AIBU to see sexism wherever I go

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

My gym: all these massive muscle men don't bother to tidy their massive weights away. This annoys me because I want to use the weight bar but I'd struggle to get their massive weights off it. Instead of thinking that the guys who do this are just inconsiderate twats I've started to seethe about male entitlement. These guys assume anyone using the weight bar will be big massive men like them and therefore don't give a second thought to smaller lighter people ie mostly women who might want to use them.

I think it's sexism and inherent male entitlement but my friends says I am over thinking it and BU.

but you expect them to accommodate you by pulling the weights off and putting them back on again each time they want to use them ?

I'm slightly confused as to where you got the impression I might think that you're a poor hard done by female, FedUp. Could you link the comment I made where I suggested that, because it most certainly wasn't my intention, and I apologise if I did.

Palmer - apologies - it was VelvetCushion that said that, not you. Sorry!

Itllallbefine - are you a gym user because if you were you would know that the etiquette is that you put the weights back after use. This is for health and safety reasons as much as anything else.

You seem to be assuming I'm asking them to do something that is super special girly. I'm not.

I expect them to be decent individuals and obey the rules of the gym by putting the weights back.

Saving themselves one minute at the end of their workout means that I (or DP) has to tidy up for them before we can start our workout.

It's inconsiderate behaviour, disproportionately done by men, and which disproportionately affects the weaker users of the gym (women, elderly, injured or disabled). It's poor behaviour.

I've never seen a tampon anywhere other than by an overflowing bin (even at festivals) btw. And I've seen plenty of threads about DPs who leave their partners to do all the little tidying jobs around the house (teacups, laundry, etc.)

Yes, GTJ, exactly that.

No worries FedUp

to repeat - no one is suggesting that it is anything other than thoughtless, the thread is about whether it is "sexist".

It's sexist because it's mainly men doing it - it is mainly men being thoughtless - that is a sex bias.

These men feel that they don't need to follow the rules and clear up after themselves, whether it's thoughtless, or whether that's because the only thought is that the next person using the equipment will be a man like them, it's sexist behaviour because their socialisation, their entitlement means that they think the rules don't apply to them.

It would be sexist if women who attended the gym were the ones expected to tidy up. The rule should be that everyone should put away the equipment that they used, and clean up after themselves. If people are disrespecting that rule, then you should inform the management so they can do something about it. Anyone leaving equipment around is causing inconvenience to the others following them, no matter what sex they happen to be.

GreenTomatoJam - you are projecting your own feelings onto them, you have no idea whether they feel above the rules, whether they couldn't be bothered, whether they assumed that the next user would be able to move the same weights they did etc. In effect, you are assuming that men are lazy because they are socialised to be like that.

I can well imagine a thread on here about how a man assumed that a woman would need a hand with the equipment and was thus also exhibiting sexism, assuming that a female would not be able to cope etc.

If an action or rule (eg a height restriction for joining the police) systematically impacts more on men than women, then it is indirect sexism.

"I can well imagine a thread on here about how a man assumed that a woman would need a hand with the equipment and was thus also exhibiting sexism, assuming that a female would not be able to cope etc."

Can you really? I can't. You don't, by any chance, live in that country where women tell men they are "sexist pigs" for holding doors open?

Are we back to deep frying babies before dipping them in marmalade?

OK, will you accept that they are ignoring the rules, rather than feeling above them?

Clearly they don't feel bound by them - as they are not following them (every gym I have ever been a member of asks that you put the weights back, and wipe down). The next user is irrelevant.

I'm not assuming that they are lazy necessarily - they may be thoughtless, or arrogant instead - the effect is the same though if you have someone else do the work for you (which is what this is)

And again, this isn't about them assuming that I need help with the weights, this is about them assuming that they don't have to follow the rules and clear up after themselves. The side effect is that other gym users are disproportionately affected.

great argument Bertrand, as usual.

"great argument Bertrand, as usual."

Just speaking to you in a language you understand.

Yy GTJ.

Sounds like pretty poor gym etiquette. I would probably see it as rude and

Oops

Inconsiderate before sexist sprang to mind.

I used to lift weights but only in the women's section of the gym. Everyone was very good at returning their equipment.

I'm not easily intimidated but I wouldn't have felt comfortable in the main free weights section. The weights used were huge.

"but you expect them to accommodate you by pulling the weights off and putting them back on again each time they want to use them ?" No. We expect them to put away the weights after they've finished with them. You know tidy up after themselves.

I'm stunned at the knots people will tie themselves in to ensure men don't have to change their inconsiderate (and in this case, sexist) behaviour.

the only thing that's stunning here is the rank stupidity of defining sexism as "anything a man does that affects a woman", to hell with the fact that a number of men will also be affected by the same laziness.

As i have stated umpteen fecking times, i am not excusing the behaviour, i am saying it is not sexist. The men are being lazy because not putting the weights away means that next time they want to use them, they are as they want them, so they perhaps don't expect anyone to tidy up after them.

Agreed scallops... but a fair few people do tie themselves in knots making sure men never have to take responsibility for anything they do.

Well you are excusing their behaviour. You are saying that they shouldn't be inconvenienced (if you can call tidying away after yourself an inconvenience), even though women (and others) are being inconvenienced because of their behaviour. And that seems reasonable to you.

^ You are saying that they shouldn't be inconvenienced

Where ?

It is quite possible that these men are leaving the weights there out of a sense of entitlement, one that they are probably not even aware they have. Same with the loo seat etc etc.

However, by making it a feminist issue and sayinbg they should remove the weigt for the women who will struggle, then I think you are just making the problem worse.
By looking at it that way, ie something that is very muich men vs women needs, you are just continuing the issue.
Surely, a man could round that has very little strength (eg someone who is older, recoveriung from a surgery etc...) and they would have exactlky the same problme than you.
Thus, even if the issue is steaming from a sense of entitlement, it should be treated as issue with rspect for all people using the gym.