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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking is open for business

999 replies

PricklyBall · 16/10/2017 21:02

I've scrolled back a few pages and I can't even find the last pub thread.

So I've taken the beer towels off the pumps, tapped a new barrel, polished the glasses, fed the goat and applied brasso to the patriarchy busting canon.

Come and join me - all tastes catered for - beer, gin, wine, cocktails, coffee and a nice cup of tea.

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PricklyBall · 16/12/2017 21:52

Quentin, Menthol Flowers Wine Gin

I remember seeing a comment on line by a woman saying "I'm sick of having to show my raped-enough-to-ride card in online discussions". It's a comment that's always stuck with me. It's shit that the world can't see the obvious truth that rape is bad without having to have first person stories - surely it should be obvious to anyone with half an ounce of empathy and one functioning brain cell, but apparently not.

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QuentinSummers · 16/12/2017 22:04

Oh I just get really annoyed with people (mainly men) believing the fiction that anonymity means protecting the poor man accused by a bunny boiler and then not being able to get a job, losing his wife and family due to said bunny boiler and committing suicide alone in a bedsit...
Rather than the reality which is it protects serial sex offenders and paedophiles.
I tell my story because I feel honour bound to, because it really does show what victim anonymity could do. But I hate dragging it up. I like to pretend on a day to day basis that it was years ago and fine now but clearly I'm not Sad

MentholBreeze · 16/12/2017 22:07

"I'm sick of having to show my raped-enough-to-ride card in online discussions"

Prickly - this is it. this is the esssence of' 'I Believe you' - that we don't need it said, because we all know.

It's long enough ago that I don't mind, that I can share without tearing up - but I was a shrinking violet who,despite no outward confidence, was sure of her internal self), more adventurous/less stubborn 18 year olds are going to have much more personally damaging stories. and I don't know what i can do to protect them beyond raise my sons to care.

QuentinSummers · 16/12/2017 22:12

Thank you all, I also feel at home here which is kinda weird when I've never met any of you.
Does anyone else have a mental image of what people look like irl? Wonder how close they are!

Catsrus · 16/12/2017 22:13

Thank you prickly, I'm on home made sloe gin ATM but really, I'm not fussy! At this point anything decent would be wasted on me. Sorry for the delay btw, was distracted from Kirsty and MN by the realisation I was going to run out of dog food next week (fussy puppy) so just put in an online order for her venison and chicken (!)

Yes menthol there is something endearingly puppyish about her enthusiasm for crap isn't there? And it's brain free background watching. I don't really get invested - I do think the wrong jumper won though Blush.

The big decision. Go to the loo & then get another G&T (which involves throwing the cat off my lap and waking the sleeping dogs) or hang on till prickly arrives ..... don't worry about the dogs barking btw, they get upset when perfectly legitimate residents of the House dare to walk down the stairs....

PricklyBall · 16/12/2017 22:18

Well, I have of course just described myself perfectly, clad in black ninja outfit, athletically built... Grin

The pub is definitely a nice place, filled with nice people. I picture a range of inhabitants from Miss Marple (maybe that's the Poirot-esque exploits on another thread) through to vintage Dorothy L Sayers style women in sharply tailored gentlemen's suits. But I don't have any particular images attached to any particular user names. Definitely leather armchairs, a roaring fire, wood panelling, nice standard lamps (possibly with the really lush art deco lampshades I saw in a shop back in the summer which were way beyond my pay grade) casting pools of warm yellow light as we chat in groups of threes or fours, or sit quietly reading, according to taste. And Carrie Fisher is there as a Star-Wars style force ghost.

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QuentinSummers · 16/12/2017 22:27

Ah I love your writing prickly. That sounds like a lovely place.
Gosh the thought of somewhere like that with no men feels very daring...

Catsrus · 16/12/2017 22:28

The pub sounds great - I'd like to have a chat with Carrie Smile.... can we also invite Germaine Greer? DD1 and I heard her speak this year and she was wonderful - I know she'd tell me to pull my socks up and get on with it, it's not too huge to tackle... she's indefatigable....

Oh - and Mary Beard, would love to have a drink and chat with her, along with all the amazing rad fems I follow on Twitter - I know many of them are MNetters Wink

WTAFisthisshit · 16/12/2017 22:28

Can I smoke in here? If not can someone grab me a vodka while I nip outside for 5.

I'll have it neat after reading some of those threads.

QuentinSummers · 16/12/2017 22:33

Germaine is great. I saw her in the summer and she did a very female thing of going "I'm not a biologist so I'm not an expert..." and then dazzling us with her deep knowledge and love of biology. It was very endearing that even a woman with such a feminist sense of themselves has been socialised like that.
Also she was very kind. I would love to talk to her irl.

QuentinSummers · 16/12/2017 22:34

Twitter people I would chat to - Karen Ingala Smith, Glosswitch, Clare Shrugged. Awesome women.

