How can I reconnect with feminism?

[Chemicalromance]

Sorry for any mistakes-this is my first thread and I'm using the app

Im in my very early twenties, and I really struggle to connect with the feminist movement. I'm absolutely pro-equality and ensuring the global rights for women, but my experiences have left me feeling uncomfortable about calling myself a "feminist".

When I was at school, women's issues and feminism were never discussed, so my first awareness of the movement came from websites like Tumblr and EverydaySexism. These websites were quite radical, and I struggled to identify with issues such as 'man spreading', 'mansplaining' and the general man-hating subculture that seemed to be present. It felt to me like a group of quite privileged, fortunate western women looking for reasons to complain despite there being so many serious women's issues to deal with around the world, and there was a lot of talk about the western world supporting "rape culture", which I don't believe to be true, so I grew up feeing like feminism wasn't for me.

When I got to university, I attempted to get involved in the feminism society, but found that most of the events/talks centred around 'trans liberation', 'micro aggressions' and trigger warnings/banning topics or events that might be triggering. When an infamous male misogynist was scheduled to have a talk at the university, I was excited at the opportunity it would open for a real debate on gender and equality, but the feminist society held a rally and protest that ended up causing the visit to be cancelled, which I felt was a waste of a good opportunity and probably not a great move in terms of free speech. I eventually left the society when I was openly mocked at an event about future ambitions for saying that I would like to be a young mother. Over time, I completely stopped calling myself a feminist or having anything to do with the feminist movement.

Recently, I've discovered Hannah Witton's youtube channel, and although I don't agree with everything she says, I have found her videos talking about sex, relationships, women's bodies and what it means to be a woman to be really interesting and encouraging. I've been inspired to read more books and interact with more information about feminism and women's issues, and I really want to start reconnecting with my own female identity and feeling proud to be a woman again.

The only problem is that I really don't know where to start. Can anyone recommend some influential women, works or materials that I can look into, or tell me some of the things that make them proud of being a woman and a feminist?

Ooh while we are discussing Twitter can I recommend Sister Outrider? Also Glosswitch and JK Rowling

A fantastic collection, Bertrand!

I think Everyday Feminism would be better named Everyday Misogyny. It is a site which is actively against women.

My apologies for disappearing for so long! I promise I wasn't scared off, actually I've really enjoyed reading the responses you've all given me and I've been doing some personal researching

Honestly, you've opened my eyes to some faults in my opinions. I think I've felt so disillusioned with what I believed feminism to be, that I started to dismiss most small-scale issues to just be "more complaining", and you've all helped me to realise that actually, it's something that I should care about.

It's also interesting to hear the views of older generations of women - I've struggled to associate myself with modern feminism partly because of their stances on trans issues. My own views on the topic don't closely align with those of other, more outspoken feminists of my generation, so I've felt somewhat alienated by that. I find it really interesting to see how much feminism has changed over the years - I might not have the same views as other feminists, but I can still be a feminist, I suppose?

Chemicalromance as a feminist younger than yourself it reassures me to read you don't agree with the stance of many feminists of my/your generation on trans issues. There are some more of us out there...and you certainly can be and are a feminist.

"My own views on the topic don't closely align with those of other, more outspoken feminists of my generation,"
So speak out.

I'd say that the concept of gender itself is anti-feminist.

IMO the feminist view would be that the only differences between women & men are biology & socialisation, & that the concepts of male / female personalities / brains / souls / gender identities / however you like to put it are sexist & limiting.

If someone has body dysphoria severe enough that they feel they need surgery that's another matter, but it doesn't change their biological sex.

I'm also unsure where I "fit". As a teenager I read The Female Eunuch and The Whole Woman amongst others, and they resonated with me and as a mother I found Naomi Stadlen brilliant. I find that amongst my peers the primary feminist concerns are around intersectionality and making sure everything is inclusive and this can sometimes feel a bit like anything can be framed as "but what about this person who is even more oppressed?" I feel awful for saying that because I really genuinely care about people from different backgrounds to me, but I think that women in all walks of life need feminism.

For example I think it's ok to say "women's careers often suffer due to maternity". In my opinion there are lots of issues here: societal expectations around maternity/paternity leave, expectations around going part-time and the subsequent impact on careers, the cost of childcare, the lack of value society places on child-rearing, the judgments from society on women whether they work OR stay at home... I could go on. Those issues really matter to me and I believe they have a huge impact on women and hinder any chance of equality, but I feel like with my more vocally feminist friends (I'm 30 and the only one of my friends to have children btw) they have to cut in to remind me to "check my privilege" in some way as if I'm some kind of myopic princess living in an ivory tower with my trivial concerns whereas they are at the cutting edge of feminism because they use all the right terms.

