The Bluestocking is open for business

[PricklyBall]

I've scrolled back a few pages and I can't even find the last pub thread.

So I've taken the beer towels off the pumps, tapped a new barrel, polished the glasses, fed the goat and applied brasso to the patriarchy busting canon.

Come and join me - all tastes catered for - beer, gin, wine, cocktails, coffee and a nice cup of tea.

A bottle of JD and a straw please.

May I join? I’d love a coffee and have brought croissants to share.

Thank you for the croissants, Iris. I need a sugar boost. Have just had to make a huge decision about DS's schooling, and it's been a hard one. One where there are massively strong arguments both ways, and hugely strong emotions both ways. Ultimately I was guided by DS's wishes, but am now in a complete funk in case (a) this was bad parenting and I should have done the authoritarian "parent knows best" route, and (b) whether I have the strength and energy to make the option I've chosen work (it involves me doing quite a lot of the grunt work to provide the extra educational support for his dyslexia which the school isn't providing).

I'm a single parent so it's all down to me, and I have a job to hold down so we can still eat. It's terrifying to think I'll have to find the energy to do extra reading, maths, and teach him to type... I just want to burst into tears, but of course there's no-one around in real life to cry on, and I have to hold it together for DS.

Big hugs prickly
Cam you get him a tutor? Or can your parents help?
Also can you do it as a trial and tell him it might just not be workable due to your circs so you need to try it and see?
You need to look after yourself too, it's not going to help him in the long run to have a strung out overworked mother

You’re welcome Prickly.
It is so hard being a single parent - especially when making big decisions.Your DS is lucky to have a parent who clearly thinks deeply and considers the options.
The thing to remember is that you are making the best decision you can at this point. You have obviously thought long and hard about it so try and trust yourself. Also, very few decisions are irrevocable and depending on what happens you might be able to rethink.

The other thing is that there are some great, fun programs out there to teach typing. The BBC bitesize website is good for maths and English too: www.bbc.co.uk/education
I do private tuition and find The School Run website really good. Its aimed at Primary, but it might be helpful to review basic concepts and it gives some ideas for activities and games which you could adapt: www.theschoolrun.com

Thanks everyone! My dad in fact offered to pay school fees (smaller class sizes, quieter environment) but DS was adamant he didn't want to go (and it wasn't a knee jerk thing on his part - he could see the good points and had thought-through arguments for the things he wasn't comfortable with). Just feels such a major major thing.

He's not really struggling - it's one of these situations where the dyslexia masks the fact that he's bright and the intelligence lets him compensate for the dyslexia, so on the grand scheme of things his current school see him bobbing around near the middle of the class si are happy with his progress (and have kids with much more severe special needs to put their very limited resources into). So it's up to me to supply the extra input to help him achieve what he's capable of, rather than what he will default to left to bob along without extra encouragement. Very first world problem, I know.

Prickly - we had all sorts of shenanigans with my son (dyspraxic rather than dyslexic, moving schools and countries) - and I was soooo worried (well, you would be, wouldn't you).

It turns out that maths resources are excellent these days, typing similarly - there's games and all sorts, and there's so many options around reading too (I don't know the age of yours, but DS1 loves Captain Underpants which is mixed cartoon strip and text so a lot more accessible than a normal book format). Plus, seeing how concerned I was, how much effort I was putting in, I have to say that DS1 really stepped up (whilst also accepting that there were many things he was just always going to find difficult and have to work harder on - rather than the spiraling and beating himself up that we had before).

Thanks Menthol - that's really reassuring. You saying your son really stepped up is great to hear, because that's the outcome I'm hoping for with my DS. Knowing that he was listened to, but part of that involved listening to me in return and knowing that the condition for staying with his friends was that he puts in the effort (rather than cruising along saying "but I'm dyslexic" - if there's one thing the whole process has done is he now knows that there's an independent, objective measure of the fact that he can do okay if he tries, in the fact that he passed the entrance test for the private school).

I don't know on what planet men ever thought this behaviour was fine....we have to call out the "just a joke" brigade every time I guess?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-42350064

we have to call out the "just a joke" brigade every time I guess?

Absolutely. It’s pretty easy to do it non-confrontationally and just straight faced point out the insult/inappropriateness/that jokes are supposed to be funny. At least when it’s with people you know and are having a conversation with.

I find street harassment a lot more difficult though.

