Giving up makeup

[NoLoveofMine]

I'm not sure if this is worthy of a thread but wasn't sure where else to put it; quite understandable if it's not of too much interest though...

Having been thinking about this since another thread recently I think I'm going to stop using makeup. This shouldn't really be notable or worthy of announcement, but I was considering that it's something almost exclusively done by girls and women and why I feel the need to use it when I go out yet no boys I know would (even though the boys I'm friends with don't conform to acting in a "masculine" manner they'd still not). There are of course many girls and women who love using makeup - some of my friends are like this, they really enjoy the whole process of it and even see it as a topic to discuss with one another sometimes. However, I have no interest in it, don't watch tutorials, don't discuss it other than from this perspective, yet still use it, purely because I feel I "look better" with it on. Why should any woman or girl feel the need to alter her natural face in this way to look better? I should find nothing wrong with myself pre-makeup and see no need for it. Given this, I'm going to try to stop using it - not remarkable admittedly but I've just been thinking a fair bit recently about it and why I use it. I want to feel very happy with how I look without it, after all. At the moment it feels like I "want" to use it, but only because I think I look better afterwards, so feel better about myself when I have before going out for example, but this shouldn't be the case. I think this is different to wearing skirts/dresses which I often do or even hairstyle because this is something which involves altering/masking your natural face. I suppose this also applies to body hair removal; I shave my legs as well and must confess am not sure this is something I'll stop doing when I know my legs will be visible. I'd like it to be, but it's difficult to rid myself of the feeling that this is a desirable look.

Anyway that was quite possibly of little interest to anyone but myself but ah well, I have a lot of free periods on Fridays. I also didn't mean it to sound self-centred, was more because I was just writing down what I was thinking about myself.

I do dye my hair though. Have tried to stop for feminist/cost/time reasons but I hate my natural colour even without the grey. I also shave because I am self conscious about body hair. So......

I don't wear make-up. However, my skin is becoming very sensitive to products and I'm beginning too look old! I don't like it as I'm only 37

I grew up with a mother who never wore a stitch of makeup, hair dye, nail polish, anything. I mean I've literally never seen my mother with mascara or foundation or anything of the sort, so up until I hit adulthood it never really entered my head. and I remember my (now ex) MIL looking aghast and telling me her son liked "pretty girls" and I should learn how to apply makeup. So I went through a heavily made-up phase out of insecurity. I'll still maybe wear mascara when I go on a job interview and I know it all bullshit but it's the world we live in unfortunately.

I stopped wearing it quite a few years ago and my skin has never looked better! I do a ton of sunscreen and I moisturize with simple inexpensive natural stuff but that's it. My pores aren't clogged anymore, my cystic acne went away, my eyelashes have grown without constant trauma from fake lash glue, and I've saved HEAPS of money and time.
I concentrate more on my health from the inside. I'm totally happy with my decision.
Honestly I don't even like the look of the heavy Instagram kardashian makeup, I think it's bizarre that people are trying to change the very shape of their features with drastic contouring

From the OP

it's difficult to rid myself of the feeling that this is a desirable look

Why is it desirable and to whom or who?

What is desirable about sharpie pen eyebrows?

My mum didn't wear make up, apart from for vey rare formal occasions like the odd family wedding here or there. I also didn't have any other close female family members. As a result I didn't see anyone using makeup in my house whilst I was growing up, it just wasn't anything that ever entered my consciousness. My mum also had a practical physical job and was always wearing the appropriate kit for that job, or similar casual clothes when not at work.

Because of this I didn't and don't wear make up, I feel very uncomfortable wearing it on the very rare occasions when I do (big family weddings only). These days I probably wouldn't wear make up even to a very formal wedding or other occasion. It feels very unnatural to me now. I think that if no one blinks an eye at my male DP with no make up on, then it's totally fine for me not to wear make up. I don't use any other beauty products either, apart from shampoo/conditioner, shower gel and deodorant. I sometimes shave my lower legs in the summer if I want to wear cropped trousers. I wish I didn't feel like I have to shave them but I have black body hair and very pale skin. I'm not yet brave enough to deal with the horror from other people if I didn't shave.

It's never stopped me from getting a job or a partner, and no one ever comments on it. I'm glad I hardly spend any time, money or mental effort on what I look like, beyond being clean and tidy.

I remember my (now ex) MIL looking aghast and telling me her son liked "pretty girls" and I should learn how to apply makeup. So I went through a heavily made-up phase out of insecurity.

It's this sort of pressure which I think is so difficult to ignore. Even if it's resisted from one source, there's always going to be another and it forces many of us to feel insecure and that we need to apply makeup even if we'd until that point not felt the need and don't want to. It's great you've been able to stop and feel happy about your decision which I'm sure has made you feel brilliant!

Why is it desirable and to whom or who?

Those are the questions I'm wondering about and part of why I started this thread. I feel it's desirable for me but I'm well aware there's a huge impact of societal expectations and a culture which has bombarded me with images of what women and girls should look like and what's expected in terms of appearance. It's a mix of my wanting to look nice and what I've internalised "looking nice" to be, I suppose.

In terms of a specific look I was talking about makeup generally. I don't do the kind of thing you're talking about and don't spend a great deal of time on makeup, but don't think anything less of any girls or women who do for whatever reason. Many enjoy the process of putting on makeup etc. That's why I was talking about it from the point of view of someone who doesn't, and isn't "interested" in it, and why that means I should stop using it.

It's never stopped me from getting a job or a partner, and no one ever comments on it. I'm glad I hardly spend any time, money or mental effort on what I look like, beyond being clean and tidy.

