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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Okay men, strip clubs & stay dos

118 replies

Motherknowsbest84 · 09/05/2017 09:50

Okay not sure this is the right place to write this.. But something has really griped me lately..

Why do men use stag dos & boys being boys as an excuse to go to a strip club or have a lap dance.

If under any other circumstances having a naked woman rubbing up against you and getting off on it is cheating. Why would being on your stag do be any different?

People don't seem to understand my morals on this!

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 09/05/2017 16:39

Your relationship is up to you daily but you could point out to him that he has free will, and he can say "This isn't how a man should treat a woman". He could be asking himself (but will most probably avoid it) whether he personally wants this event to happen, or if he just feels under pressure to follow his mates. A fair number of nasty things that you hear about in the news wouldn't have happened if someone had said, "No, this is wrong, I won't go along with it."

MagicalRealist · 09/05/2017 17:59

I'd be tempted to tell the wife.
I mean no offence but if like to know the man I'm marrying has no regard for my dignity.. His mates are basically laughing at her..

This is a big part of it IMO. They're bonding by getting one over on the bride. And to a lesser degree, all the other wives and girlfriends. There's something very hostile underneath it all.

MagicalRealist · 09/05/2017 18:05

I used to be a sex worker and it was very, very common for groups of men to book escorts as a group and do things in the same room as their friends. It always felt as though the motivation was the guys bonding and having stories to reminisce about later rather than any real sexual desires being met.

It's so weird. Women would never ever behave this way.

sashh · 09/05/2017 18:05

I think you may be making the mistake of assuming a majority of men do these things. We don't.

Thank you for mansplaining that to us. Could you tell us which other reasons/excuses are used?

I mean if it isn't stag dos then it must be something.

Or did you mean going tot he clubs?

Well you know the women's Wimbledon tournament? Not all women take part.

Women's football - the same.

Not all men earn more than women, but the majority do, with fewer qualifications and often less experience. The point is women are paid less, it's nto about the men who don't earn more.

Not all men are rapists, but all rapists are men so when discussing rape is it fair to say we are talking about male violence? Male violence directed mainly at women?

Not all cases of breast cancer occur in women, would you like to go for screening?

NoLoveofMine · 09/05/2017 18:48

Most of the other men I know have been to strip clubs either on business

Sorry if this has been covered as I've only read the thread until this point thus far but I think this is as bad as going to one on a stag night. It's a way of keeping women below a certain level at work, excluding women or, if women are invited (I've read they often aren't), putting them in the situation of having to either go along and feel uncomfortable and/or demeaned (potentially) or decline and lose out on progression or success in the workplace.

NoLoveofMine · 09/05/2017 18:53

Sort of kills the feminist argument when I know more woman who have groped male strippers than the other way round though.

No, it really doesn't. Even beyond the many excellent points made by others on this thread, you may have missed that there are strip clubs where women strip for men in every city and plenty of towns in this country and most of the (at least western) world. Men go on stag nights, on business or just for nights out. Must have missed the places women can stroll in round the corner from them to view men doing the same.

Fairybella · 09/05/2017 18:54

My first wedding was binned when he went missing on a stag do and the story unraveled. I've massive issues with stags!

QuentinSummers · 09/05/2017 20:05

dervel great post and I agree Star
(It's on p1 but I've only just rtft)

user1490100007 · 09/05/2017 20:19

Would women do it if they could?

Xenophile · 09/05/2017 22:33

Sashh... You're still fabulous.

HelenaDove · 10/05/2017 01:46

Motherknowsbest My backfired response would be...................................................

And yet its women who have an organ thats PURELY for sexual pleasure alone so surely we should be the ones fucking around.

OlennasWimple · 10/05/2017 01:57

daily - it's Ok to give your DP an ultimatum that if he participates in the sex trade while he is on this stag then he won't be in a relationship with you any longer.

