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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

That study about men expecting women to physically move out the way...

128 replies

WorkingBling · 19/02/2015 16:17

... I thought it was an American thing. "In England, if nothing else, men have that naturally English chivalry thing going on" I thought.

Hahaha. I am 36 weeks pregnant. Bad back. Belly the size of a small whale. My ability to make quick direction changes is completely gone and frankly, even if I could turn sideways in an effort to make myself smaller, it would be a complete waste of time as clearly I'd actually double the space I take up.

And do you know what? I get bashed by a man at least twice a day on my way into and out of the City - today I had three bashes from grown men and one from a teenager where, even though the father was giving his three children a hard time for being a bit boisterous, he saw the teenager smack into me but said nothing about that to either one of us.

I've also had a few men staring me down as they approach, making it clear they expect me to move out of the way quickly. And when they do bash me, I don't even get that instinctive English apology where everyone says sorry.

The weirdest thing is that I bet some of these men would let me go first through a door or possibly give me a seat on the tube. But when walking on the pavement, I am expected to move. And move fast.

I can't believe I had never noticed it before.

OP posts:
sanquhar · 20/02/2015 16:53

i have never experienced this myself, that i have consciously noticed anyway, but i live in a small rural market town where men of all ages fling themselves out of the way of oncoming women.

perhaps it's an urban thing. next time im in the, not london, city i'll do my own experment.

NimpyWWindowmash · 20/02/2015 16:57

I wonder if it is a height thing.

At6ft1 I havenot(physically) been pushed around in London.

It is a sort of horrible primeval thing, isn't it?

antimatter · 20/02/2015 17:01

I think the most dangerous in London is people leaving in and out of tube at the rush hour.

I far more prefer M25 at 5 AM Grin

ErrolTheDragon · 20/02/2015 17:14

I'm only 5'1" and don't find I get too much problem but that may be because I tend to walk assertively. The only time I did find I was bumping into people was when I moved to the US - that was my fault, I hadn't realised that I do tend to walk on the left. As soon as I corrected to local practice all was well.

tribpot · 20/02/2015 19:02

The City does have a particular vibe at rush hour, since the vast majority of the people in it are trying to get as fast as possible from public transport to their office or vice versa - the proportions are vastly different from virtually anywhere else. What this does mean is that the City is a really nice place to be at all other times than rush hour, as it's quiet for London and quite chilled.

Hats off to anyone who commutes on the Tube whilst pregnant. I could not have stood it. I started a new job at 32 or 33 weeks and had to use a hot desk that was quite narrow, I couldn't even bear that much proximity to other people, never mind sardined inside a Tube train.

ManOfSpiel · 20/02/2015 20:20

Lol at so many people saying that it's an 'xyz' thing. With so many amateur theories, shirley it confirms that it isn't anything at all.

The only thing I can conclude is that it seems like a lot of people want to attach meaning to stuff Wink

NimpyWWindowmash · 20/02/2015 20:28

Well primarily it is a rudeness thing!

NutellaLawson · 20/02/2015 20:44

A few months back I was walking down the stairs at a tube station ain, holding the handrail because I had a baby in a front carrier so could not see my feet and was very nervous on these unfamiliar stairs. Most people moved so I could stay holding the handrail but one woman refused to and glared at me .

Was that one of you lot doing your experiments? Hmm?

(I held my ground and she went around me in the end. I wasnt going to risk falling down the stairs with my baby on the front)

BuffytheThunderLizard · 20/02/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yops · 20/02/2015 21:18

I think we are all guilty of being a little self-absorbed and unaware of others at times. However, for some people it seems to have become a lifestyle choice. In my experience, you can't attribute this behaviour just to one gender though.

Indantherene · 20/02/2015 21:56

I'm not in London.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 20/02/2015 22:14

I commute into a big London station and this is a bloke thing. If I'm waiting for my train standing alone on the edge of the crowd looking at the boards, many men will walk past me and bump into me (sometimes disconcertingly hard, and not women). If I stand next to a man this doesn't happen. If I stand next to a man I am always the one who gets asked to move when people want to cut though the crowd, never the bloke next to me. Men are allowed to occupy space, women are less entitled to do so.

antimatter · 20/02/2015 22:19

I am in London tomorrow so will observe however weekend crowd is more relaxed.
I am always the one to give way though so will be interesting to watch other dynamics.

