Misgendered trans people doth protest too much

[joystir59]

Just that really- as a short grey haired lesbian I sometimes get called sir. Does it send me screaming abuse at the perpetrator as if they have committed a major crime and I am mortally offended? Nope. Because I know what I am. So its water off a lesbian's back. Trans people scream blue murder because basically they are living a lie and cant stand being reminded of what they really are- men pretending to be women. What do others think?

I've noticed an interesting pattern online recently re misgendering. When women online politely point out the reality of biology they are terf scum, committing violence and driving trans folk to suicide. When men use awful derogatory transphobic language no one says boo. Anyone would think it was just another excuse to abuse women really.

I'm considering experimenting with a male profile on FB to post my usual opinions and see if I get different responses.

joystir

ego

That is a great experiment. Report back.

joy

I am a tall heterosexual with sort greying hair

I get misgendered at first glance as well

Then one look at my delicate features and massive tits and its game over

I am a tall fat woman who rides motorbikes. I was challenged in the ladies loos in a motorway service area when it was a really wet day and I had a large baggy rain suit on. I didn't have a problem with that. I do have a problem with women in the same situation today not feeling able to say 'excuse me but are you in the right toilets'?

I got questioned when i was about to go in the loo

A man said 'thats the ladies mate' and when i turned round to see who he was talking to he said "terribly sorry"

Thats cos i am pretty

It seems very short sighted of some transwomen who put control of their own happiness in the hands of others. If you're a born male and you've decided you prefer wearing clothes more usually worn by women, then surely it's a good idea for your own mental health and happiness to try and not be offended or upset if other people can see that you're actually a biological male? Because, as pps have said, we can tell. Most people don't go around trying to deliberately offend trans people, it's just that they have eyes and they can tell the difference between born men and born women. It just be difficult being trans, but also advisable to develop some resilience and a sense of humour I think.

I understand that it may hurt them. I do think its because people aren't effectively...'falling for it' (not that I think its always an act mind, but this is the only way I could think to put it) and I honestly believe if some of them are quite so distressed by being 'misgendered' they should be ina secure psychiatric ward. I worry for some of the transgender people on twitter if they honestly believe any of what they write. Feeling suicidal as a person in a shop called you 'mate' (which doesn't even mean they 'identify' you as male either ffs) is clearly a symptom of a mental illness...its not 'normal' to react in such a strong way to something like that. 'Literal violence' misgendering someone is such a crock of shit too. I have seen actual violence excused as the victim of the assault had misgendered the attacker previously...so they 'started it'. And so on. World of crazy tbh

Ego I think you are on to something. I am neither grey haired, nor a lesbian, but I am young and androgynous enough that I am semi-frequently mistaken for a young lad, instead of a woman (twice yesterday!)

It almost invariably seems to be men, who don't immediately clock me as a woman until I start speaking. The simple logic seems to be that if you are not obviously a woman at first glance then you must be the "default" human being, who is, of course, male.

I've been called Sir twice, both times by men. The idea that they do it as its the default setting fits in with how it happened.
I've also been called a lesbian, intended as the worst possible insult, for refusing to have sex. I think that supposed to make you change your mind, to prove you're not a lesbian or something I didnt faint, sue or punch anyone.
Its contradictory to invent a new insult, promote Punch a Terf and Cis Stomping and at the same time claim words are literal violence.

AmIEgo Please do that and post the results!

joystir59 totally agree, I do not think it is being kind using the wrong pronouns for someones sex (they are the wrong pronouns as pronouns have always been used for sex not gender). It really is just another way for them to get validation that they are opposite sex. We also know that middle age men who consider themselves women are largely narcissists. Narcissists self esteem depends on everyone else validating the false view of themselves that they wish to project. The question then is should we be forced to validate them out of a misdirected sense of politeness, I do not believe we should.

"It's more like saying to you that there is no such thing as a lesbian, several times in a sentence."

This is just unbelievable talk that only a privileged individual would use, considering that

A) trans ideology is literally telling nonconforming lesbians that they are really men, thus erasing lesbians by transing them.

