Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

[AbortionFairyGodmother]

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

Jesus, we need an edit button. I really dont want mn to report the OP.

Report her to who exactly ? You don't know that she's broken any laws.

I think the anger at the OP would be more productive if aimed at reducing the factors that necessitate her services.

1. ANYTHING can be potentially triggering to someone. Not just the big obvious flashwords.
2. If we're so worried about people's reactions to stuff on Internet forums, why not ban any use of the word abortion?
3. If we're really going to decide that actually the problem is the 'flippant' coupling of the words abortion and fairy godmother, then I'm pretty sure there's hundreds of user names that someone else could perceive some subjective issue with because it 'belittles' an issue that's important to them.
4. Really, people need to accept that some women really fucking need and want abortions. Just because some other women have a different experience, and have a very painful and negative experience of abortion, doesn't alter that first fact in the slightest. Nor does referring to the first fact mean that you're ignoring or belittling the experience of the people in the latter group.

Are you a pharmacist OP? Are you legally allowed to do what you are doing?

I'm pro-choice, I think every woman has a right to a safe, legal place where they can access what they need. I don't think sending pills around the world is the answer, but you are obviously passionate about the cause you support.

Your username does not bring up positive connotations to me and many other people. You won't get people on your side with a username like that.

I'm pretty sure legally you should be doing what you are doing, either.

Women have been campaigning for RR for years in ROI and look what it's got them? NI is even worse; this is a part of the UK where, because of religious fundamentalist, orange and green, a woman has to be in extremis before she can access a termination. Even the courts in the UK have decided that a woman from NI must have an abortion privately and not on the NHS, due to devolution.

The UK is used a dumping ground for these woman becuasue 'holy Ireland' cannot abide the thought of abortion on it's soil. It can cost upwards of £300. That is a lot of money to me but it's possible that I may be able to get hold of it in an emergency. Imagine what it's like for those that can't.

There was a thread in Chat recently by a poster in Ireland, who had an unwanted pregnancy and needed a UK address to post abortion pills to. That's the reality for women not so far away from here. Services like the OP's make that intolerable situation a little easier.

GeorgeYeats - I agree totally, but in a safe, legal way. Of course the OP could be doing it this way, I have no idea.

Bigchocfrenzy - I don't like abortion, however i understand that for some, it is a necessity. What worries me is sending abortion pills to women with no medical exam whatsover. it could be doing no end of harm.

Womb, I'm coming late to the party

Your original NN confused me to as to wether its wearer was pro- or anti-abortion.

Personally, I don't like the work 'abortion'; I prefer the much clearer 'termination' and 'miscarriage', depending.
And I have an intense dislike of fairies , so really, really like your new name much better.

I applaud your activism

All of those concerned about the medical risk, may wish to consider the medical risk of backstreet terminations, pregnancy and childbirth and the social/emotional/financial cost of an unwanted child.

I don't 'like' terminations either and I am aware how lucky I am that I have never had to consider whether I would put myself forward for one or not, so I've not had one. BUT I could've had one should I have needed a termination.
If you don't like termination of pregnancy, well, then don't terminate.
Don't make that judgement for anybody else.

OP, I was brought up in a country with no access to legal abortion and very limited access to contraception, and I salute you.

Whatever name you choose to use.

I have no problem what the OP does. I think it's laudable.

the name is grim,abortions are something that is sometimes necessary but not to be celebrated ,we live in a world where contraception is so freely accessible (1st world ) to the point of it being thrown at us, we need to tackle why the level of unwanted /unplanned pregnancy is still so high, and are you legally regulated op? just 'sending women abortion pills' like diet pills in the post

I must admit I did do a bit of a double take on your user name!

However, I have seen far worse names on MN, that for some reason or other, have been allowed to stand (MN scared of offending the regulars maybe? I don't know)

Also, not so long ago, lots and lots of people complained about some of the disgusting titles on the conception/fertility boards. They found them offensive. But those were allowed to stand as well.
People were told to simply 'ignore'.

MN have some very strange rules and regulations. They are not always consistent with things.

Personally, I think that MN should review their whole reporting system.
I think there is too much reporting of petty things going on.
Don't agree with someone? I know, Lets go tell on them.

To me, hitting the report button is the grownup version of something a child would do:

''I don't like you - I'm telling teacher''

It's pathetic and immature.

When it comes to usernames, I don't particularly like EatshitDerek's username (even though I really enjoy reading her posts) because I have an uncle called Derek, who is dying), but I wouldn't dream of reporting her, because - guess what, it's just a name and I'm an adult who chooses not to be offended.

If the type of people who get so easily offended and upset by names were to come across some genuinely offensive, upsetting things in their lives, I dread to think how the special little snowflakes will cope.

I report and shall continue to do so. I leave it to MNHQ to take whatever action they deem fit. I don't even mind it when I get a deletion myself. It doesn't happen often and it's generally perfectly justified troll hunting

I like the fact that personal attacks are deleted. They should be. I don't understand why some people can't disagree with other posters without being of obnoxious about it.

If you don't like a moderated forum then why stay. There are plenty of unmoderated forums out there.

It might be labour intensive for mumsnet staff, but I don't think posts are deleted unless the guidelines have been breached.

Yy merry. I have reported a few posts, some reports got a "TA, yep, that's a troll!" And some a "we see your point but it's not quite a PA so we will just keep an eye" - a report doesn't equal a deletion.

I think it was the juxtaposition of the two terms that caused confusion and inaccurate assumptions about the OP and her agenda.

But the word abortion in itself is not the issue. I am a MH professional and have been on MN for many years under several NN. In my opinion (I await flaming) MN is a forum where 'triggering' as a term is often misused and over - used.

I have worked with many women who are victims of rape/domestic violence/abusive relationships. And many women who have had abortions.

'Triggering' in the real sense is usually complex and entirely individual and is usually IME related to triggers that are difficult to identify but often smells/certain environments/bodily sensations/tastes.

Occasionally words mat be a trigger. But IME they are usually not clinical/legal terms and as the OP says - more likely to be 'cunt' or similar as the victim recollects that being spoken to them during a traumatic incident and are terms that many people don't read/hear every day. But MN NN containing cunt are deemed acceptable.

And they should be in my opinion. Very few people are triggered by words on a page and if we include everything that might trigger someone - we'd be left with little to say.

If someone is genuinely triggered by words like abortion/rape then I'd be surprised that they were able to use MN at all. Or newspapers or watch the news/films/tv programmes because they are terms that are everyday and occur all the time.

If people were confused about the juxtaposition of abortion and fairy godmother - fair enough.

Objecting to the word abortion - very different and not acceptable to expect people not to use it or complain at having to read it.

And OP - I salute you as a strong and brave woman helping those that don't feel strong.

I cant think of any point in my life where I would be offended by a user name (unless it was 'tiredemma is a c**t' perhaps)

• should read women that aren't in a strong position.

Username - fine, freedom of speech etc

Activism - great, of course women should have access to abortion services

Posting out abortion pills without any medical support - yikes. What if they take the pills too late term? What about when the pills fail (which they do) and the baby is born with medical issues because the support wasn't there? Surely OP that can't be safe? Or how do you deal with those issues?

mumsnet has more women who are in the adoptive mum class than the birth mum class, so for them adoption is sweet, not traumatic

You really have no idea about adoption if you think that adoption is sweet for adoptive parents. Absolutely none.

And I agree that your previous username was distasteful, and smacks of narcissism.

you haven't clarified what youre foing is legal and above board? are you medically qualified?

*doing