Anyone know of any stats on name changing after marriage?

[anotheronebitthedust]

I'm at the age (28) when facebook suddenly makes the change from photos of nights out to endless wedding albums - but scrolling through it today I suddenly realised that pretty much every single woman close to my age I have as a 'friend' on fb has changed their name after their wedding. Not most, not even almost all - every single one!

Most of these friends are from school/uni/work/travelling so are within 2-3 years of my age, some left school at 16 but majority have at least a degree, lots with masters, post grads, etc. They come from, and now live, all over the UK, so some still in the smallish town I grew up in but many others from all over the place. Several either have previously, or currently do, live abroad. So a fairly wide spectrum of my age group.

It really surprised me. When I was in my late teens I thought it was getting more and more common a) not to marry at all in a ltr and b) not to take the husband's name. However in the last few years it seems like both trends have completely reversed and I wondered if anyone knew of any stats that back up if my personal experience is/isn't reflective of the UK generally.

I'm not necessarily bothered by it - although some of the reasons I had from the friends I asked about it did make me ) I would imagine most of them have made reasoned decisions why they name changed and are happy with it. It just struck me that if it was a true choice, then the likelihood would be that not everybody would happen to make the same choice and that therefore, for whatever reason, perhaps it isn't as much of an actual choice... - I know this is incredibly badly expressed but hope you get the gist of what I mean!

Yy who. Thrre isnt a male equivalent of maiden name!

Eminy and MyWine, not every choice made by a woman is a feminist choice, just as not every choice made by a Green Party member is an environmentally friendly one! It doesn't mean you aren't a feminist (I kept my name but shave my legs and do most of the food shopping).

We got married 10 years ago, and I did change my name. DH was surprised because he didn't think I'd want to, but it was a conscious decision.

He's the only son, I'm low contact with my dad for Reasons, and his surname is much easier to spell. I'm happy with those reasons, but at the same time if we got married today I wouldn't change my name because I've become more feminist over the years and wouldn't feel the need to.

To your question, OP, the number of women keeping their own name is increasing but is still well under 50%.

As for marriage vs not, marriage (or civil partnership) produces a range of legal protections (next of kin, shared IHT band etc) that can be difficult to arrange otherwise. In general, if either partner is cutting back on salaried work to raise children, they'd be well advised to marry for this reason.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29804450

I have a few friends with different professional and personal names - on FB you would see their personal ones.

I double barrelled. DH was, and still is, too afraid of his father's wrath to change his name, but is now thinking of doing it. He's a little fed up having a slightly different to DCs. Another niggle is getting people to to listen when he says "Adora Bell Smith and Mr Smith" (because I RL the "Bell" is along the lines of Thomas, easy to assume it's his first name, ffs)

I changed my name, but no-one has ever asked me why - so it does bother me that people assume I am a non-feminist 'sheep'. I thought it through very carefully.

Both my parents were abusive. My father died when I was a teen. My mother remarried, and changed not only her surname but mine and my sibling's.

When I married in my early 20s, I felt I had the choice of
a) Going back to my birth name and therefore that of my terrifyingly abusive father and horrific family
b) Sticking with the name of my abusive mother and the man she chose to marry
c) Taking on the name of my husband and his family who embraced me with open arms and have never been abusive.

My previous surname and my husband's ended in the same few letters, so double-barrelling would have sounded absolutely ridiculous.

Now I am NC with my mother, and have been for some years after she ramped up her mental and emotional abuse, I am delighted with my choice. Frankly I'd rather forget I was ever a part of my birth family, and just stick with my husband's. It's feels more "me" than anything else, because finally I am allowed to be "me" without fear.

I changed my name to my husbands when we married because I wanted too.

That and my maiden name was Bush: after years of being called Pubes at school I had finally found an escape .

But seriously, I changed it because I wanted to.

it's 'bollocks' that having different surnames necessarily causes complications
As someone who works with families, it makes life a lot simpler when the children and both parents have the same name. It's so much easier to remember who belongs to who. And parents sometimes get irritated when I have to ask them to remind me of the name of their child.
It does cause problems sometimes when parents travel abroad with their children.
Not major problems but it can be less convenient than everyone having the same name.

My DH and I had a long conversation about names before we got married. We discussed the different options. Doubles barrel or combined names were completely out of the question. I'm not a fan of double barrel names at the best of times but with ours, it would have been ridiculous. Combined would have been equally as absurd.
I was going to be changing my name anyway (for different reasons) and it made more sense for just one of us to do that, than it did for both of us to.

Yes, tradition was a factor, but I don't think that in order to create a more equal society, we have to throw away all traditions that are rooted in patriarchy.
I like having my family with all the same name. It's not vital, it doesn't make you less of a family if your names are different, but I like it. There is a sense of belonging from that shared identity.

