Feminist Pub XX - may the summer rains wash the patriarchy down the plughole

[NoTechnologicalBreakdown]

Ooh ooh! Do I get to start it?

Wine and cake all round. And a celebratory burst on the patriarchy-blasting cannon!

Old pub here

Congrats to Mrs Justice Cheema-Grubb, who is the first Asian woman to be sworn in as a High Court judge.

For classical music people: This morning on Radio 3 they played a baroque composer who was a woman - Élisabeth-Claude Jacquet de La Guerre www.bbc.co.uk/music/artists/86233265-959c-4537-a2ee-47160c734e18 She was the first woman to have an opera staged.

(Funny, isn't it? They looked to see if you've got a willy before staging your opera...)

Hello again (I need wine - bloody yr11 driving me up the bloody wall). Slight NC due to potential outing on AIBU thread.

I like that music never. Kids in school get my classical music on the speakers every time they ask to listen to ipods so that'll go down a treat!

I've finally managed to get almost everyone to accept that I'd rather be single than in a crappy relationship. Yay! Feeling so proud.

Also, DSis promised to vote in every election every for the rest of her life after seeing suffragettes so I'm also feeling smug after her 'what's the point in feminists' comment two years ago (not that I'm bitter).

OTOH, I'm playing peacemaker at the moment. DBro and his (nuclear) family are not getting on and I really am trying to not get stuck in the middle, but it is hard. DSis (a different one) told him his GF should only be interested in his happiness. She actually thinks that a woman should be happy as long as her man is happy. I really don't know what to do. I want to steal DSis away from her 'D'M and our 'D'F and explain how women have feelings too, but I just don't know how to help her.

My current plan is to keep siblings (4 of us in total) in constant contact cos we're all feminists (the bro is an just an ally) and hoping she'll see the light.

Hello, I'm a first-timer.

I'm feeling entertained at the moment because on Twitter the other night I accused Bruce Jenner of having a brain the size of a pea. The Caitlyn-bot popped up to complain about my choice of words.

Apparently it wanted me to say the Caitlyn had a brain the size of a pea instead so I was happy to oblige.

Caitlin bot? What is one of them?

As far as I can tell, whenever someone mentions Bruce Jenner on Twitter it replies with Caitlyn . Whether Jenner is involved I have no idea.

Amelia There are some links to women composers on that page, i think. I once heard a slightly mad choral piece by a woman but can't remember who it was...

Hello Empress! >

Peas are very nice vegetables and get a bad press. They need better PR or better union. >

Despite being a feminist, I’ve been quite lucky that despite working in I.T. – I’ve not actually encountered much sexism.

However buying a house!!!!!!!!

I don’t know if it’s me just getting wound up for no reason but this has really annoyed me!

Example 1: Found house we liked online, I phoned up and booked viewing – Gave both our names Dr A Fluffy and Mr B Fluffys partner (we’re not married) we looked round house and liked it, so made an offer. Letter came back:

Dear Mr B and A Fluffy’s Partner and Dr Fluffy (So there’s 3 people in our relationship apparently?)

….

I think the system couldn’t cope with a Dr and a Mr…

Example 2: I found the solicitors through my sister (Estate Agent). I phoned them up, spoke to them, gave details our details… got them to email me all the documents…

All of the documents attached were labelled ‘Fluffys partner. Doc’

Okaaaaaaaaay

Example 3: I found the broker through my sister as well, I phoned him up, emailed him, the only details he knew of my partner was his name. We confirmed a meeting with him.. met him… he was really polite to both of us…. Put my partners name first on everything – OK, fine.. 50% chance of that happening, I guess, so didn’t kick off.

Once done, I find out a few days later that my partner has been getting calls from the Brokers assistant and when she can’t get through, rather than phone me, she just left a voicemail and asked him to call her back.

Is it me? Am I getting precious over nothing? It’s just little things that put together, make me really angry, but then I think ‘There are bigger things in the world to get annoyed about’ .. but when I make the effort, sort things out – surely I should be the one being contacted?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Am I getting precious over nothing?

No. Raise hell. Politely if you are so inclined. These things won't change until enough women object.

@Fluffy: I am not an important person in any way, so have not experienced this, but I saw it happen with other people.

Also: Letters to me that say "Mr. Vestal", despite my real life name being obviously female. It tells me that their default letter is addressed to a male.

Those things are all small, but they add up. Your anger is justified. Maybe you decide to aim it at those bigger things and fight them, but that's your choice.

I personally think that we ought to have our priorities straight; reproductive rights, financial equality, etc. are more important, and solving those issues might even solve the other ones (If a female Dr becomes more common, this address problem will hopefully cease to exist), but it is all connected.

