Something started me thinking about girls and eating this evening.

[BertrandRussell]

I have a 14 year old boy. As all the received wisdom, and Mumsnet agree, he EATS. Constantly. He is always hungry. He is wiry and fit and strong and does not have an ounce of fat on him. His dad says he remembers how incredibly hungry he was at this age, and how his mother struggled to feed him and his brother on a limited budget. When you mention teenage boys,people smile indulgently and share empty fridge anecdotes. It's just how it is.

But 4 years ago, I had a 14 year old girl. Presumably if it's all abour. teenagers and growing, she was just as hungry? But she didn't eat like her brother does. She had a good appetite, and enjoyed food, but I bet if she had got herself a bowl of cereal an hour after dinner, I would have queried it. I would have pointed out that she had just had dinner, suggested she had an apple or a drink. And nobody ever does the fridge anecdotes about girls.

So what's considered OK and is indulged for boys isn't for girls. Girls are supposed to control their intake. Maybe even put up with being hungry? Is there possibly something here about why girls eat secretly, are more likely to have eating disorders.....? I've just thought of this, so it's. Bit disjointed. Does anyone have any thoughts?

I have a sporty but skinny 11 year old daughter and she had fish pie and veg for tea, cycled to piano lesson and back and came back starving and scoffed loads chocolate cake. Said nothing and I hope this food as fuel and a pleasure continues... Won't be long before someone comes along and says all those carbs and sugar will kill her( and the veg was peas and sweetcorn- very carby!)

Growth-wise, aren't women over the peak, and boys just coming up to it at 14? (I don't think I grew much past that age) - do 12 year old girls have bigger appetites than 12 year old boys maybe? Or is sport already so separated by that age that girls aren't as active?

I only have little ones (who still have 4 breakfasts and 3 dinners some days) - and they seem to be evenly spread between horses and birds eating-wise - judging from comments from others at the school gate/family/childminder

But it's not all about teenagers and growing, men have a higher calorie need than women of the same size...

But my DD eats loads tbh and as she's a healthy weight I don't comment on it anymore than I do my DS.

I think there definitely is an expectation that women think of maintaining weight while eating and men don't...but, that is also partly because they do have a different need for calories as well as societal stuff.

I remember eating constantly as a teenager (Vesta curries as a mid evening snack!) and not putting on weight despite not being sporty. So I think it's about more than just appetite, there's definitely a social pressure that means girls get less praise for eating. My Mum has always commented negatively on the amount of (healthy) food I eat but gives DH far too much to eat (he always has to ask for less).

I've only got LOs (eldest is 7) and we already get comments from Mums of Boys saying 'oh, but your DD1 is tiny, my son eats so much' and I have to point out that actually no, she eats like a horse because she doesn't stay still. So it starts young.

I ate constantly as a teenager and was as skinny as. And that was 14, 15, 16. I was growing fast at that age and also doing sport.

I think you can almost guarantee that any thread on mumsnet about a child who eats a lot will be about a girl. Girls and the amount they eat is definitely noticed more than with boys.

Your OP made me think of

which struck a huge chord with me when J first saw it..

I have 3 boys and I can honestly say they don't eat any more or any less than me and my sisters did growing up, or my 3 nieces do now (also teenagers).

I would also (and have) queried my boys asking for a bowl of cereal an hour after dinner, because 9 times out of 10 it would mean they snacked before dinner so didn't eat it all...thus leaving them hungry an hour later.

If that wasn't the case, it usually meant we didn't have a particularly filling dinner that day.

Either way, they (and we) all went through growth spurts which meant changes in appetite.

Satan - I actually wrote for the first time in ages after reading that video
Link here
https://wannabeadressagediva.wordpress.com/2015/03/04/if-youre-good-ill-get-you-sweets/

Yes, I've noticed the much higher level of indulgence for hungry teenage boys on here. It's not extended to girls anywhere near as often.

Women don't need to eat as much as men do, and this is the same even when they're teenagers.

Girls on average don't need as much food as boys. This is not a sexist or feminist issue. It's just biology.

