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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

woman loses residency of son she was raising as daughter

785 replies

BombadierFritz · 21/10/2016 18:38

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3859618/You-caused-son-great-harm-insisting-raising-girl-Boy-seven-sent-live-father-mother-raised-daughter.html

hmmm. ok so its daily mail reporting but I am conflicted
perhaps good if child was being pushed into something he wasnt
but wtf with the boringly stereotypical insistance on the type of toys played with

OP posts:
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6
RiverTam · 29/10/2016 20:27

Is it worth emailing the Charity Comminssion to try to kick start an investigation into Mermaids? I mean, any of us to email.

tubasinthemoonlight · 29/10/2016 20:31

Another ex Mermaids member and other people have been looking at contacting the Charity Commission. I will be in touch with them tomorrow.

RiverTam · 29/10/2016 20:41

That's brilliant. I would be happy to email them but my concerns would be kind of based on a feeling that things need looking into rather than anything concrete.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 29/10/2016 20:49

Tubas as an ex member of mermaids with a child who identifies as trans if I can be of any help at all please PM me.

icyfront · 29/10/2016 21:04

Another person sending Flowers to you, Tubas. Thank goodness that MNHQ zapped that post so quickly. Obviously they had to use the standard deletion message, but "Talk guidelines" doesn't really reflect how horrendous that poster's behaviour was.

Mermaids seem to be doing a heck of a lot of damage-limitation at the moment. Which wouldn't have been necessary if they hadn't caused damage in the first place.

Xenophile · 29/10/2016 21:52

Aimee Challoner is involved with them?

M0stlyHet · 29/10/2016 22:34

Tubas - Flowers from me too. You sound like a deeply caring, thoughtful and supportive parent trying to do the best for your DC in very difficult circumstances for both of you.

I am totally gobsmacked that someone from a charity would come onto a public website with over a million users, and misuse private information gained in the course of their association with that charity (possibly with the collusion of the charity itself, from what people have said) in order to doxx a woman and identify her minor child! What sort of total crazies are these people? Regardless of one's position on transgender issues, that is way, way over the line (and almost certainly a breach of the data protection act, so illegal to boot).

tubasinthemoonlight · 29/10/2016 23:08

Xenophile I think she may have been on there as a teen member when I was with them. There are two discussion boards on Mermaids. One for parents and one for teens. She may have been on the teens board.

AskBasil · 29/10/2016 23:28

Tubas do you want one of us to report them for a breach of data protection?

I can understand if you don't want to pursue this, but if you feel too exhausted to but would like someone else to, I'm sure someone could put their minds to it.

This is an absolutely disgraceful way for any organisation to carry on and would be taken very seriously by the Information Commissioner. They have a form on their website where data breaches can be reported. Accidental breaches have resulted in huge fines for some organisations, I cannot imagine how the Info Commission would regard a deliberate breach.

Oswin · 30/10/2016 01:10

I am gobsmacked that anyone would think that was a good idea.

Doxxing people is horrible but when you are in a position of power it takes a whole new level of dickhead.

MrsJamin · 30/10/2016 08:06

No doubt Mermaids are reading this thread. A message for you: do you think naming and shaming a past parent makes parents want to talk to you and trust you?

tubasinthemoonlight · 30/10/2016 11:57

The sad thing is that as Mermaids have said on Facebook and Twitter they have members who are now scared that their children will be taken from them as a result of the court case reported in the press. Mermaids are worried that their involvement with the family was mentioned in the reports so parents may be deterred from seeking Mermaids' support. But despite all that public concern they attack and name a former parent member who actually gave hours of support and assistance to the running of Mermaids.

Hughj089 · 30/10/2016 12:17

Just to clarify the situation.
Tubas: sorry I slipped up and used your first name. That was wrong of me but I've known you for years and it was a mistake.
Secondly. My opinions are mine alone and I do not represent Mermaids in any way. I speak as a former friend of Tubas and although we did meet through Mermaids we also met many times socially. This is information I was given personally in conversation and indeed was told to many others also and so does not breech any data protection rules (as far as I'm aware personal conversations between friends are not subject to data protection rules). However I can't stand back and see someone with a clear personal grudge spout information that is derogatory and hypocritical without replying.
Thirdly. I do not feel I have not outed anyone. There are many many people with that first name in the country and as such Tuba is not identifiable by that information alone. However I am sorry I used your name.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 30/10/2016 12:23

Nice reply Hugh must have taken mermaids you a while to formulate a response that absolves mermaids of any responsibility at all.