This is positive to read and what I want to be like. As I said, I don't spend a great deal of time on makeup (though there's nothing wrong with those who do of course), but do use it whenever I go out socially. Since I'll be doing this tonight I plan not to put any makeup at all on when I meet friends in a bit...

I'm also likewise when it comes to shaving legs. I think that'll be a step for later for me.

What a fascinating thread. Thank you. I'm in my forties and have always been what used to be called a tomboy and I suppose is now nonbiary.

I bloody love the acceptance of nonbinary that we are getting now, for the first time in my life I'm getting close to a kind of acceptance of the way I look, noticeably FAR less sideways looks in the street and even the lecturers from well meaning family members are reduced. Though that could be because if been ignoring them for 40 years and it is starting to sink in at last.

I pretty much never wear makeup. I don't do skirts, dresses or heels though I have no issue with anyone of either sex doing so for their own entertainment. I do love to experiment with hair and nail colour, and I'm not immune to adornment, i have a couple of small tattoos and pierced ears. I also have very short hair that I sometimes do myself with clippers.

I worry for my daughter who is quite girly and into makeup, because she isn't making these choices in a vacuum. I want her to be 100% happy and doing it for herself not because of social pressure that an unadorned face or body isn't good enough.

Anyone got any ideas how I can help her with this, without adding equally unacceptable pressure the other way. I want her to feel it's ok to paint her face if she wants, or wear dresses but for herself.

OP, I tried counting to a thousand before I slept in bed thanks for your kind words, most people tell me to just deal with it!

In the same job as "wear concealer, new glam team member" was this incident, which I've whined about before but would like to do so again....

Was waiting for an urgent meeting which could not be held without key senior director who kept calling to say she was stuck in traffic in a cab. Finally I said "where exactly are you" because the client was well pissed off. At that point it emerged she was five minutes away in fast walking terms, but "I didn't bring any other shoes with me and I literally can't walk in these". She wore six inch heels and I know she can barely walk across the bloody office floor on them but honestly, having time wasted because someone can't walk in their own choice of shoes? FFS. It was one of those meetings where we'd all get an immediate task list to do urgently afterwards so we really were wasting time.

Fire
Cross post
Interesting, I'm 41 and I think it's getting worse, not better. I don't feel I see many women dressing as I do, never wear skirts or dresses etc

I'm not nonbinary. I'm not anything other than a woman who doesn't wear make up. I find it irritating that there's this idea now that you somehow have to be non-female for this to be acceptable!

OP, I tried counting to a thousand before I slept in bed

I'm very much hoping this is a reference to my user name Slimthistime

Wholeheartedly agree assassinated

Well, look, I have to say that really no one is wearing makeup for themselves. It doesn't make sense at all as a claim. You can't see your own face! That's ok, you know. But if you're painting something for yourself, you should make sure you can see it. Similarly, when buying art for yourself, don't stick it facing out your window.

Interesting!

Do keep us up to date on how you feel due to your decision to give up on make-up, and how people treat you, and all that!

I never used make-up, so don't have opportunity to try this out, but I think aside from saving money, you might learn some interesting things about the difference between wearing make-up and not wearing make-up.

It looks like a little thing, but it is an act of rebellion, and I cannot wait to see how this will affect your psychological state, and perhaps even personal beauty ideals.

Zoloh "You can't see your own face"

I'm always horrified by my face because I rarely see it

But I do think some people wear makeup for themselves, sure. I have a friend working in fashion and it wouldn't be at all unusual for her to be wearing a fashionable outfit on a work at home day when not expecting visitors.

I do get fashion or make up as art, I just wish it had stayed there. It seems to have crept into "necessary" territory for women in many lines of work. I mean in the 30s a movie star dress might have been admired but teens weren't going to prom etc (I think?) Yes, debutantes were around but a very specific section of society.

It feels like expectations of what a woman should look like, led by commerce, are getting more insidious.

Anyone got any ideas how I can help her with this, without adding equally unacceptable pressure the other way. I want her to feel it's ok to paint her face if she wants, or wear dresses but for herself.

It's a tough one fireblademum. I'd say keep reminding her she looks fantastic whatever and she should never feel pressured to do something and alter her face especially when boys don't have the same pressure. I empathise though as it's something I clearly struggle with myself! Managed to make it out tonight with no makeup though

I always think that wearing it for ourselves is worse somehow. Feeling we have to wear make-up because of what other people think is bad enough. But doing it for ourselves seems to imply that even we can't accept our own face without make-up.

I just remembered....someone posted that she'd gone to work without makeup and her boss kept on about how she must have had a rough night or be hungover etc. She was rightly pissed off and I think she said she was going to stop wearing makeup to work to see what happened.

Thanks Vestal! Friends have been encouraging and it's started an interesting conversation along the lines of this thread (I brought it up myself, not so much to announce it more because I knew they'd be receptive to discussion on the topic).

I read recently on the Reddit page an observation that libfems/sjw make a point of suppressing discussion and analysis.

It's so true, isn't it. Depressingly. What with all the outraged "how dare you JUDGE" plopping on here.

So according to them we are never allowed to interrogate any conventions?

I've never worn make up and i don't actually understand how you find out about it or work your way through the confusing aisles at the chemist.

Conversations like these where even strong feminists say they do it habitually just confuse me. How do you even notice? Things like this make me feel rather spectrummy.

@ALittleBitOfButter you can buy books, magazines, watch videos on YouTube, talk to friends/relatives who use it, experiment for yourself. A lot of women will have learnt from their mothers, older sisters or similar.

I think most women learn how to do make up during puberty, when it is nothing unusual to look exactly like you plastered ten layers of make up on your face.

As an adult, I often feel I am past that age and just will have to deal with not being able to do make up. (It doesn't really affect me in everyday life, but it would be nice to be able to do it, as disguise)