It's not about actual quantities of food eaten from what I can see in the OP

I grew up in a family where a large appetite in boys was smiled on indulgently, and in girls was viewed as a moral failing

My DD is far more likely than her big brothers to be getting the extra cereal/snacks. So in my house, your scenario doesn't hold true.

And others have said similar.

Is the issue really that some people focus more on what girls eat, whether it's a lot or a little?

Teenage boys eating a lot seems to be a bit machismo associated - almost a source of pride. I find it a bit odd. I have two teenagers, a boy and girl and they do eat a lot - our shopping bills are certainly big! They have done for quite a while and you can certainly spot their growth spurts. I guess dd's appetite will settle down before ds's as her growth spurt was earlier, but right now they are about the same size and do about the same level of activity so they eat similar amounts.

They do eat differently though. dd is much more inclined to cook herself meals or cakes/cookies, whereas ds will eat plain rice and raw pasta.

It starts young. With my DS whose 3.8 I get told he doesn't eat enough for a growing boy, even those he's never been small and was actually a pretty fat baby. With DD whose 2 I get told she eats too much and she's going to grow up to be fat, even those she's always been petite.

My brothers were always encouraged to eat seconds and have big plates full of food, while I was always given smaller amounts and told if I ate too much I'd get fat, even though I did more exercise then the two of them put together, so was constantly hungry.

My brother didn't get "if you get fat at university I'll kill you" from my mother before he started, but I did.

"Girls on average don't need as much food as boys. This is not a sexist or feminist issue. It's just biology."

Is that true in the teenage years? With growing and being incredibly active and so on? Any evidence?

Girls on average don't need as much food as boys. This is not a sexist or feminist issue. It's just biology.

It's not about need, it's about how food is talked about and treated differently with girls and boys.

"I grew up in a family where a large appetite in boys was smiled on indulgently, and in girls was viewed as a moral failing"

It was this I meant- and I do think it's a view generally held in our society- individual anecdote notwithstanding.

NHS guidelines.

Yes, they do have different requirements, even as teenagers.

Yes I certainly don't believe my family was/is unusual

I see it every day in the way women have been socialised to behave around food, with cakes etc being "naughty" and having to express guilt about eating it. Many men tend to have few qualms about going back for seconds or thirds, and no one needs that much cake, so it's not about calorific requirements, it's about what is acceptable public eating behaviour for men and women

So, according to that chart, 14 year old boys need on average less than 300 calories a day more than girls. About a Mars bar's worth.

So it's nothing to do with need, it's about expectations.

I wonder if that's also what leads to some women going a bit off the rails when pregnant - the whole eating for two society indulgence bit (unless of course it's the wrong stuff, or you get too fat - then society will be upset again).

I did feel very free when pregnant (not hungry though, oddly) to be myself, to not worry about clothing/underwear/being presentable (beyond basic decent coverage of course!) - I certainly didn't care about being seen eating a sandwich and a biscuit and going back for seconds.

Ds is heading towards 6 foot 5 inches and is proud of his height and size. He eats huge meals, protein shakes, lots of "healthy" food. He uses the big plates, the pint glasses, cuts bread into doorstops. He takes up lots of room at the table.

Dd is also going to be tall. She hates the idea. She restricts the carbs on her plate, eats cress stalks one by one. Then she bakes cookies (feminine) and scoffs the lot because she is hungry. She hoards sweets and chocolate (feminine?) in her bedroom. She sneaks down in the night for yoghurt like a woman in an advert. She wants to be petit and fine boned but she is going to be built like a woman on a Ukranian collective farming poster from the fifties. She thinks she is fat because her waist is larger than her friends (who are nearly a foot shorter). She hunches, tries to make herself smaller.

Sodding cultural expectations.

I did feel very free when pregnant (not hungry though, oddly) to be myself, to not worry about clothing/underwear/being presentable

Best darn months of my life. Funnily enough, I actually felt my most attractive then too.

I think some women also find that aspect of pregnancy frightening, though- the weight gain and the need to eat. And women's weight has, in the medicalised model of pregnancy , always been strictly controlled.
Isn't it interesting that some people are already saying on this thread "oh, it's not about feminism- girls and boys are just different....."