Worried I'm missing opportunities to 'teach' my 3 DDs feminism

[WomanNoCis]

I say 'teach' but I probably mean leading by example, immersing them in the understanding of feminism. I'm concerned I'm uninformed and therefore missing opportunities or worse providing examples of conforming to patriarchy.
I'm a SAHM with school age DDs. yes I'm 'one of those'. DH earns a good salary but works long hours, and I think he has the short straw. I organise the house, kids, finances etc. So although I don't earn money, I certainly control it - choose mortgage, insurance, savings plans etc. Of course, I'm still financially dependent on DH but doesn't really feel like it.
With this family set up can my DDs be introduced to feminism? How can I do this? Do you chat about the theories with your DCs?

How do you share out jobs around the house? Who does tech, DIY, cuddles when sick, doctor's appointments? Who listens to reading, does the cooking and meal planning? Parents evenings?

Do you get them non-stereotypical toys, and do things like building stuff with them?

I still think the crucial thing is how you and your partner treat each other. It's not always possible for a WOH parent to be as hands on as a SAHP. But if the WOHP acknowledges and respects the work the SAHP does, and makes sure that they could not do what they do without the other one.

I'm glad you think that Bertrand because we are SHIT HOT at that round here

I agree Bertrand.

I saw this the other day and came back to see how the thread had gone, I'm so glad to see that Wunderkind77 was pulled up on that shocking statement.

What an incredibly patronising patriarchal view that women are somehow inferior if they stay at home to bring their children up and that their input has no worth?

It is incredible that that kind of opinion can exist in this day and age, and that it apparently comes from a woman, worse still a woman who views herself as a feminist is breathtaking and saddening.

So, in case you didn't get the message - newflash Wunderkind77 - it is 2017 and that outdated and demeaning opinion that women are somehow 'lesser' beings because they choose (and this is a choice, make no mistake) to parent their children themselves is demeaning and a step back.

As conserveisposhforjam said:

"I'm a bit embarrassed for you and your views about women

Jeez the irony! *"

(and just to clarify that is not an anti working parent statement - I have been both and make the choice that works for me, which at the moment is working but I believe both choices are valid and different things work for different people)

and this is a choice, make no mistake

Whilst it clearly is for many including the OP, it isn't always (I've read threads on here from women who've been pressured into it, sometimes despite being the higher earner and not wanting to, and women pressured not to go back to work when they wanted to) but that's a discussion for another thread - another reason the derailing comment which prompted your post was unhelpful. Also, my parents both work full time but have always "parented" me themselves. Again, though, this thread shouldn't have been about that and it's a shame one poster tried to make it so.

I think the valid point remains that the DDs need the chance to see their mother is more than just 'mum'. As I said earlier up thread, being at home with young children is actually a relatively short part of most women's lives. You did other things before you became a mother and you have a whole long and interesting life ahead of you separate from your maternal role. So don't lose sight of yourself and where you want to go, is the important message for all women. Keeping a strong sense of yourself will enable your children to come see you as a rounded human, fully engaged in the wide world, with skills and opportunities beyond the domestic sphere.

Brilliant post TheLuminaries. My DDs love that we still have my graduation photo up, that I do my volunteer "work", and when I show them the moves I learnt at Clubbercise. It's really just planting those small seeds and allowing them to grow in a mutually supportive and loving home, surrounded by books, mixed toys and positive role models of both sexes.

My DM was a SAHM and although I think most of my views re feminism are common sense and pretty moderate, I still identify as a feminist and engage with women's issues locally.

Whoa! My mum was a SAHM until I was about 11 and it didn't stop her raising me as a feminist. It's a non-issue. I can't even say how she did, but if it's in your belief system I'm sure they'll pick up on it.

Whereas we both work and DH does a fair proportion of childcare and housework but DS still comes out with the odd shocker, e.g. thinks Dad is somehow in charge of the house. When I call him on it it seems he has picked it up off TV programmes. Possibly he's testing out what reactions he gets.

Don't listen to anyone who suggests you can't be a feminist and a SAHM. What rubbish, if you can afford it as a family and it works for everyone involved, do it, makes life much easier for everyone.

Actually, great point KingLouie. My mother was a fairly traditional SAHM throughout our entire childhood. She also managed to raise four feminists. We never felt as though her role was less important than our father's. My father was the 'traditional' breadwinner, but he was also a feminist, by and large. They both, in their own way, taught us about equality and equal thinking.

The idea that a SAHM cannot be a feminist is astoundingly ignorant (that's not aimed at you, OP!!!).

OP, I've said this upthread, but I think you're doing a grand job!

Has wunderfund77 gone?
Can I raise my head above the parapet?
Huge thanks for all your wonderful suggestions, reading ideas and further research for myself. I think I do a lot of the general things suggested but stereotypes definitely creep in. As a family we need to take more notice of the gender stereotypes and inequality. I'm going to keep coming back to your suggestions.
For what it's worth I went back to work when my 2nd DD was 3 months old because it was my dream job - or at least I thought it was at the time. I used to drop the babies at nursery at 8am as the door opened and collect them at 6pm as their doors closed. 5 days a week. For a pittance. I was also studying until 2am. Husband very supportive and would also drop & collect kids. But I had the car for work and he got the train so it made sense for me to do it mostly. I did this for 8 years. Got a PHD and then due to extenuating circumstances had to leave. Have done 'bit' jobs since then but certainly not a career. I didn't have time to wipe my arse back then let alone consider feminism, gender stereotyping etc. So although to wunderfund77 I may have looked like a feminist, trust me I would not have noticed the token female character in Paw Patrol or the ads inbetween.
Again, huge thanks for your suggestions - I've got some reading up to do too as I don't think I'm as aware as I should be!

Loving 'Mighty Girl' - thank you!

As long as you have made that choice and feel empowered it is what works for you.

But choices aren't made in a vacuum - it's an easy choice to make because it's socially acceptable for a woman to not work, even if she's able to, and because men's salaries are higher. It's an easy choice to make but it doesn't really "fight the cause" for feminism - if women keep dropping out of work because of their husband's good salaries and because it's socially acceptable to be a "yummy mummy", then we're never going going to really advance things like women earning higher salaries or being as successful as men in the working world.

Make sure your DH does pull his weight around the house.

Why? She doesn't "pull her weight" outside of the house - isn't the point of having a SAHP, that the SAHP sorts out everything domestic?

Really interesting thoughts namechange678. However, my husband and I had very different jobs so the difference in pay is expected. As a uni lecturer I was paid the same as my male colleagues, and my husband is paid the same as his female colleagues - just happens to be in a role that commands a far greater salary. Whether I work or not would not alter the discrepancy in our earnings. Some roles are higher paid regardless if done by a male or a female. Albeit I know where you're coming from in a general sense.