Single parent families, good or bad?

[gaelicgirl100]

Ive recently split from my DH with two young DDs. It's been a long time coming (he's a drinker, EA and recently lost his temper and threw things at me)
I have a thread in relationships if anyone wants the details.

My DH was always insistent that in his experience, children of single parent families always ended up 'messed up' and he didn't want his kids to be like that. Personally, I can't say I've noticed, as long as relations between parents are good and kids interests put first then surely that's better than being brought up in an abusive relationship between parents?

As I get through this break up, I'm getting angrier and angrier and now I'm wondering if this is all just a lie in our patriachal society to keep women in shitty relationships with shitty men??? Am I missing something? It seems really obvious. But I stuck it out and took advice and let myself be treated terribly 'for the kids' because a broken home would be really bad for them. I've just swallowed this as a fact for so long, I'm only now questioning it.

Does anyone have any experience, advice or even reading material that can help me with this?

Prawn

No need to unpick I will help you out!

Making cracks about knowing someone on benefits makes very little sense if, like me, you are on benefits.

You missed the point entirely. The "I have a friend on benefits who " is a cliche, an anecdotal argument that cannot be evidenced. I was implying that you used a second weak cliche argument to back up your first weak cliche argument.

The "nothing to see here" was to infer that I didn't feel it was worth going any further into than that.

A long time ago I wrote this on the joys of single parenthood

Thank you for sharing that askbasil, so much of it is true for me, so much!
I have already shared your article with a friend who is in a chronic shitty relationship but stating for the kids.

I think what I'm pissed off at the most is how happy I am beginning to feel at being away from my H and that I should feel guilty at what I've done to my family. 'you chose to leave'
has already been said to me when I disputed childcare with him. As if it was the wrong choice to leave an abusive relationship? As if he didn't have a choice to start behaving like a decent husband?
But absolutely nothing in my day to day life is different, except in MY house there isn't a smelly, farting man taking up half the couch.
I'm doing the same amount of housework, cooking, childcare, shipping etc. It is not ANY harder than my life as a couple (so far).

Gaelic

Anyone saying the single parent crime ratio is a lie is not worth listening to. I have worked with plenty of troubled teens to see the same trend over and over! 2 parents are better than one...

However, 1 bad parent, 1 abusive parent, or 1 neglective parent negatively effects child development also, so you were 100% correct to leave an abusive relationship.

I can comfortably say that the fact you are feeling guilty, and are aware of the pitfalls of your situation, not to mention your willingness to develop your knowledge on the situation means you will certianly not be just another statistic! You made the right choice, and are currently doing the right thing.

As long as you are conscious of what the child needs, and how to counter the lack of male role model then you will do an amazing job bringing up your children!

gaelic, tune it out. My x expected me to '''choose'' to stay with a selfish, abusive, entitled, domineering, controlling father, just to keep the ''family'' together.

We're a family now without him.

Tune out the bollox, don't get weighed down by statistics. Your own unit and how you're doing is what matters. And statistics are just an overview.