I also don't care if someone else thinks that makes me a sheep!

I don't think anyone is a sheep.

Some of my older relatives struggled with me not changing my name. Including one, a childless man who married a widow with kids. Said widow kept her first husband's name until she retired (matching her kids) then changed to her second husband's. So she changed away from having the same name as her children at an age where no further kids were possible.

Given his reaction to me, I can only guess his reaction to her not changing!

So whilst lots of people do make an active choice, the majority of the social pressure is to change, I think, and there is probably equivalent or stronger social pressure on men not to change.

We've had issues at airports because of the name difference.

Silver compass I'm sorry for what you went through, and glad you have lovely ILS.

Yes, tradition was a factor, but I don't think that in order to create a more equal society, we have to throw away all traditions that are rooted in patriarchy.

Well we could keep the tradition of famikies all having the same surname (and also maybe invade Iceland and the old Spanish empire and teach them how impossible it is to run a civilisation based on any other kind of naming convention) but we can't have a remotely equal socuety when we maintain5traditions that arw clearly sexist.

While it "makes sense" for women to lose their names halfway through their lives while men get to pass theirs down to the next generation, it is bulkshit to pretend this is a neutral thing.

Of couples I know who have kept their own names, only one has double barrelled the children. The rest have the man's name.

Which is interesting as the actual tradition is to give the woman's name, it's just that usually that was also the man's!

I know, naming children has got more sexist rather than less.

Thank you for the suggestions on what I could have done rather than take on my husband's name.

Leslie:
All take your name
Double barrel
Invent a new surname eg Roberts and Johnson become Robson

Ok all take my name is surely just the same as all taking his name. But we did discuss it, but my name is a total faff and it's a relief now to have a name that is easy when calling the dentist, booking a hotel room etc.
Because... I already had a double barrelled name as my mum didn't want to just take on my dad's name, like lots of people on this thread. Which is great for her and I'm glad she didn't give up her name. But it took away that choice for me didn't it, as I could hardly have a triple barrelled name.
My husband also suggested making a new double barrelled name from his name and one of mine, but that didn't work for me because I didn't want to drop one of them- they were both my name, not just half.

so I dropped them both and took a new name. So think all you like about like about women who go endlessly along with patriarchal norms, lightthelamp (great film!)

We really need to do something about all these girls being given such troublesome and ugly surnames when boys are given perfectly nice surnames.

Ok all take my name is surely just the same as all taking his name.

OK, you already live in a post-patriarchal society where women's names are as important as men's.

For most women thatvis not the case and giving the whole family a woman's name is at all like going along with a sexist tradition that has its roots in women being property rather than people.

Is that directed at me doinitfine?
There was nothing wrong with my surname, I was very fond of it. But it was a total faff. It's nice to have a new one. If that makes me a bad feminist, there we go.

But if it's enough, as a feminist, to double barrel your name rather than insist on keeping your own, what does that mean your daughters will be able to do?

Sorry, x post. For most women thatvis not the case and giving the whole family a woman's name is at all like going along with a sexist tradition that has its roots in women being property rather than people.
You're right but I wasn't considering that when I made my choice. I was thinking of practicalities. But yes, I should have considered that.
Are you married? What did you do with your name?

But if it's enough, as a feminist, to double barrel your name rather than insist on keeping your own, what does that mean your daughters will be able to do?

My daughters???

Just them, hmmm?

One might imagine that all the suggestions given up thread ill be available to our daughters when they drop their ugly faffy names in favour of suoerior mens names name their childre.

Unless you started out with your mother's surname (which she most likely got from her father) how much more feminist is it to keep your father's surname rather than your husband's. All part of the same patriarchy.

What are these problems that happen? I travelled a lot with my son without his father , we never had problems, nor when he was with us or in anything else such as school.

Unless you started out with your mother's surname (which she most likely got from her father) how much more feminist is it to keep your father's surname rather than your husband's.

So in your world women still don't have their own names?

What about men?

It seems more feminist to keep your own father's surname than take your father in law's.

Same patriarchy, but at least your family is as important as your husband's family.

Unless you started out with your mother's surname (which she most likely got from her father) how much more feminist is it to keep your father's surname rather than your husband's. All part of the same patriarchy

Because it's your name , not your father's. No one ever calls a man's name " his father's name"

Because it's daughters that are still in the position of having to make a surname choice! Why are you being sarcastic and pissy about everything I say instead of having a normal conversation. just answer a question instead of making a passive aggressive cross out. I'm sorry I didn't like my own surname enough to keep it. That was my choice.