I think you are me moreproseccnow.
This was my approx daily schedule when my kids were small
5.30- 7:30. feed baby, get self and kids up, dressed, showered and ready for work / nursery . Service husband
7:30-9:00 drive kids to nursery and commute to work
9-4 work ( no break , just a sandwich at desk )
4-6 commute plus collect kids from nursery
6- 11 childcare, housework , online shopping, preparing and cleaning up from two meals ( kids at 6.30, DH at 8), domestic management and catching up on paid work ( not done because I left at 4 #lazy)
11-5:30 sleep interrupted by baby needing fed, children who can’t sleep and H wanting sex.
This was DH routine.
8-9 leisurely breakfast at home alone
9-7:30 work ( no commute ) , including a long lunch break “ with clients “ going to gym , shopping etc
7:30 - 1:00 Eat dinner , relaxing at home, watch TV, catch up on work
I:00 - 8:00 sleep
So at weekends he would work for about half a day, sleep another half and then relax / do hobby for the rest of the time because he’d had a busy week.
He couldn’t be expected to do any housework or childcare because he was Ft and I was PT.
And of course he had to catch up on sleep , his important job was very tiring . Even though he got 8 hours a night and I got about 6 hours broken sleep ( last child didn’t sleep though the night until he was 3 1/2 years ) .
So H worked about 55-60 hours a week. All paid . Very well paid. He worked away a lot, staying in lovely hotels and flying business class. As befits an Important Man with an Important Job.
I worked about 120 hours a week, of which 35 were paid.
Of course I didn’t think of it all as work, I thought of it as being a mother and spending time with my children. But it didnt make me any less exhausted.
But as all we women know, I was The Lucky One, who was able to have it all by having kids and a career.
I was “ lucky” that my employer and my husband “ allowed “ me to work “ part time “.
Of course I didnt get promoted or even given decent work, because I was just PT and on the mummy track.
H of course was a hardworking man, in the office until 7pm or later, and working at weekends and away from home. So he was promoted and earned well.
Of course I felt guilty all the time. Because
My employers were “ doing me a favour “
My colleagues were “ carrying me “
My children were neglected because I was always tired and grumpy
I was a terrible friend because I had no time for anyone
My career was going nowhere
My house wasn’t kept beautifully
My kids didn’t do loads of extra curricular activities.
I wasn’t making the same financial contribution as my husband
I was always exhausted even though I was “ only part time “ and I couldn’t work out how to do it better.
My husband complained all the time . I didn’t spend time with him in the evenings, watching TV until 1am. He didn’t get enough sex. I didn’t entertain his family enough. I “let myself go” and never went to the gym. I wasn’t the size 8 he married ( I was a 12). I wasn’t as glamourous as the women at work . I wanted to talk to him about the kids when he wated to relax . I wanted him to spend time with the kids at weekends. I wasnt grateful and appreciative enough of his hard work and great sacrifices to support the family.
He never felt guilty. Why would he?
This has made me really REALLY angry just thinking about it.