Catsrus · 16/12/2017 23:07

We might have been at the same event Quentin 👍 the TRAs were picketing outside and snared my dd as she arrived, as I extracted her they said "do you know what she's said about trans?" - pretty shocked when I said "yes, and I agree with her". Dd was a GNC pre teen who insisted she was a boy, changed her name etc. Some of her old school friends still call her by the gender neutral name she insisted they call her. I didn't. She eventually realised she could be a GNC woman and is (late 20s) in a LTR with a man. I'm just so horrified at what we would be battling if she'd been born ten years later....

So much for giving myself a break from this.... gives self a good shake

And in the background Kirstie is commenting on the gingerbread house competition - I know who my winner would be.

So who else from twitter would we like to meet.. yes +++ for glosswitch, Helen Saxby, the women behind Mayday for Women and Women's Place, Lily Maynard (would be interesting to share experiences re. Our dds) The SAGES Women, and LadyJustice, the rad fem lawyer.

And the wrong gingerbread house just won...

whitehandledkitchenknife · 17/12/2017 01:18

A lock in you say, Prickly?
Marvellous.

I was so busy glugging the mulled wine, that I completely forgot that we were due to pop around to the neighbours for drinks and nibbles.

Several drinks and nibbles later, I'll just have small nightcap. Brandy will be fine.

Prickly, in my mind, is a small, but indomitable sort, with rolled up sleeves and a 'can do' attitude. Quietly polishing glasses behind the bar and adding just the right 'bon mot' to aid the conversation.

The Blue Stocking is warm and gently lit, with an assortment of seating, from squashy sofas to bar stools, where the world weary can slump.

On the walls is a collection of photographs dedicated to the women who have lit the path that shows us the way: Andrea Dworkin, Germaine Greer, Maya Angelou, Simone de Beauvoir, Margaret Atwood, Marge Piercy, Sheila Jeffries, Frida Kahlo, Georgia O'Keefe, for example. There are spaces for those women yet to rise and take their place amongst the Amazons.

In Virago Corner, there is a collection of works written by women about the female experience, some of whom have been named above. They are free to borrow and read. There is much discussion.

I like The Blue Stocking.

BeyondAssignation · 17/12/2017 09:53

WTAF and white, I'm imagining the pub with an indoor smoking side, with some kind of magical force field so all of the non smokers are safe from the smoke and the smell on their side. Grin

Otherwise I'm sort of half smoking atm and will decide if I'm coming out based on the weather!

WTAFisthisshit · 17/12/2017 09:57

Beyond I am loving your pub!

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 17/12/2017 10:01

Oooo fags. I gave up years ago but will have one here

PricklyBall · 17/12/2017 10:12

Beyond, I was thinking the same thing. Or maybe some futuristic super-efficient air conditioning system. So no-one has to shiver outside in the cold. (Hands round nice warming mulled wine to the smokers who very selflessly went outside for their rollies.)

white, I don't know about indomitable, but I am certainly small Grin.

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Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 10:13

I can't believe the term "gender non conforming" has to be a thing. It didn't need to exist as terminology when I was growing up.

I've finally looked at Matt Damon's comments on #metoo

was he drunk?

CaptainWarbeck · 17/12/2017 11:09

Nyx it seemed to* me like he was whining that it wouldn't be possible to use settlements any more.*

And he thinks that horrible comedian who was exposing himself has probably paid enough for it now?

My head boggles. I just think they sounds like the thoughts of a guilty man trying and failing to say what he thinks is expected.

CaptainWarbeck · 17/12/2017 11:09

Oh God bold fail. Sorry.

ladyballs · 17/12/2017 11:13

Hello, can I join in?

Posts above have reminded me of hearing GG speak. Love her.

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 11:26

hi ladyballs, what can I get you?

I love GG. Never heard her in person though.

Captain - yes, maybe - also the fact he seemed to think Louis CK's behaviour was fine is bizarre. Depressingly I wonder if he has said out loud what many men are thinking i.e. "why CAN'T i just pat a woman's bum". Ugh.

Okay, totally random question for pubgoers. I've read on here that buying a new car quite often is really cheap. We don't own one and only have friend who does but she seems to upgrade car every three years, which is in line with what I read on here about it being really cheap. How is that be possible? We're looking at the practicality of moving to a rural place and no idea what to allocate for car costs, but it's even more confusing what with all the 0% finance etc and the fact that no one seems to keep a car for long?

QuentinSummers · 17/12/2017 12:15

It's rental rather than ownership, you pay the depreciation on the vehicle. At the end of three years you either pay the value of the vehicle and buy it or you give it back (and do the same with a new car).
If you do higher mileage it will be expensive. And you need to be careful about not trashing the car, which puts me off cos my kids are grim

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 13:05

I see, thanks Quentin, that makes much more sense.