Feminist Pub XX - may the summer rains wash the patriarchy down the plughole

[NoTechnologicalBreakdown]

Ooh ooh! Do I get to start it?

Wine and cake all round. And a celebratory burst on the patriarchy-blasting cannon!

Old pub here

I fell off the pub. But mine's a today. It is cold, rainy, and I am so bored with everything so I am going to have a little vent in this safe space.

Normally, I am really quite happy with my lot as a SAHM. I like playing with my children, I like watching them play, I like pottering round the house and my cooking is getting better. DH really values what I do and doesn't shirk round the house when he is home. But today, I am feeling tired, bored, and down.

I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I had DS because he is a rubbish sleeper and won't settle for DH (perils of natural term bfing which, again, normally I don't mind) and now that he is teething (DS not DH ), I only got to sleep in one hour intervals.

DD2 is in nursery in the mornings which used to be all right until I realised this means I can't really go anywhere outside the neighbourhood at all because there are only a few hours between collecting her and collecting DD1 from school.

And I'm envious of DH because he gets to talk to more adults uninterrupted than I do. Of course, he is likewise envious of me because I talk to DC more than he does. He's going to our friend's birthday party tonight and I can't go because of DS not settling for anyone but me. Anyway, this friend was DH's before he met me and I want him to maintain that friendship.

I'm just feeling like I'm not much at the moment. Boring housewife with no interests and no topics of conversation except children. But how can you have interests if you have no time to get absorbed in things because one or the other of your DC interrupts?

Sigh. Anyway, am going to be late to collect DD2. Thanks for the space to vent.

I need a drink please (a large red wine if you're buying). After a recent split (less than two weeks) I'm sick to the back teeth of everyone expecting me to fall apart. It's like it's shocking that a 30yo woman might rather be single that in a bad relationship. Even the bloody delivery man today asked "haven't you got a man to do that for you?" when I was putting together my own sodding furniture today!

On the other hand, I did manage to put together a dining table and chairs, a TVs stand and wardrobe, organise the sky tv, apply for single person discount on council tax, buy a new tv, rearrange the living room and babysit my niece for two hours. I kick ass.

I find it hard to reconcile Justine's comments with the mn forums. Even outside of fwr, mn has really helped me see how much women are disadvantaged by society. It seems like pandering to have written it for the FT "yes women don't earn as much as men and that sucks, but no worries, it's not the fault of businesses, it the fault of society and the choices women make".

Amelia, you don't even have children? (I assume because you babysit your niece) And they expect you to be devastated by the end of a relationship?

Why? Getting rid of a bad relationship should make you feel better, not worse.

You're right, we didn't have children. We were engaged and lived together so it is quite a change, but I think that the real problem is that many people didn't realise it was a bad relationship. And lots of the stuff which I'm so glad to be rid of is fairly common (I think) so it's surprising to most people that it bothered me so much.

I do also feel like there's still an expectation (in my social circle at least) that the ultimate goal for women is to get married and have kids. Don't get me wrong, I'd like those things, but only with someone who doesn't constantly put his own needs before mine.

Somehow, some people don't seem able to grasp the concept that the ultimate goal of being in a relationship might be to be happy, not to one day get married for the sake of marriage.

Which is somewhat strange, considering that we are also fed all this stuff about romance by the media. (I grew up expecting that there'd be a prince on a white horse who would make me happier than I was before. Not, you know, some villain who'd make me totally miserable.)

It's so stupid, you should be able to be legitimately single without everyone assuming your brain fell out just because you didn't want to be in a crappy relationship. After seeing and hearing a few awful ones, I'd rather be on my own than with someone who was a git. Life's too short.

I don't like the expectation that you need partners and children to be happy, a lot of people are perfectly happy with their own space and freedom.

Grrr the pub dropped off my active list again!