B) heterosexual men are claiming to be lesbian women, and demanding that lesbians consider them as partners or else they are "transphobic".

C) if a lesbian is in a relationship with Ftt she has to call herself bisexual or pansexual in order to validate her female partners "identity" as a man.

The whole trans ideology and what comes from it erases lesbians.

Witching I really agree.

I was having a blast out on my motorbike the oyher week and decided to stop off for an ice cream. A small child, looked like a girl but i didn't want to assume their gender, looked at me and asked their mum if I was a boy or a girl. I have short hair and was wearing full motrorbike ger at the time. Instantly I felt violently misgendered when this transphobic little bigot said this. I'm going to kill myself now.

As a child I was a tom boy and refused to wear skirts or dresses unless to school where I had no choice. I had short hair and looked like a boy. My mum says I was misgendered to 3 anyway until my hair grew slightly as I was virtually bald up to that time. At 5 I asked for a short cut again. Lots of older people who didn't know me called me son or sonny. I was slightly annoyed as I didn't want to be a boy, but I was proud of my tom boy label which to me at the meant adventurous girl. I wanted to climb, and explore, build dens and it was just easier in trousers. You learn very young to be lady like and not to let your knickers show don't you.

The man in the local sweet shop repeatedly called me son or sonny despite me repeatedly telling him I was a girl. My very girly sister found it hysterical. I moaned to my mum who said well with that haircut and wearing trousers all the time you do look like one. Guess what, I got it, and being an emotionally resilient 5 year old got over it, and never corrected him again. It was his problem not mine.

First flush of hormones changed me into a very feminine looking creature and short hair or not I don't think I could be misgendered today.

Can it be hurtful to be misgendered yes, do you have to let it hurt you, no. If a 5 year old child can cope with it adults can too.

I would be being pushed to transition to male if I was born in these times wouldn't I? Very scary thought.

If someone is hurt by what you say, then that's sad, but it doesn't automatically put them in the right and you in the wrong.

And I'm pretty damn hurt, all the time, by transactivists saying (like Danielle Muscovato did recently, "suck my dick") to people like me, but nobody seems to give a shit about that, and if they ever do, it's only to tell me that it's my fault anyway because I provoked it by being a nasty TERF.

Remind you of anything?

i dont think the transgender community help when they shout so much and try o create new labels to fit there narrative like saying someone is cis gendered ie chose the gender they were born with.
also the whole gender thing (girls liking pink boys blue) has always been a fickle argument, there will always be feminine men and boyish girls but it doesnt mean they are in the wrong gender its just they prefer.
i think its become to silly now though people are saying they are trans or mixed genders because its become 'cool' and in a whole its hurting the real trans people as awhole

Apologies if someone has already posted this

I think that people who have a healthy ego don't need constant recognition and approval from others. This is a reflection of today's narcissistic society.

I was misgendered in boots once. I laughed afterwards and said to my husband that I must be looking a bit rough these days

Meh, these things happen. No need to get into a tizzy about it though.

I grew up in the 80s where men wore makeup and were often 'pretty' and women wore big shoulder pads and were assertive.

I think those attitudes were much better even if the fashion was a bit dodgy

Maybe it's psychological response called a "secondary gain" - you have a significant illness and then you try to control those around you too which gets you lots of attention, I.e. Everyone pretending they believe you are the opposite sex), so therefore genuinely painful and difficult when you lose that control. It's not being manipulative per se, it's a psychological response which means you can avoid dealing with the primary problem.

Being called 'sir' is a bit crap but understandable when someone hears a male voice but sees someone who at first glance looks female.

There's not a lot you can do about it if you don't want to make a scene. Being called 'sir' happens a lot on the phone.

And then there's being called 'he' by your own father when you've made a lot of effort on a night out - and then your DF says that 'he'll have this drink'. Shit happens.

It's something that happens - and not something to get too excited about or make a scene about. Why draw attention to yourself?

YANBU.