I like to compare it to diabetes type II, or metabolic syndrome. Fat people are more resistant to insulin, which causes them to produce more of it to keep blood sugar low, which causes more fat to be stored in cells, which in turn causes them to become even fatter.

People who don't eat unusually much can become fat because of a pre-existing insulin resistance of their cells.

So there's different points where intervention is possible - media mostly say to lose weight, which would remove the visible symptoms, but doesn't get to the root of the problem.

(And it is even more complicated than that. Just like feminism)

Likewise, if we can change the perception of academic title = male that might encourage more girls to try and get one - but one can also directly support girls in achieving higher education.

It would be good to have some research on what works better (for my diabetes example above, I know that low carb diets help), but as long as there is none, I think we should just all do what we can do best.

I agree. Raise hell.

I also had to tell people politely that I'm not Mrs Never, and certainly my husband is not Mr Never, because Never is my name, not his. Usually you have to spell out that you are Dr Never (or Ms Never if the opposite party cannot contemplate a woman having a doctorate) and your husband is Mr NotNever.

It's really difficult. I have no idea why. Or perhaps I do...

Thanks - I appreciate it’s ‘not just me’ … You know when you’re not sure?

I did object when the broker put in Miss… then apologised when I said I wasn’t a Miss and put in Mrs… and then I said I wasn’t one of them either. I’m absolutely fine with Ms / Dr, I just don’t want to state my relationship status. He was fine with it, didn’t roll eyes or anything… It was just all 3 things and I was like ‘Hang on a minute’….

I’ve just phoned the Brokers assistant, but she’s not in the office so have left a message to please call me back. I was going to politely ask her to phone me, rather than my partner as he’s mostly in Client meetings throughout the day and I will be able to action things quicker… (90% true, part of me just wants to be the one in control anyway!). I’ll also inquire as to why I haven’t been contacted before if it’s a joint application – ‘is this a process they follow and if so, could it be amended’ type of thing…

I’m mostly a polite person... mostly

Today the postie delivered my menstrual cup. Hadn't heard of them until reading on MN few years ago, the price put me off and because I struggle with Tampons I thought a cup would be uncomfortable too. Since having my implant out my periods have been ridiculous and leaking has been a big problem for me. Decided the cups are worth a try, (lots of choice,I went with ruby cup because they donate one to women in third world countries for every purchase) OMG I'm converted. Had no hassle with insertion,really comfortable, in fact can't even feel it and best of all, absolutely no leakage!

Just had to share how much I love it. I'm going to bore every woman I know :)

I never heard of menstrual cups before MN either. But I love my mooncup.

Fluffy - as another data point, when DP and I bought our house, our mortgage broker asked which of us to put first on the application (me). Main contact was with me as agreed (DP worked in another city at that point so would have been very inconvenient if they'd called him for appointments etc). I did the initial booking of appointments but I do remember DP being the one who phoned to make an offer, so if they'd been sexist arseholes I suppose they could have used that as an "excuse" to switch. They didn't. That's what normal behaviour should be.

I am also quite polite. But after initial interactions, politeness from me is something earned. They haven't been respectful of you, so I don't think they've earned your respect or politeness.

God, I'm going to have to finally bite the bullet and try a cup aren't I... pretty much everyone who does seems to love them, and I'm having loads of hassle with leaking too..

House buying I managed everything (visited broker together - but he had DP's number immediately and contacted me for everything).

Rental agencies on the other hand - despite never having met DP (he could have been a figment of my imagination) sent plenty of stuff to him - including vital paperwork, when they knew he was going to be away for a fortnight (lucky I open his post) and me being the primary contact on everything.

The only time ever I didn't correct a rental agent who called me Mrs I got asked who I was sharing a 1-bed flat with.

I have found my inner rage and am now channeling it massively....

We got the formal mortgage offer through yesterday

Well, I say 'we', it wasn't addressed to the little woman, only the big strong man.....

Oh, my name is in there, hidden on page 3 as the 'other borrower', but not mentioned anywhere else, as .. well.. I wouldn't ever want to make any decisions, would I?

The fact it was only addressed to my partner has literally made me go ballistic... (hence why I'm writing this before work )

I've just fired off a polite, yet curt emails, inquiring as to why the letter wasn't also addressed to me and stating that I am not happy that this is a joint mortgage application, yet only one of us seems to be getting regular updates. There is literally no way they can justify this apart from gender... I've got the larger salary, My name comes first the alphabet (both forename and surname)... I've got my Dr title on there, so it's not even a 'The title dictates who gets put on there'....

The way I feel at the moment, I'd rather lose the house than have to be the 'other party' and not be a joint equal in this process.

Annoyed++

Unfortunately not....