're too complicated and I don't have the cognitive ability to do that. I need people to tell me or show me more explicitly.

An example. I was fortunate to spend the weekend with a lovely autistic friend and we encountered a very stressful situation. Neither of us could see that the other was stressed, I was in fact holding back tears, but what was different was that when I told her this she believed me and didn't assume that because I looked relaxed and in control that I was relaxed and in control. It is a seemingly very simple thing but my experience is that if I had been with a neurotypical person they would have assumed I was over-reacting as I looked ok.

Yes, with women often being assumed to exaggerate their pain, and autistic women usually going blank or quiet, there can be a real issue there in getting help too.

Any rule that expects women to behave in a certain way, is a double burden on autistic women.

Yes, indeed, I suffered with a broken bone for a week before I showed enough pain to be believed, by which time I was in agony.

And the hardest thing is that interactions are so exhausting, I only have so much energy to devote to making the world a better place. We need allies. We need our voices to be heard.

Yes, even positive interactions are exhausting, though perhaps not in the same way.

Darth, that’s really interesting. I’ve had a really tough time of it the last few years and attempted suicide by overdose six times. They kept discharging me from services because apparently I presented as fine and not suicidal. I was screaming on the inside but spoke to all the professionals as though I had my shit together. Even when I said I was going to try again they figuratively patted me on the head and sent me on my merry way.

DH says it’s because I’m so good at ‘playing the game’ with other people that it’s become a hard habit to break. I only ever fall apart around him and the kids.

Anachronistic, saw this on Twitter yesterday:-

autnot.wordpress.com/2017/12/06/performing-pain-autism/