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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Can Having Genital Preferences for Dating Mean You’re Anti-Trans?

108 replies

secular111 · 12/10/2017 21:25

From Everyday Feminism - though I still reckon the site is a satire site.

everydayfeminism.com/2017/04/cissexist-say-never-date-trans/

Anyway, in summary - basically if you don't date trans folk, you are 'cissexist'.

'So if we look a little deeper into this issue, there’s the possibility of your genital preferences being at least somewhat partially informed by growing up in a cissexist society. There’s also the fact that a preference is different than saying you would never do something.'

OP posts:
AThingWithFeathers · 28/11/2017 18:36

I love the smell of vulvas; upon arousal the smell intensifies and it's such a turn-on.
A natal man will never smell like a natal woman.

Ttbb · 28/11/2017 18:47

If I, a heterosexual woman, would never date a trans man (for lack of a penis and sperm etc) but would co wider dating a transwoman provided that she has functional male reproductive anatomy am I still anti trans or do I just really like penises?

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 18:47

Athingwithfeathers....

Thank you. You have mentioned the unmentionable, which never gets talked about.

Even trans who have had bottom surgery don't get wet, they don't swell up in the same way, they don't smell or taste right.

Sorry to all the straight sisters for whom this is too much info.

SomeDyke · 28/11/2017 18:52

Even trans who have had bottom surgery don't get wet, they don't swell up in the same way, they don't smell or taste right.
Yes, let's face it at best they have the mainstream male version of what a vagina should do -- be a sheath for a penis. So, a hole, that's about it, at best.

Quick wave to all the fellow vagina-fetishists! Fannies are fun, clits are cute! They do such interesting things, feel and smell and taste nice, fun all round! Smile

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 19:03

Wave back to SomeDyke Wink

LangCleg · 28/11/2017 19:08

Oh, honestly. This whole "genital preferences" thing is such nonsense (as some sisters have clearly explained vis a vis lesbian sex above). Sexuality is much more than a genital preference, FGS.

Human beings have sexualities not genderalities.

Most trans people maintain their sexuality post transition. Why on earth they would think other people would suddenly change theirs because A N Other has self-identified, is beyond me.

It's rotten for trans people that coming out means a reduced dating pool as most people are a) heterosexual and b) fairly vanilla in their choice of partners. But that doesn't mean everyone else has to adjust accordingly. Gay men and lesbians have worked with reduced dating pools since forever and they don't go around demanding everyone turn homosexual so they get a better choice of partner.

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 19:15

Ttbb

Where you might fall down is that trans women who are attracted to women identify themselves as lesbians with a cock.

So you could have sex with a woman with a cock and call yourself a lesbian, while basically doing what straight people have been doing since the dinosaurs conked out.

Refusing to date a trans man would render you a transphobe in some circles.

Sorry if this sounds to Alice through the looking glass. The world has gone mad.

Congrats on liking cocks, and I don't mean that sarcastically. Women's sexuality has gone out of the window in the face of this stuff.

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 19:36

LangCleg sexualities not generalities is perfect.

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 19:41

genderalities obvs

OlennasWimple · 28/11/2017 20:02

EF had previously threatened to close down. Despite my best hopes that this stain on the internet would be gone, alas, it is still with us, along with a new "membership program" so that you can access the website without ads...

Dear Beloved Reader, we're going to be real with you. We're asking you to join our membership program so we can become fully financially sustainable (and you get some cool perks too!) With dropping ad rates across the media industry, we're at continuous risk of shutting down. And we don't want you to face Trump and his kind without the unique resources we provide. If everyone reading this only gave $10, we could raise enough money for the entire year in just one day. That's right, with the price of a single lunch out, you can save us. We're an independent feminist media site, led entirely by people of color, and that pays everyone who writes for us. If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us publishing the articles you've come to rely on us for. Thank you!

Don't all rush at once!

pigsknickers · 28/11/2017 20:16

Funnily enough, it was being berated (not me personally, in a general social media way) by a trans man I know about genital preferences that first made me have a bit of another think about trans ideology. Previously I had been a massive trans ally and was totally comfortable with the "born in the wrong body" concept, but I realised that this person was basically calling me a massive bigot for ruling them out as sexual partner. I'm talking about a trans man who has (still, as far as I'm aware) made no physical or hormonal modifications at all, and just looks like a moderately pretty, unfeminine woman. And even if they'd gone the full hog with hormones, surgery, whatever, I still would never have even asked myself if I fancied them, if that makes sense. In the same way that I don't consider whether I fancy women, or men who are far older or younger than me.

The point of all that was that I've often read on here that this sort of pressure only comes from transwomen towards lesbians, and that's not been my experience. In fact I've known a handful of trans men who are quick to get aggressive and shout "transphobia" when their masculinity isn't being confirmed.

SomeDyke · 28/11/2017 20:21

"while basically doing what straight people have been doing since the dinosaurs conked out."
Which seems to suggest yet another hypothesis for the demise of the dinos, they turned gay, hence stopped having baby dinos, whilst the furry little mammals were all staunchly hetero and carried on bonking and breeding as the ash from the meteor impact settled all around them.........Smile
See, could be an alternative/additional theory for the young-earthers, Noah wouldn't let the gay dinos come on the Ark because they refused to come in two-by-two male and female, and instead stayed outside voguing to 'it's raining men'. The dyke-dinos, obviously, got distracted admiring Noahs discarded hand-powered tools (have you seen this adze mate! It's a beaut, what nobhead left it lying out here in the rain!...........).