I don't know if any of you are on Twitter/Facebook and follow Miranda Yardley, but there's been several women doxxed by Dana(dave) Taylor after Taylor said they'd be doxxing people on Mirandas follow/friend list. A couple have also had their employers contacted too. Just thought I'd mention in case any of you have personal info linked to twitter etc.

Don't really think this is worth starting a new thread for, but have any gamers / interested parties seen the new Tomb Raider game? She is DRESSED!! Actually looks like she might be ready for some serious tomb action! I was gobsmacked! Well done whoever made that call, bloody finally!

I've heard mixed reports about the actual game but think will be buying it just to support them (I'm bloody crap at tomb raider, much as I'd like not to be).

Is she dressed on the game's cover, or throughout the whole came? I remain a bit sceptical.

I agree with supporting good media - have been trying to only see movies that pass the Bechdel test for some time now.

Lara is dressed in the actual game, in suitable clothing for the climate etc, I'm not sure if it's constant throughout though. This is the only vid I've seen so far.
I watched this review from Feminist Frequency the other day.

RiseOfTheTombRaider

Clothes! Excellent!

Yes, they're an amazing human invention aren't they, what a wonderful idea that someone running around in dangerous and cold places might need a few extra layers for protection and warmtg. Also that unsung advance in human progress, footwear.

Sad that we're having to congratulate the gaming world for finally noticing what the rest of us noticed a few hundred thousand years ago give or take a few months but what-the-heck... congratulations!

Dropped off the thread!

Women wear clothes? And shoes? And do things? And run? Surely not.

I don't usually post in the pub but I wanted to share something and see if anyone could make it seem better. A woman who works with dp said to him yesterday that "men are just superior to womem at some things, like tech".

This came up because my dp had interviewed a man and a woman for a new web developer role and said he'd like a woman to get it because there aren't many women in tech (none in his company) but unfortunately she wasn't a very good candidate. When the colleague made that comment my dp disagreed and said there are lots of reasons for the gender imbalance; boys and girls get socialised differently for one thing. I don't think he really went on about it too much but I feel happy he stood up for women. I just feel a bit depressed that a woman who I think is about my age (28) thinks that way. I'm pleased my dp doesn't feel that way but surely he as the 38 year old man should be the sexist! (Obviously if he was I wouldn't be with him). I feel really sad and angry that a fairly young woman thinks so badly of her own sex.

Women live in the world too, and that world constantly has messages about how women are rubbish at certain things. She has obviously internalised and believes those things. It's sad, but not unexpected. Sometimes turkeys vote for Christmas.

I know you're right plays, but yes it is sad.

Has anyone been watching I'm a celeb?

Dd got into a chat with dh after the sharing of chores, when Tony Hadley suggested women do the laundry cos they are better at it dd muttered at the telly 'they are not better, they get lumped with it' dh agreed with her and said something like because lots of women do it if they are the stay at home parent, doesn't make them better at it, to which dd said "maybe, but the survey they used for the dingo dollars said that when both are in full time work, over 80% of women do all the chores, so sounds like it doesn't matter if women stay at home or work, they get lumped with it forever" she added that she would never live with anyone who can't use a washing machine because she will not be washing anyone's dirty pants under any circumstances. :)

She went to bed before she heard Eubank say women shouldn't be carrying logs.

Good for your DD Inicked. :) What did your DH say to that?

He didn't say anything. He went very quiet. I think he took dds words personally. Because he agrees with her and doesn't want to her to feel like she's expected to do housework etc because she's the woman, but he's also happily plodded along for years and years benefitting from me doing exactly that, wether i was working full time, or not.

He does loads at the weekends now, the big shop, the laundry, dishes,cooking,vacuuming. I think he's trying to set dd an example but she remembers when it wasn't like this (and sometimes teases him about it).

Woo hoo for your DD!

yep woot for i nicked a daughter

Yay for small INicked.

Just for info Eubank is not a nice man.*

He'll come out with a lot of that shite.

*utter fucking bellend