"too drunk to say no at the time, but with regrets the next day"... don't you mean too drunk to say yes, so therefore rape.
It's possible for someone to murder or rape someone without it being a hate crime. well legally, yes, but that is what we are debating.
Re Being able to produce an erection isn't a sign of consent in that scenario either. I am sure you are not suggesting men are not responsible for what they do with their erection because they are drunk - so what do you mean?
Re I can't put my finger on why it feels harder to think about it as a hate crime, but it does? I think this is because rape is so normalised in our society. The fact some women are raped perpetuates fear amongst other women this is how hate crimes work.
The idea that gay people, trans people, black people etc are all potentially victims of hate crime but women cannot be, unless they fall into these other categories is quite ridiculous, when you think about it! I think one of the reasons that we find it so hard to think of rape as a hate crime is because it is confused with sexual desire, and also because patriarchy has got women turning on each other so much. So we have nice girls and not so nice girls, good women and not so good women and maybe some of us spend some of our time thinking rape and violence happens to other women and it is maybe their fault! I am not saying we say or think this 'out loud' I think we totally internalise that message. We hear it in whispers and it can take years to realise it is a crock of shit, literally years!
This myth was sold to us a lot by the idea of what a woman wears, or where she goes, having bearing on whether or not she is raped or (sorry, I hate typing these words but the perception is still there) 'asking for it'! The idea that an Indian shop keeper or black person in a very white area etc could be 'asking' to be the victim of crime, is ludicrous, so we should firmly stamp on any idea that women are 'responsible' for their treatment at the hands of violent and abusive men, even if they are unfortunate to be trapped in a relationship with such men, IMHO.