Branleuse · 20/02/2015 22:21

its cos its london innit. Theyre all always in a hurry

Yops · 20/02/2015 22:37

I am not denying that men do it. But are people saying that women don't do it? Or that they do it for different reasons?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 20/02/2015 22:41

Women say they get bumped into a lot, mainly by men. Surely that's fairly self-explanatory?

Yops · 20/02/2015 22:43

Some are, some aren't. Nutella at 20:44, for example. So, that hasn't been explained. Does it matter?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 20/02/2015 22:59

Oh ok then. The exception in this case doesn't prove the rule, the rest of us are just imagining things.

Yops · 20/02/2015 23:18

You are refusing to acknowledge that this could be a phenomenon that transcends genders. You are putting words into my mouth. You seem to require me to quote everyone who was bumped into by a woman, myself included, which I am sure you will then choose to ignore. You are ignoring everything that doesn't suit your narrative to shoehorn it into your skewed view of the world. Well done you.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 20/02/2015 23:30

I'm not requiring you to do anything. Calm down dear.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 20/02/2015 23:34

Oooh oooh ... if only there was some concrete scientificy type evidence to establish that male privilege in public space exists.

You know like a man coming onto a thread in Feminism to explain that a well-established gendered phenomenon has nothing to do with gender.

peacoat · 21/02/2015 00:22

I've noticed something potentially similar - also London.

When I badly sprained my ankle and was on crutches for about 10 days, it was more common that NO-ONE gave me a seat on the train and ended up standing for the entire trip on crutches. I was fucking livid. Point is, not sure if a gender thing or not.

The bus wasn't so bad for some reason.

vinegarandbrownpaper · 21/02/2015 02:55

in my experience I have the majority of days when I am going with the flow and other days less often when I have to get where I want, am getting annoyed by oeople who look like they might be or about to be getting in my way and when I want to go faster than the mass plod.. and also days where I notice every little annoyance or social ' battle ' tbh those days I am kind of looking for the next thing to be a bit annoyed about and its kind of like the being pissed off givesme that extra energy. Statistically a lot of people are going to be on one of those days and notice the suicidal battles and record them on a good day you don't notice then at alll but they are still there just not magnified in focus. I think all genders get them tbh. Some thickos of both genders sort of blunder-to-win and some people are bullies and want to 'win' each doorway, stairway, escalator etc.. and they are the ones who also moan about 'losing' If I was on a day trying to 'win' and a day 'noticing' it would be a day I would complain about how annoying other people are.

VenusRising · 21/02/2015 04:23

I've noticed that men don't get out of the way, but I don't think it's personal, I think they are mono tasking on walking and don't seem to notice anything else. Perhaps they are chewing gum at the same time, which probably completly overloads their circuits. Bless.

SPD makes you highly aware of not being able to negotiate the public spaces easily... I used to stop and let people walk wherever they wanted in front of me- I just could not step to the side, my legs would only go forward in tiny steps.

I've also noticed that no one gets out of the way when you've a buggy, and it's necessary to remind people that you can't actually levitate with the damn thing, so they will have to move.

I was walking with a buggy ones day and met two colleagues and neither of them even looked at me or my baby.... They walked right by, either side, and neither even glanced at the woman on maternity leave with the buggy. Now that was weird, as I had only been off for about two months at that stage.

I never get out of the way now for a big busy man or a spready out man. I put my handbag on a spready out man's knee the other day on the train, as he had left me no room at all, and he thought I was making a move on him... that is until I shifted my wet umbrella onto his knee as well. He harrumphed and glared at me. And they say romance is dead.....

Fugghetaboutit · 21/02/2015 06:40

Nutella Hmm yes that was us women bumping into you with a baby when we are talking about men bumping into us.