I hope this wasn't a stupid thing to do!

[CaptainWentworth]

I've just impulsively done something which I'm now having a bit of a wibble about.

Had an email round all the regional offices of my firm this morning, from the Regional Chairman, to let us know about some recent promotions to partner. As usual they were both men, and for some reason I was moved to send the following reply (only to him, not everyone!)

Hi X,

Congratulations to Y and Z.

I may be wrong, but (from a glance at the public web pages for each office) I think the new promotions will make 24 male partners in the region to one female. I’d be so pleased if that ratio improved in the future; I’m sure there can’t be such a lack of talented senior women in the firm.

Apologies if that sounds impertinent; I don’t mean to be – it’s just that the discrepancy struck me quite forcibly.

Kind regards,
CaptainWentworth

Have I just made a complete wally of myself/ labelled myself as a troublemaker? I'm a pretty junior minion around these parts so it's not like he will have any idea who I am- but he's prob thinking wtf!

Captain W, please don't worry. Look at the majority of support you have on here.

You didn't name your company.

Captain you can get the thread deleted if you want.

It doesn't matter if the 24:1 ratio isn't correct. The fact is you thought it was. So what was publicly available made it look like that. Which is not a great scenario is it?!

I can totally understand how this affects you when it's this personal. Please don't be put off contributing here. As a couple of pp have said you can always name change (although if you have an attachment to your NN then that can also be daunting!).

And as others have said - you have a lot of mettle just sending that e-mail. If you think the rest of us don't have doubts when we stick our neck out then you are sorely mistaken .

"It's not being naive or idealistic to think women should make up 50% (minimum ) of senior roles and express this thought - it is just basic common sense, isn't it? " Absolutely. We have just been made to believe that we are expecting too much for just asking to have that ratio. You/we are not being unreasonable.

Best of luck .

Stop worrying OP! Your original email was absolutely fine (and that is clearly evidenced by the subsequent polite response you received). In all probability no one is going to work out who you work for, (even if someone did, it would be inconsequential).

On a separate point, in my experience most male-dominated boardrooms are acutely aware of the lack of diversity at senior levels in their organisations. Far from being irritated by an email, I would expect it to chime with the CEO's thinking, because a great many businesses are trying to work out how they improve the situation.

I think boards are usually not the main issue (though there are still plenty of companies with no women or only a token woman.) I think it's more of an issue a bit lower down the tree, where women aren't given opportunities to prove themselves, because that big project goes to a man (who is being judged on his potential, rather than achievementsimply as she is.) Women are held back lower down the tree, not always consciously, and the cumulative effects are that in a lot of companies, they're failing to develop the female pipeline and allowing them to gain relevant experience.

Thank you all so much for the support - feel a bit emotional actually!

I'm projecting all sorts of things into this situation that really have nothing to do with the actual issues I pointed out. I've struggled for years with confidence at work (having joined the workforce relatively late following a PhD- which I only really did because I couldn't imagine myself as competent enough to get an actual job!). I think these days I do a good impression of appearing confident but in reality I feel like a blancmange a lot of the time. I took this job at a larger firm relatively recently in order to 'prove' to myself that I could deal with the extra pressure, but I'm finding it quite difficult. Not the job itself, but my feelings about it, if that makes any sense, and worrying about what colleagues think of me and so on.

I'm on antidepressants at the moment and had about 6 months of physchotherapy too- I think my biggest issues were around recognising and acknowledging my own feelings and what I want. However I'm still finding it difficult to distinguish between what I actually want (to do) and what I feel I should do based on what other people say and want- hence some of my reactions to people on this thread. It's affected/ affecting my marriage too - just feel rather a mess in general.

And I'm not going to name change- was worrying that other people would think I'd done something wrong, but actually I don't think that, so I see no reason to distance myself.

Sorry for the rant- totally OT but perhaps it makes some of things I've said a bit clearer. Doesn't take much to put me in a bad place at the moment, but I'm trying. And I'll keep on trying.

Thanks.

Glad you were able to put some perspective on it

OP - I think you're fabulous. My best tip ever for making it in a big firm is to find a female mentor - a senior manager or director with no line management responsibilities to you who can listen to you and advise you and will (largely) get where you're coming from. Having someone from outside your team/business group can be really helpful in shining a light from a different perspective.

Look up Imposter Syndrome too - a lot of women suffer from it and it holds many of us back.

Finally, big firms are really no different from small firms. The egos are bigger, that's all

Actually, in my experience you DO get to be the big boss by shutting down discussion!

I wrote post that's close to my heart, if you have time to read it :)

davidtofie.wordpress.com/2016/04/12/why-are-we-here-on-earth-grandiloquentconvo/

Captain, glad you're feeling less wobbly now.

You come across as a well-informed, intelligent and articulate woman. I really hope that with the help you're getting you'll be able to see that about yourself soon too.

Imposter syndrome is so common for women, all the truly brilliant women I know have gone through periods of it, the most utterly amazing ones go through it regularly. And yes, I agree, try and find yourself a good female mentor, often large firms will happily set you up with a mentor, because they will see how much potential you have.

Take care

Captain sorry to hear you are a bit wobbly generally. I think lots of us can emphasise with the "putting on a brave face" and being jelly on the inside.

In my career, I sometimes had the feeling of not feeling "old" enough or mature enough for everything I was doing - I know inside deep down that I was certainly competent but at the same time it also seemed amazing that clients valued my advice and I was allowed to make decisions on legal and other important stuff! I would definitely look at the imposter syndrome mentioned by PP.

Again though, I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. You may feel stressed and wobbly but you are recognising it, you have sought help and engaged productively with help. That in itself is a big achievement and should be applauded as such. I hope your period of wobbliness passes soon for you, and believe me it will pass. Have faith in yourself. You're clearly doing a quite wonderful job (and I mean life in general, not employment )

Empathise even. Although emphasise may work
Too!

I've heard about imposter syndrome before, but I always felt like I would be an imposter if I thought I was suffering from it! As in, I really was rubbish rather than only thinking I was...

"I've heard about imposter syndrome before, but I always felt like I would be an imposter if I thought I was suffering from it!"

LOL. Me too.

*CaptainWentworth( how are you doing, you wise, lovely person.