(Damn, they're out of rainbow triceratops on ebay, thought I'd just found another Xmas prezzie for a moment! I WANT one!)

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/11/2017 20:42

Noah wouldn't let the gay dinos come on the Ark because they refused to come in two-by-two male and female, and instead stayed outside voguing to 'it's raining men'

Grin What a glorious mental image in an otherwise thoroughly depressing thread...

I too used to be a thoroughly warm and fluffy intersectional libfem type until I had a look behind the 'terfs are nasty' curtain and realised that a) germaine greer was the canary for this back in the 70s, writing about April Ashley and b) gaslighting, misogynistic, virtue signalling, groupthinking dystopia is about to become LAW. Since then I've not shut up about it, in a large part thanks to this amazing consciousness-raising community of sisters.

FattyCat · 28/11/2017 20:52

SomeDyke

Crying at the thought of gay dinos vogueing or admiring power tools 😂

Datun · 28/11/2017 20:57

Quick wave to all the fellow vagina-fetishists! Fannies are fun, clits are cute! They do such interesting things, feel and smell and taste nice, fun all round! smile

Frankly, and in the glorious spirit of tmi, I am fairly well acquainted my own particular heterosexual fanjo. And, since it’s attached to me, I agree 100% that the XX part of the entire issue is crucial.

The relationship between and my bits is what makes my bits female.

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/11/2017 21:06

I'm bi - am I a vagina fetishist or not? Am I only a vagina fetishist if I'm currently in the act of having sex with a person who's got one? I feel Excluded which as we all know is Actual Violence Wink

Seriously, in my lifetime I have fancied all sorts of people with all sorts of identities and gender presentations and downstairs configurations and the thing they all had in common was that they weren't entitled, rapey arseholes who demanded I fuck them to make them feel good about themselves. Weird that Hmm

pigsknickers · 28/11/2017 21:24

Good point knit and I didn't mean to imply that someone has to be conventionally masculine or feminine-presenting to be attractive. But shouting "you're a bigot if you don't want to have sex with me" is unlikely to ever get the desired results.

bambambini · 28/11/2017 21:50

It’s the way some Transfolk twist this to how genitals have nothing to do with attraction. A man meets an attractive passing TW - he likes them, likes their personality, finds them hot, gets turned on kissing them - this proves you can be attracted to a transwoman - to gender - not to someones birth sex. To then go off them just because they have a penis or even not have a penis - that where you’re transphobic - have a vagina fetish etc. No thought that a man was only attracted in the first place as they had been tricked into thinking the TW was a biological woman - that that expectation makes all the difference. That they think they can actually push this thinking is just astonishing.

WhoWants2Know · 28/11/2017 21:55

Is there a male equivalent term for TERF? I’ve seen “punch a terf” etc, and I can’t help but think TRAs would be less likely to spout this shit towards a man.

Unfair, really, as plenty of men don’t want to sleep with trans people either.

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/11/2017 22:04

Exactly @pigsknickers - whoever you are, there's nothing less attractive than jumping up and down shouting 'you have to have sex with me or you're a bigot' Grin

MrGHardy · 28/11/2017 22:24

have a vagina fetish

Isn't that exactly what Riley Dennis is blabbering on about? How our cis-centric society has brought up men and lesbians fetishizing vaginas and if they only just really thought about that they would realize it and maybe find out they like cock after all?

All it means is, she is deeply jealous of not having a vagina. You talking about yours hurts her so much, that sorry you can't do it or you are a transphobe.

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/11/2017 22:30

they only just really thought about that they would realize it and maybe find out they like cock after all?

It's just newspeak bollocks isn't it? It makes no sense. If this were true there'd be no straight or bisexual women. But of course people like RD don't really give a shit about women unless they think they can get access to their fannies.

According to Riley Dennis' line of thinking, as a bi person I should be open to having sex with everyone. But of course I'm not because...drumroll...sexual attraction, desire and consent is about more than agreeing to insert part A into part B. Only someone socialised as male could spout such entitled crap.

Crumbs1 · 28/11/2017 22:38

So are genitals now a social construction?
I’m a woman and I like sex with men (well, in truth man in singular).

Other people can do whatever they like in the privacy of their own homes. They can dress as they like. They can pretend to be the opposite sex (or is that gender?) as much as they like. It’s all just silly and I’m not sure reflects real life.

However, women have a right to know whether they are being seduced by a man or another woman. They have a right to say they are heterosexual and don’t recognise anything but birth sex. It’s not discrimination it’s common sense.

FloraFox · 28/11/2017 22:50

Is there a male equivalent term for TERF? I’ve seen “punch a terf” etc, and I can’t help but think TRAs would be less likely to spout this shit towards a man.

Of course they wouldn't - they know men are the source of danger to TIMs, not women. They know straight men don't want to sleep with TIMs. They have to go after the women. I've even seen a tweet saying straight women should ask their partners if they would date a TIM and if the man says no, the woman should leave him! You couldn't make it up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/11/2017 02:58

Sorry to all the straight sisters for whom this is too much info.

Grin

I have been musing today about smell. DH smells male. This stuff is primal and chemical. I'm allowed to prefer that. Because I'm straight I'm allowed to prefer men. And therefore penises (penii?).

But lesbians aren't allowed to prefer vaginae (vaginas? fuck knows). They never were. Men always sexualized and fetishised lesbians. They could 'turn' them. They made porn all about them. They wanted to convert them, sometimes violently. This just seems an extension of that. A way of forcing lesbians to entertain male fantasies.