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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

housework

88 replies

Iheartu · 12/02/2015 23:02

I'll probably get everyone shouting at me, but why is it not obvious that men don't do half of housework?

If women are only working 70% (or whatever) as much as men, then it wouldn't be equality if it was all shared in the house. More men work longer hours so less men do housework. When as many women are in fulltime employment then as many men will do the chores? It seems pretty obvious.

that won't happen though. Not till men have babies LOL

OP posts:
ChunkyPickle · 13/02/2015 11:41

I think there's a difference between speak for and evangelise for - and I think feminism evangelises for women rather than speaks for them.

The vast majority of feminists believe not that you have to work, but that you should have the choice to if you want to. They may also think that it is wise to keep your hand in and not give up your career to give you a safety net for the future, but still, they fundamentally believe that it's up to you what you do with your life and you shouldn't be forced down a particular route just because you have a vagina.

tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 11:43

Repeating something does not make it true.

I consider myself a feminist and am free to choose what I do, I make those choices based on what is best for me and my family, not based on which set of sex organs I happen to have.

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 12:10

Agree with chunky and tab

scallopsrgreat · 13/02/2015 12:21

"I say this again. Men used to put pressure on women to stay at home have babies and do all the housework. Now feminists put pressure on women to have a career, give their children to nurserys - oh, other women btw! - and refuse to do wifework."

Men still put pressure on women to do all the housework. Feminists generally put pressure on men to stop being assholes towards women. And support women in the process.

Again, if you have equal leisure time, equal money to spend and you are happy with the split of work i.e. One person doesn't have all the shit jobs and the other all the hero jobs then you have an equal relationship and everyone is very happy for you.

slug · 13/02/2015 12:21

So how does your version of straw feminism manage to cope with my DH who spent many years as a SAHD doing half the housework?

Now that he's back at work but I'm earning 65% of the household income, what proportion should:
He do?
I do?
DD do?

scallopsrgreat · 13/02/2015 12:25

Ahh yes children doing housework. They don't earn any money. We should get them doing it all. If they are old enough to push a Hoover, they are old enough to do the hoovering, I say.

Original poster
Iheartu · 13/02/2015 12:38

Feminists generally put pressure on men to stop being assholes towards women.

So its best sorted out at the level of an individual couple. But you dont think little women can loko after themselves so feminists want to march into other ppls houses and ON BEHALF of all women tell men to stop being assholes. Got it.

slug its no less simple or obvious. You do the most work, he does the most housework. Thats my point - its that same if you want to look at your DATA and see that women earn less overall.

Or he could watch CSI and snark at ppl on the internets. HAHA

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 12:41

There are feminists marching into your house?

I think you have bigger issues than housework tbh...do these feminists speak to you? Can anyone else see or hear them?

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 12:43

iheart

Going to leave csi for this afternoon, I've just realised I haven't finished watching supernatural

You've got to plan things carefully I find...

Oh and I've no interest in marching into anyone's house Shock unless it's for coffee and cake and even then I would probably saunter

scallops My children have to clean their bedrooms and their playroom, DH does bathroom and toilet, I do the rest...see planning again

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 12:44

Or lollop

I could lollop into someone's house, it's not as graceful but it's a good word

slug · 13/02/2015 12:52

But. We work the same hours. The fact that I'm paid more than him is irrelevant, we both contribute to the household. We both live in the house and we both create the mess (though I'm prepared to admit 13 year old DD is the major contributor to this) be both and even, occasionally, the child need to eat. Hmm

Are you, perhaps, misunderstanding the gender pay gap? Women don't earn 15% less than men because they work less hours. They earn 15% less than men because of structural patriarchy.

Would you like me to explain the maths to you? I used to teach GCSE maths, it's about the same level.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 13/02/2015 12:59

Sorry, I'm rather busy at work right now, but I can pencil you in for a quick "looking down my nose" session around 1600, if that will make you happy?

It won't make me happy, because, as a rule, I don't look down my nose at SAHM, however, if that's what you demand of feminists, I could make myself do it?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 13/02/2015 13:00

Rufus, have you considered a strut? More purposeful than a lollop. Gets you to the cake quicker.

scallopsrgreat · 13/02/2015 13:08

But there are a patterns that repeat themselves throughout households. The personal is political. That is what feminists tackle, not uninvited individual cases. We look at the structures in place that create the imbalances we see. Or some of us do. Because feminists aren't a hive mind, but generally we all recognise and understand privilege and how that manifests itself in power/status differences.

I'm enjoying the image of marching into your house uninvited and telling your partner he's an asshole, though Grin.

My partner doesn't do less work than me (in or out of the home). He earns less though. Dilemma, dilemma. What can I do? He's asleep at the moment btw. Maybe I should wake him up and tell him to do the dusting not that either of us know where the dusters are?

tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 13:21

You can all march round to mine and call my partner an asshole if you want...he's mostly not, but it'd be entertaining and I wouldn't want people getting out of practise.

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 13:49

if

Oooh I like that!! I can totally see me doing that, in a Saturday night fever way (but without the flares...they do nothing for me)

tab

Depends....is there cake?

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 13:51

Just had a brilliant idea

I could jump out of a cake, dressed in dungarees while yelling "asshole"

tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 13:55

Ooh you could sing it...the da da da da bit of the proclaimers I would walk five hundred miles kind of lends itself to, you're an asshole...

Though that's more cake than I was really planning on...

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 14:00

I'm not sure I would want to eat it after I'd been sat in it to be honest

tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 14:08

I kind of assumed you'd be in a hollowed out bit rather than actually covered in cake?

The feminist hive mind should really cover this sort of stuff if we're supposed to be doing it.

INickedAName · 13/02/2015 14:11

Trouble is you want it all ways. Im not going back to work and why should I put up with people asking me when im going back then looking down there nose at me cos im going to look after my son properly.

It sounds like you are the one judging and looking down noses. You're implying that not staying at home isn't looking after dc properly. There's more than one way to do things,

You have a set up that works for you, that's great, but that set up doesn't work for everyone else and they should be able to choose what is right for them.

I've been both the main earner and also the sahp, a full months wage for me is quarter what dh can earn in a week so I've been mostly the sahp, I do the bigger bulk of housework, not because I have to, or because it's what dh expects, but because I want to, some days I'll do a lot, some days I'll do fuck all. Weekends the very bare minimum is done and everyone pitches in (mostly dh and dd as I'm in bed til 10am) so that we can all doss about together or whatever.

I've never felt judged or looked down upon btw, I've seen lots of slagging off of wohp though, I used to work in a day nursery and the amount of bitching about parents (mostly mums) registering babies for full time places was quite vile.

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 14:29

tab

Still wouldn't be keen

Every time I ever see the cake scene in Under Siege I have two thoughts

A) why doesn't she pluck her eyebrows!!! It's a bloody monobrow

B) I wouldn't touch that cake!!

I'm a bit worried about what that says about me Confused

tabulahrasa · 13/02/2015 14:39

I'm now a little bit worried about what the fact that eating previously jumped out of cake wouldn't occur to me as a problem says about me, lol.

RufusTheReindeer · 13/02/2015 15:07

tab

3 kids, no pelvic floor......that's all I'm saying

PetulaGordino · 13/02/2015 15:13

it doesn't really matter whether women have children or not, stay at home with children or work full time, part time, or not. either way, they will be judged and they will be statistically likely to be doing more than their fair share of the housework - the men in their lives are likely to be spending more time pleasing themselves. it really matters very little what a woman does and whether it's her own choice or foisted on her by circumstances or someone else. she will be judged for it