I have just been to the dentist. Which I hate anyway. It is 3 minutes walk around the corner. Somehow I attracted random comments from TWO separate grown men in the street whilst walking back. I’m wearing jeans and a parka, no makeup, scruffy hair, no, I am not looking ‘particularly fine’ (nor do I care what your assessment of how I am looking is, I didn’t ask you and I don’t know you); and no I do not want to come over there and tell you all about it (about what?) especially when you call me mama, I don’t recall giving birth to you so you’re clearly confused on that one. Plus, it’s Thursday afternoon, does no one have jobs or things to do other than hang out on the street, FFS.

I didn’t say anything to either of them. I just kept walking and avoided eye contact. Felt very uncomfortable.

Hi Prickly - your school should be looking at your ds's progress not his attainment. Are they? They have a duty to make sure everyone makes the progress they are capable of.

ugh, Serendipity, I hate that. I always want to yell something rude but then don't want to show that I care. Ugh.

@Prickly, one of the best things that we ever did was to pay for our son to see a specialist dyslexia tutor once a week. It absolutely turned his attitude to school around. We found that he worked better with a tutor than with us.
He achieved 3 As at A Level, got a first in history from Oxford (and won exam prizes every year), gained an MA from a Russell Group university and now has a really interesting, challenging job in central London.

@Serendipity one good thing about getting older is that I am now invisible to certain types of men. I used to imagine that the shouts were just street noise, but it can feel threatening and I wish we could find a way to stop it.

one good thing about getting older is that I am now invisible to certain types of men
^^
This. Actually all men apart from DH am happy to say. Half a guiness for the old yen please. Feeling exhausted so iron will help I hope. BTW regular poster but name changed.

Thanks all. That's a good question to ask them, Certain. I'll try that out on the SENCO in the new year. And a tutor does sound like a good idea, Iris - I'll also look into that.

Being invisible does have its advantages. I also find the "don't give a shit anymore" attitude that comes with age strangely liberating.

Yes see how they set targets. They should be 'X levels of progress from last key stage' and of course if you know that he underachieved in the last key stage due to dyslexia you should challenge the targets they have set.

And on the other thing I think it's easy to slip into berating yourself for not calling out street harassment when the fault - of course - lies with the arses shouting and leering at women.

I think it's easy to slip into berating yourself for not calling out street harassment

True. Wouldn’t it be good if other people in the street challenged them? I mean I step in if I hear racism or other types of abuse, but with the sexual harassment I leave it to the woman herself unless she looks like she needs help i.e. very young, looking upset, in a vulnerable place.

RE calling out men on street harassment, it's not that I feel ought to. It's that I want to say "suck my dick" but they'll probably beat me up or something.

And it's sad because I think "suck my dick" would be a fair enough retort and has a good chance of repulsing them as much as they repulse me.

A big part of me wishes I would have turned around and basically said what I wrote here..... pointing out how unwelcome and entitled their approaches are. But then you know you’ll just get a load of abuse back and it doesn’t seem worth it. It still won’t be their fault for harassing you, it’ll be your fault for not liking it.

(Not actually your fault, but in these men’s eyes)

flops in corner G&T please. Have been taking care of lurgy family.

Is anybody else watching Love, Lies and Records? The Rick character is creeping me out. I think he is supposed to be romantic and passoon are but he comes across more as a creepy stalker to me.

I don't blame any woman who doesn't call creeps out - because you never know when one of them will retaliate by punching you in the face.

Hands G&T to ISay. I've had a lurgified child this week too - bloody exhausting.

ISay, I nearly watched that but in winter I like comfort viewing and this didn't seem it. Now I think I've probably missed a good drama which is a shame.

It is shocking how drama still casts creepy behaviour as romantic. Perhaps they'll have this character turn out to be a creep and thereby correct themselves?

Also comfort reading a DC book, Last of the Spirits by Chris Priestley.

Then again, I've also just been reading about the Net Neutrality issue in the US so it's no wonder I need to read something childish and escapist! Such a bizarre world right now.

A good book is a good book regardless of whether it is aimed at children or not. I am rereading Joan Aiken's Dido Twite series and it is brilliant.

ISay, so true! I read some Joan Aiken as a child but not familiar with those.

Gosh, this is so my favourite pub. I've just been socialisng in a real pub. I find this time of year so hard with SAD, I battle to understand what people are saying. Plus a couple of people "forgot" we aren't doing Xmas gifts and another couple looked very put out about no cards and said "well I didn't think it extended to no cards". Even though we told them ages ago.

Next social thing is just me and one friend having dinner on Thursday, so I am looking forward to that. Easier to cope with 1:1!