I believe we need to recognise the difference in biology between the sexes and look for ways to stop those differences from disadvantaging women. I believe that gender should be unimportant but also that "stereotypically male" shouldn't then be the aim of a more neutral society. So whilst ultimately I would like males and females to be able to be whoever they want without gender stereotypes, I do think that for that to happen we need to first raise the status of stereotypically female jobs, hobbies and attributes so that they are on a par with male ones.

Where that leaves me in current feminist thought I don't know!

Apologies in case there is a time lapse effect since I began typing (interrupted by breakfast and school run), and someone has already made this point, but I just felt moved to elaborate on Empress' explanation of Everyday Feminism. It is indeed a site that is very misogynistic, but which masquerades as feminist (hence the name) under the guise of liberal feminism and intersectionality. Worth knowing as it is a site which is likely to pop up quite quickly during a Google search for any number of current feminist issues. Contributors to Everyday Feminism write articles which can lead you to believe that, as a woman of a second wave persuasion, you are ignorant and misled at best and a bigot and a TERF at worst. In my mind, EF are actually dangerous and represent the worst kind of thought-policing, isolation and no-platforming of dissenting views. They are militant and fundamentalist. But somehow manage to speak to millions of achingly conscientious young people whose efforts to compensate for their privilege leads them to accept this stuff. There are also numerous Facebook groups who toe the same line, and it's worth knowing what you're looking at before you get suckered in.

I just wanted to expand on my praise for Naomi Stadlen as I know for some she would be the antithesis of feminism as she writes about the unique role of motherhood. I believe that anyone can be a good parent so I certainly don't have any issue with single parent families, or families with gay parents etc. Nor do I buy into any Madonna complex ideas around women and motherhood. However, as a new mum I found reading Stadlen really powerful as it gave me a sense of validation that when I was "just" sitting at home with a newborn all day, what I was doing was really important. And whilst I think men should be more involved and equal when it comes to childcare than say my grandad's generation were, I still feel a massive amount of respect and kinship for all the women in history and all over the world, who have been through pregnancy, childbirth, raising a small child. I'm genuinely sorry if that offends anyone, and of course I realise there are lots of other types of families, children are adopted, not everyone can have families etc and I have huge respect and empathy for anyone's situation, but as controversial as it may be, I do feel a particular connection to other women who have been through the same experience as me. I wish it was ok to say that!

Why would writing about motherhood be the antithesis of feminism? I'm not an academic feminist at all, but I didn't think that feminism has a dislike of motherhood at all? Maybe I'm mistaken though.

Assassinated - I am tying myself in knots here trying to say what I actually mean! I think for some feminists, celebrating the "unique" role of a mother (she's in favour of mothers being at home with children where possible as well) would be seen as gender essentialist and basically encouraging women to give up paid careers in order to raise children and thus lose financial independence. Not all feminists obviously!

And I really didn't phrase my last post well. I really just didn't want to turn it into a trans thread by saying that I feel a kinship with other biological women.

JoanRamone, actually, it was through Naomi's book, I got into feminism in the first place. And tbh, I have found plenty of support for SAHMing on this board. If you want to read more on the subject, try Vanessa Olorenshaw's Liberating Motherhood.

Great description of EF, Ilmet.

Whoever asked for a summary of everyday feminism. This is the best I can do. It's from their staff page.

Mind you it has improved as I've done this before and they had a few people who identifies as "cis" so either they realised people hate the term and stopped using it or they got rid of them.

Also the founder used to refer to herself as a "boi". That's no longer in the bio (boio?)
everydayfeminism.com/about-ef/about-the-team/

Robin Tran is a Social Media Associate for Everyday Feminism. She is a Vietnamese transgender lesbian comedian and blogger

Shae Collins. In her spare time, she tries her luck with aerial pole dance moves

Alan Pelaez Lopez is a quirky, gender non-conforming, Afro-Indigenous poet from Mexico City

Ray Finch Queer, non-binary, transgender, and chronically ill, (they pronouns)

Riley J. Dennis – polyamorous, atheist, gender non-binary transwoman

Sam Dylan Finch - transman

Josette Souza - latinx female pronouns

Andrew Hernández latinx male pronouns

Caleb Luna "is a fat, brown queer" They pronouns.

Jennifer Loubriel latinx female pronouns.

Jessica Xiao female pronouns.

Jon Greenberg appears to be a white man but they're using him on a feminist page to discuss the opening of racial dialogues.

