AIBU to see sexism wherever I go

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

My gym: all these massive muscle men don't bother to tidy their massive weights away. This annoys me because I want to use the weight bar but I'd struggle to get their massive weights off it. Instead of thinking that the guys who do this are just inconsiderate twats I've started to seethe about male entitlement. These guys assume anyone using the weight bar will be big massive men like them and therefore don't give a second thought to smaller lighter people ie mostly women who might want to use them.

I think it's sexism and inherent male entitlement but my friends says I am over thinking it and BU.

No the solution is you learn how to deal with the situation, leave feedback for your gym and start to tell people with poor gym habbits to change. Voice your opinion to 3 bar using grunting man

Be more confident in the gym, don't feel akward, you have as much right to be there and swing your kettlebell round till your arms fall off if you want to. Stop perceiving it as a "male" space and start perceiving it as a "shared" place.

I'm unsure if you have children but the same as a toddler, tell him/her to put it away. You can't expect change if you won't raise your voice.

I get and accept you perceive it as a feminist issue that's fair enough, but do something about it then

VelvetCushion-have you considered that it might br you way under- thinking it?

Wow that has read back as a rant but I dint mean it in that way

Well it might be my perception or it might be that you are perceiving it as a non issue when it actually is, of course. Likewise you are perfectly entitled to perceive it as a non issue.

Well, I used the space anyway and he didn't stop me. However I did still feel in the way. But if course that is my perception, haha. One has to wonder where I got my perception from though? Did I just think it up myself?

Anyway getting a bit Alice in Wonderland-ish now

Bert
Nope not at all. I think in this case its men being thoughtless. They are so wrapped up in their weight lifting it doesn't enter their heads.

I think "the gym" has for many a year been seen as a male place. Just look back to the Romans and Greeks, naked men partaking in shared exercise. It's only recently boomed as female fitness interest have risen since the 50's maybe sooner than that, but the corset did most of the work.

Many women are unsure of the gym. Even more the free weights section where large men grunting can be found. It will take time and more interest in female weight lifting and body building before its perceived the same as say a swimming pool, but we're getting there slowly I think.

YANBU Fed. And I think some of the replies on this thread prove that. Plenty of excuses for men. Yes the men are just being thoughtless. Because they feel they don't have to think of anyone else. There's also the pattern of behaviour. Yes a woman left used sanitary protection in a changing room and that's unpleasant but it's also unusual behaviour. It's not happening several times a week or month (one hopes!). The behaviour you're describing does though. And several posters are recognising it (even if they are making excuses for it).

I don't think it's limited to gyms either. I've done other sports with similar levels of "thoughtlessness" by men. We were doing our clubhouse up and even my partner (who is not renowned for noticing sexism) noticed how the women were doing all the work whilst men stood around having the important conversations. This wasn't unusual. And I could come up with litanies of other blatant and more subtle sexist situations.

One would hope.....One would dearly hope, but it's not the case. Some women are absolutely disgusting! Like why leave your tampon on top of the sanitary bin, was it that hard to put it in the bin

How do you expect these men to change their behaviour though if you won't actively challenege it to them directly?

Why didn't you tell the men when you were doing the clubhouse to do something?

I just don't understand the I'll just sit back and moan about it attitude. If I was pissed off about something, I would say something, and correct their poor behaviour regardless of their sex.

YANBU Fed - does it help that DP (who does the socks next to the laundry basket thing, so is no saint) who is over 6' and capable of lifting very heavy weights, also finds it annoying when he has to clear up the weights after someone else - where they've discarded them to the sides, or left them on the bar? Or when they don't wipe down, or when they do that thing where they just hit the stop button on the treadmill going full bore and jump onto the sides.

It's not about that women have to use it after - it's that it's mainly men that do this thing - the sexism is in the person doing the action, not the person affected.

I don't see that reminding men that as they go about their business they must consider women at all times, because we deserve and need them to do that, is going to promote equality ? Isn't going out of your way to do things for someone because of their sex the opposite of equality ?

I honestly think that men just do not think in these situations, but it's not just women who are affected, making this a non sexist issue.

