Rape and shame

[huckleberrry]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

CPS just gave me a very detailed explanation about why they won't charge the man who raped me. Apparently I messaged a friend about it at the time and it doesn't tally up with my video statement to the police. I was really shocked because I recall telling that friend at the time about the details of the rape and she was supporting me, and still had the messages which I haven't reread but assumed would support me to get it to court etc.

Reading their explanation, I was so overwhelmed with shame and self hatred that I must have made a mistake somewhere (I don't think so?) and people must think I'm lying, the police must think I'm either lying or stupid. And everything has come crashing down and can't seem to breathe or think straight, I just wanted to self destruct and harm myself.

I suppose I was just wondering if this is normal, the shame, the agony, not being able to think through it and make sense. Has anyone else ever been through this? Did it ever go away?

Minimalist ion is very common. I did it too and it was used against me at his trial. Sadly the courts don't seem to recognise these patterns of behaviour. Do you have any emails or letters cb messages that may back you up? Did you talk to your doctor about it? Think of anything where there may be a record of his behaviour.

huckleberrry

Can you re-read the messages? Are they only on your friend's phone?

Get the phone and the CPS letter to a solicitor.

Sorry, no practical help over and above what other posters have suggested, but just wanted to chip in and say I believe you You've done the right thing in reporting, and you've been let down, but it's not your fault. Sending you some virtual hugs through the ether, and wishing you happier days to come.

Hi all,

Thank you so much for the support. I do actually have a solicitor already but I was so horrified and ashamed when I got that letter that I couldn't bare to share it with her. I put my big girl pants on yesterday and emailed her a copy. She has replied and is cool calm and collected and made me feel so much better. She has requested disclosure of the messages and a meeting with the person at the CPS who made the decision, and says we can ask for a review once we've seen the messages.

Thank you for supporting me when I felt so awful the other day, it is so overwhelming sometimes that I can't see through it.

Well done huckleberry and good luck. Let us know how you get on

That's really good. Keep us updated on what you decide to do x

Oh Huckleberrry. Big hug for you if you would like one.

I want to echo what all the others have said. You've done a brave thing in reporting this in the first place. And all the blame, shame and guilt belongs on the scumbag's head, not yours. And that nothing, nothing at all that you did do or didn't do makes you responsible for what the scumbag chose to do to you.

I hope that the CPS reconsider. Take good care of yourself.

Has your solicitor been able to set up the meeting?

Hope you are ok.

Well done. You've done so well. When the woman I knew heard the CPS weren't going to prosecute she thought that was the end of the matter. I wish I'd known she could have pressed the matter further.

I know sometimes it feels like fighting a loosing battle to get justice for rape victims but as small gesture I think everyone who has not donated to the go fund me site for ched Evans woman should do so and everyone should spread the word. Just type in go find me in google and then ched in the go fund me page