Justin Hubbell is a genderqueer cartoonistwith they pronouns.

Katherine DM Clover female pronouns, refers to herself as a mother.. can I hope she might actually identify as a human female?

Vanessa Rochelle Lewis is the Senior Editor at Everyday Feminism. She is a queer, lush-bodied, Black, femme performance artist

Melissa A. Fabello – Managing Editor her research focus is on women with anorexia nervosa and the bodied phenomenon of skin hunger

Nikia Poché is a radical, Black, sexually fluid, androgynous, visionary, racial and social justice activist

Maisha Z. Johnson is the Digital Content Associate and Staff Writer of Everyday Feminism. She’s a queer black writer

Marina Watanbe identifies as mixed-race Japanese-American, a bisexual woman of color, a feminist, and a Gryffinclaw.

Ginny Brown is a writer, sexuality educator, and birth worker. Her first decade of adulthood was spent making the journey from “homeschooled conservative Christian” to “queer polyamourous humanist.”

Madeleine Slade is a cartoonist and illustrator living near New York City. As an anxious bisexual non-binary feminist with Tourette’s Syndrome. They pronouns.

K is a Canadian, non-binary, genderqueer, peoplequeer, mentally ill, critical feminist robot they prnouns.

xoài phạm is a Vietnamese femme. They are tender and dangerous. They love mangos. They have places to be and people to scare. Read their articles here.

Ronnie Rene Ritchie they pronouns and an unfortunate nana jumper.

Michón Neal has so many identities, they won’t fit here. Ze writes a mix of scifi, fantasy, erotica, and autobiography called cuil fiction about unique people in unique circumstances, with characters running the gamut of non-monogamous and LGBTQIA+ spectrums. Zir/ze pronouns. Zi has some fucking issues

finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/rape-culture-101/

Rape culture is the myriad ways in which rape is tacitly and overtly abetted and encouraged having saturated every corner of our culture so thoroughly that people can’t easily wrap their heads around what the rape culture actually is.

Chemicalromance, you have demonstrated rape culture in action on this very thread by your dismissing of its existence in the UK.

You might want to think about that.

Now, what's missing? go one I'll give you one guess.

Going back to street harassment - this is a really good blog post from Sian Norris about how 'minor' street harassment isn't that minor at all and how it can change the way you think, the way you act, your self-confidence and how women's worlds become a lot narrower.

On being a woman, on her own, at night

Sweat the small stuff.

Thank You Ferdinands
Wow.
Is that...real? Or satire??
It seems to me like rampant individualism gone haywire, all this identifying as whatever you feel like that seems to be what passes for politics these days. My feminism is definitely more rooted in the actual everyday.

Thinking about what Joan said about motherhood/feminism. I think that when you have babies and toddlers something does kick in that speaks to the maternal being in you, and makes it feel OK when you stay home being all nurturing., Thing is, that does (ime) wear off somewhat, and you look around ten years later and wonder why all the men your age are so much richer than you..
I think the best thing for women is a value placed on the men's parenting, and an expectation that men will take time off, go part-time, clean up vomit etc. Yes, motherhood is a bond between women, and that's lovely, but fatherhood has to be valued too, not in the traditional way, but as a caring role that men prioritise. That would be my ideal anyway (yeah keep dreaming !)

It's real, they just think they're being clever with it. And unless you really pay attention to who is writing for that publication you might not wonder why there's no fucking feminism on their feminist page. It's all men or people who want to be men.

Oh also THIS is EF in a nut shell.

everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/trans-women-reproductive-justice/

Don't they just sound like the actual worst people to be stuck at a party with?

"fatherhood has to be valued too, not in the traditional way, but as a caring role that men prioritise."
Absolutely. The frustrating thing about being a feminist is that in some ways women have done everything they can- men now have to do their bit. And they don't want to. They either don't understand that they have to, don't want to, or think it's up to women to do it. Men could, for example, stop hitting women, stop using prostitutes, stop using porn and start taking on a reasonable share of childcare and housrhold tasks now. Today. 12.31 on April 4, 2017.

Ferdinand's link

I shouldn't laugh at other people's painful delusions but I properly guffawed at this person saying it was possible for a transwoman to get pregnant because their sperm was found to be viable.

No, you dimwit. That person produces sperm amd has male genitalia. There is no way in this world or next that they will be pregnant with that sperm or any other, because they don't have the necessary organs and that is why only women can ever get pregnant. Not men. Not transwomen.

And that is not hate speech, transphobia, or whatever pearl-clutchy faux-indignant nonsense you will come up because you can't bear to hear basic biology.

It is basic biology.