"One would hope.....One would dearly hope, but it's not the case. Some women are absolutely disgusting! Like why leave your tampon on top of the sanitary bin, was it that hard to put it in the bin "

Just wondering- how often have you experienced this?

About 6 or 7 times in the past couple of months, were starting to think it's a individual as the gym staff are monitoring the changing rooms best they can without being obvious. Also now signs have gone up to saybalong the lines of "in the interest of hygiene and respect for all, please dispose of your sanitary products correctly"

It's absolutely filthy behaviour whoever it is.

okay, lateral thinking here, but leaving a used tampon on one of Mr Three Bars weight sets would probably have some impact.........

when I used to go to a women only session in the weights when I was a student men would stand around at the reception desk having a farting contest. direct chemical warfare back in the day

How very odd. I have only seen it about a dozen times in 30 years! You must be particularly unlucky.

But it's not really the point,ins it?

"Why didn't you tell the men when you were doing the clubhouse to do something?" I did. Why did you think I didn't? But that's not the point. Why did those men think it was OK to stand around watching the women do all the work. The problem was not how the women involved reacted, it was the men's attitudes.

I honestly can't remember ever having seen it, Bertrand beyond overflowing bins. (I probably have from the law of averages and all but can't remember).

Ginger - it was only me and this guy in the gym. I hardly think me challenging him on it is going to make me feel any less in the way than I already did.

But as to me sitting back and moaning, well I've not - I've bitched on the FB page for the gym about it, which is slightly easier than me tackling one specific guy about it.

However I think you are completely ignoring social and societal constraints when you are saying it's so easy to challenge this behaviour.

If you are part of a sports club there is a social aspect - you are partly there to meet folk and make friends. It's very hard in that situation to be very challenging about men standing around doing nothing. You can probably get away with the odd sarky comment but it's not a work situation where you can report them to your boss for not pulling their weight.

I actually see much less sexist behaviour in work than I do in other places as it happens.

"I don't see that reminding men that as they go about their business they must consider women at all times, because we deserve and need them to do that, is going to promote equality ?" Apart from the fact that's not what we are saying, consideration for others is a good thing is it not? Why shouldn't men be considerate of our needs? Why don't we deserve their consideration?

"Isn't going out of your way to do things for someone because of their sex the opposite of equality ?" No.

And Ginger - you are very much putting the onus on me and other women to challenge or adapt to the behaviour which is not really the point.

It's about changing attitudes from "I'm the centre of the universe" to "I share this space with other people who have different needs".

Once again, I am moved to wonder why some people are so keen to deny that this sort of thing happens.

Mumsnet is teeming with threads about what could be called "socks beside the laundry basket" behaviour. What do people think is going on there?

To put it another way - asking for special treatment because you are a woman is only going to perpetuate the idea that women are lesser than men, and men must go out their way to accommodate us, i.e. it's extra work for men to accommodate women, can you think of an opposite example where a women has left some piece of equipment in a "female" configuration that renders it unusable by a man ? My experience of this is that it leads to a similar attitude to the way we treat children. We already have the problem that lack of sporting ability in men is described as "girly", asking that men remember to leave the weights in girly mode isn't going to help. I probably don't explain it very well, but reminding men that we are weak and oh so vulnerable whilst at the same time saying that women should be running the world has always seemed contradictory to me. In addition, this is not even a case where "women" need special treatment, it's generally the case that strong people or tall people often don't think that shorter or weaker people will also use the same equipment.

Bertrand - no one is disputing that others are thoughtless and assume that what suits them will suit others, what's in dispute is whether this constitutes sexism i thought ?

It's not leaving the weights in "girly mode" - it's leaving the weights as they should be left after use.

It is universally accepted gym etiquette that you put the weights away after use.

I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm asking men not to ignore the universally established etiquette.

I think it's really cheeky to describe men leaving the weights in a mess as leaving them in "girly mode".

No, it's not girly mode. It's leaving the weights as they are meant to be left.

But putting weights away after you've finished will help everyone at the gym, not just women. It's just that the impact on women or disabled people or less strong men is greater than on the body building types leaving the weights on the bar. We are asking them to leave it in a neutral configuration.

'Sake.

"Girly mode" because I want them to put their weights away, that has really pissed me offs