DH knows that this is the biggest of thick red lines for me, and when stags and sports tours have gone in this direction he says no, I'm not being part of this and goes and finds another bar to drink in. He is never the only one to do so either, plenty of other men don't want to watch strippers or "have a dance" (doesn't that sound so innocent?)

TitaniasCloset · 10/05/2017 02:22

User- no I don't think most women would be interested. I have never seen a male stripper and don't want to, but get the impression its more about being rude and having a giggle and has little to do with female sexual desire. I could be wrong though.

GuardianLions · 10/05/2017 07:31

Magical I agree that there is a male-bonding thing going on.

A lot of males I know watched/shared porn together/ or went to peep shows in their teens, with their little euphemisms and nicknames for things which I found weird - but the penny dropped that it is homoerotic for them. They are just using the woman as a 'thing' to allow them to legitimately get turned on by each other without admitting they are actually bisexual. I really wish they would just suck each others cocks or do whatever it is they want to do deep down and leave prostituting women out of it.

BertrandRussell · 10/05/2017 07:40

"I think you may be making the mistake of assuming a majority of men do these things. We don't"

I don't think most men do either. But I am often one of very few voices on threads saying this, being mocked and called naive by the vast majority who seem to regard men going to strip club and using porn as perfectly normal, practically universal male behaviour.

Original poster
Motherknowsbest84 · 10/05/2017 07:48

Bert
Exactly I feel the same
Clearly these men have done a number on these women. Who made that shit up? Oh yeah men!

OP posts:
deydododatdodontdeydo · 10/05/2017 08:16

I cringe when I see women doing the male stripper thing, happily. Like just this weekend gone, a friend posted photos from a "naked waiter" birthday party.
Clearly it's not as widespread as men and female strippers though. They did look to be having a giggle, but they were touching & licking him.
Strip/lap dance shouldn't be a normal thing for a stag or hen do, and I wouldn't go to one which had one, neither would DH (but he doesn't have any friends who would either).

BertrandRussell · 10/05/2017 08:19

And, frankly, anyone who uses the "oh, women are just as bad-you should see them in hen nights" line is either stupid or being disingenuous.

Datun · 10/05/2017 08:22

deydododatdodontdeydo

They lick them? Where do they lick?

Like TitaniasCloset, I thought women went to these things for shits and giggles.

I always thought when women emulate this sort of male behaviour they're not doing it for the same reason.

But I've been told I'm behind the times.

walkinganhouraday · 10/05/2017 08:58

My DH's friend always talks with glee about stag dos and rugby trips and what goes on. I asked him which one of his primary-aged daughters did he hope would become a stripper. Both he and his wife were outraged that I would suggest such a thing! I pointed out that all these girls are someone's little girl.

Conversely, I was on a hen weekend last year and whilst we were in a restaurant the young waiter was harangued all evening by some of the women in our group - intimating what they would do with him "if only they were a few years younger" etc.
I made the point that if we saw an older man behaving like that with a young waitress we'd be horrified and probably say something.
But apparently it's only a bit of fun Hmm

likeababyelephant · 10/05/2017 09:11

deydo
Do you cringe when men hire female strippers on a stag do?

Why do you find it awkward if a woman expresses her sexuality?...oh let me guess. Because men were made to enjoy sex and women aren't

Datun · 10/05/2017 09:15

likeababyelephant

That's interesting. Do you think women at male strip shows are expressing their sexuality?

BertrandRussell · 10/05/2017 09:15

Come back to me with the "Oh, women are just as bad as men" bollocks when there are sleazy strip joints in every town centre where exploited and trafficked men are routinely raped and abused by women on their way home from work........

Original poster
Motherknowsbest84 · 10/05/2017 09:19

Bert exactly that
walking yeah that is something I would have said ..

OP posts:
surferjet · 10/05/2017 09:33

Anyone - Man or woman who enjoys the whole strip club/ lap dance / thing is a sleazy creep. & any woman who happily turns a blind eye to her partner visiting these flea pits is anything but 'cool'