HermioneWeasley · 30/10/2016 12:28

Nice try Hugh. The information commissioner will decide this one.

We see you.

iPost · 30/10/2016 12:30

Tubas: sorry I slipped up and used your first name

Do you also have a nice big bridge you want to sell us ?

Well us... and all the lurking DM journalists.

HermioneWeasley · 30/10/2016 12:30

Also, I see Hugh has not been banned despite appalling behaviour

I'm a long term member and was threatened with banning for calling males "he", but someone who has joined with the express purpose of doxxing a member is allowed to continue posting? WTAF MNHQ?

Felascloak · 30/10/2016 12:32
Hmm
comehomemax · 30/10/2016 12:33

Hugh, the thread is about a specific issue and mermaids refusal to take any responsibility for allowing an adult to put a child at harm. It's not about tubas and its appalling that you referenced their personal situation. You are representing mermaids as you are quoting personal information gained from a fellow user of the resource.

iPost · 30/10/2016 12:33

Hermoine

It took weeks for somebody to be banned for posting my full name on here.

And then not actually banned banned, more of an agreed parting of ways.

HermioneWeasley · 30/10/2016 12:35

Clearly the hypothetical feelings of trans people in the news is much more important that actual members' confidentiality then, because I was threatened with banning within hours of starting a thread about a transman who was shockingly pregnant after engaging in unprotected PIV sex.

LittlePaintBox · 30/10/2016 12:44

I can't stand back and see someone with a clear personal grudge
spout information that is derogatory and hypocritical without replying

Why not? I didn't see your post, but if, as it seems, you could only have made it by revealing information you'd gained by friendship which you knew the other person wouldn't want posting on a public forum, then you should have sat on your hands IMO.

You can see why people are deducing that you have something to do with running the charity in question since you have sprung to its defence so vigorously, and in public, You could have PMed Tubas if you wanted to make yourself known to her and take issue with her posts, it didn't have to be done on the forum.

BeyondReasonablyDoubts · 30/10/2016 12:55

Chinny reckon, eh elsa.

ageingrunner · 30/10/2016 12:57

Mermaids have completely redeemed themselves with this apology Hmm

tubasinthemoonlight · 30/10/2016 12:58

Thank you for the apology Hugh. It is a pity you have put Mermaids in such a bad light through your post on here. Your post today has also given me the chance to respond. I do not hold a grudge against Mermaids. It is a wonderful organisation when it gets things right and was an immense support to me and many others. But Mermaids is not a thing, it is the people who run it. Sometimes they get things wrong. If you were/are a committee member you will know that the concerns I raised were valid and that subsequent events proved them so. Your apology above will never make up for the lack of apology from Mermaids when my concerns were proved correct.

When I heard about that I did not feel exonerated from the accusations that I was a liar. I just felt regret that I left instead of fighting for what I knew to be the right thing.

You are correct that I was not thrown out of Mermaids. I never said I was. There was no need to mention anything about my child's medical history or give personal details about me. Yes I know Mumsnet members won't know who I am but you must know that having private information put on here would be upsetting. I suggest that is why you did it, to get back at me for making valid comments.

You are sorry you used my name but not sorry for what you said. I am quite entitled to change my mind about the advisability of my past actions. Bear in mind that I was vulnerable and open to be persuaded by others who seemed to have more experience than I. Which is the crux of the problem and parents need to be aware that they may be being advised by those with no formal training or qualifications in the advice they are giving. I am not a hypocrite for giving opinions about something which appear contrary to my past actions/beliefs. It is called learning more about a subject, reflecting on and possibly changing those beliefs and thereby forming different opinions.

I also left Mermaids at the time my child protection concerns were disregarded becauseSusie Green was looking to convert Mermaids to charity status in order that they could pay staff with no qualifications, taking funding and donations to support that. I disagreed with that and could not be part of it. On reflection I should have stayed long enough to get that across. But with 3 out of 5 people (who I thought were friends) on the committee totally against me it was too much. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but not really much use axcept to learn from.

I do not wish to engage in any further discussion with you or anybody from Mermaids so don't be surprised if I fail to reply to any further posts by you or anyone else from Mermaids who comes on here.

So I wish Mermaids well and hope that the organisation is still able to support families in the future.