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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

BDSM and Feminism?

91 replies

LittleBooInABox · 18/12/2016 19:32

What are your thoughts, can someone be in a BDSM relationship and still be a feminist?

Can a women yield control to her partner, (male or female) in a safe, sane and consensual manor.

Or not?

I'm curious.

OP posts:
almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:23

I didn't ask about what men like.

Spottytop1 · 19/12/2016 20:26

Well you are very rude aren't you!!

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:28

I don't think so. I'm just clarifying.

I'm on a feminist board asking about women's sexual preferences.

BeyondIBringYouGoodTidings · 19/12/2016 20:30

Is this one of those examples of the horrible rude feminists?

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:32

Probably.

Spottytop1 · 19/12/2016 20:34

You were rude.
You also clearly know nothing about BDSM if you think the subs likes are not taken into account or the reasons for certain actions when participating.

Man likes to be humiliated - Dom likes to humiliate him in ways he enjoys - it's about mutual satisfaction & pleasure not just the woman.

Spottytop1 · 19/12/2016 20:35

Not at all... just a rude person

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:37

It may well be about mutual satisfaction, but so far we're only hearing about what the men like.

I'm interested in hearing what dominant women like.

Spottytop1 · 19/12/2016 20:45

No you're not -you're just not listening ... you want to hear it's all about the man and nothing more.

I can see why so many people have negative opinions of this section - waste of time discussing anything you are so blinkered...

SpidersFromMars · 19/12/2016 20:45

I think we cannot help living in a patriarchal society. Our preferences were formed in that context. Like shaving legs, wearing make up, or having long hair, they are personal choices but in a societal and cultural context we cannot ignore.

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:49

I don't think it is all about men; I'm just asking about women's sexual experiences because that it what I want to know about.

BeyondIBringYouGoodTidings · 19/12/2016 20:51

I thought almonds question was quite simple to understand, I don't think it was fishing for any particular answer. That's your bias reading it that way.

DeviTheGaelet · 19/12/2016 20:54
Confused Dear me. It's rum on here today.
Wonderflonium · 19/12/2016 20:55

This feminist blogger wrote some really interesting stuff about what it is like to be a female dominant. bitchyjones.wordpress.com/

It's funny, she's not turned on by cissification or humiliating someone by saying they have a small penis. And I think there's a reason why guys have to go to pro-doms to get this desire catered for.

This is a good post:-
bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2008/08/24/when-mandoms-stalked-the-earth/

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 20:58

Yes, I've read the Bitchy Jones blog before, and I think she does a really good job of explaining those issues.

I also think what she says is applicable to women thinking about their sexual preferences in general, not just female dominants.

Wonderflonium · 19/12/2016 21:15

Me too. I think she makes a lot of good points and crystalised for me what squicks me about the state of male-sub & male-dom culture.

I find it irritating that female desire, even when the woman is supposed to be the one in charge, is seen as incidental. Or, if she gets to get off on anything, it's that she's fulfilled the fantasy of her partner.
I mean, sure, that's nice and everything but what about her fantasies and her interests?

0phelia · 19/12/2016 21:18

almondpudding
A female dom finds it enticing to humiliate a man.
Telling a man he "has a small penis" (even though he may not) is basically a way of saying "your penis does not satisfy me and you're inferior". You need to try harder to pleasure me... or thereabouts. A female dom gets off on knowing her sub will be later on his knees to bring her to orgasm in whichever way she wants.

But seriously, on the bdsm scene the small penis thing is not tremendously prolific. Most have better imaginations!

spottytop1 nailed it when stating mutual satisfaction

I partake lightly in bdsm and the only time I topped was to "train" my new top what to do to me, as his sub, and it resulted in our beautiful bonding.

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 21:19

She deleted all the more personal elements of her blog, which was a shame because she had been able to discuss in that what she did like and finding suitable partners that she'd had that experience with.

I was wondering if things have moved on for dominant women and they are finding appropriate partners more easily now.

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 21:21

A female Dom finds it enjoyable to dominate a man. Humiliation is not the main element.

0phelia · 19/12/2016 22:11

That was in reference to you're "small penis" post. An aspect of humiliation. Obviously humiliating is not the main element the clue is in the word "Dom".
An element of domination can include or omit humiliation by choice.

You are being quite rude, actually!

0phelia · 19/12/2016 22:14

A female dom can get off quite easily any way from topping, if you're unsure. HTH.

scaryclown · 19/12/2016 22:17

Eh?

thinking anything political about positions or acts in bed is weird, but if being forceably unable to lead takes responsibility away and could be quite fun maybe. i would hate it in its fullest sense..but thsts me. i think the finamcial and psychological end of things is potentially highly damaging and odd.and have sat next to an abusive woman and her partner in a pub and she was hinting at bdsm on him..and her motives were nastiness not 'lets try out a kink'

being subservient to sexual pleasure seems ok imo

almondpudding · 19/12/2016 22:23

What do you mean by topping, Ophelia? Do you think of it as being distinct from domination?

And by get off do you mean have an orgasm or a more emotional sense of satisfaction?

Psykhe · 20/12/2016 08:47

Topping and domming can be interchangeable. I've often seen it described as- dominant what you are, topping what you do. It is more the physical side. Service topping; the bottom topping the dominant under their instruction.

Men feature nowhere near my sexual relationships. I am grinning at some of the comments on here about how it centres on men on what they want.

almondpudding · 20/12/2016 09:02

The comments about men are about situations they are in, I think, Psykhe. There seems to be a suggestion much of that is with prostitutes anyway.

I had a debate about topping and dominance with my sister the other day, where she considers them to be the same and I think they are very different.

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