Feminist Pub 17: The Bluestocking frolics in the fells and fens of feminism

[AKnickerfulOfMenace]

This is the 17th incarnation of the Feminist Pub!

Here be goats, cannons and chat on feminism and related themes. Also snacks. And booze, copious booze.

Welcome!

My lackeys did me a nice breakfast in bed then jumped in a wriggled whilst I ate it!

My chief lackey has taken the younger one to his guitar lesson. So, it's just me and the hounds this morning. Oh, and the MiL, but she's busy eBaying, so it's rather blissful.

Might go for a small yomp later. Might not.

I got breakfast in bed too - made by DD (10) and DS (9) without any assistance from DH. The tea was pretty good (DS spent last week practising making tea), the porridge was, erm, less successful. I also got coldtoast and cheese and biscuits. They are so proud of themselves

I got a card from dd2 that she made at school. I actually got it on Friday night because she was too excited to wait til today to give it to me Then I suggested that she might like to make one for Nan and grandma too, so she crossed out mummy and wrote Nan instead So my card is being given to mil, I suspect neither of us is entirely happy with this outcome

Dd1 gave me a pencil case filled with multi coloured biros because I'm always complaining that I can't find a pen to mark with.

Oh, I forgot I name changed, I'm sure you'll figure out who I am, or not, depending how much you care

Good morning!

All the ferrying about yesterday ended successfully. Now for doing nothing.

Is this Mothers' day? Do people care? My mother always said it was nonsense and I'm not bothered about it either. The main lackey serves breakfast in bed most weekends.

Yes, it's mother's day, . No, I don't care, but school seems to make sure that primary age dcs make a card, and dd1, although she's now a teenager, has just carried on with little presents. It's just another day really, but I suppose I'd better ring my mum later.

It isn't here and we always send cards late as it's quite hard to remember. MIL informed DH that he would be phoning her, because an enforced phone call to a narc is a sign of filial affection.

kickass. I guess I'd better phone my mother up too (whom I avoid the rest of the year)!

I don't really care either, but this year DS's homework was 'give your mum the best Mother's Day ever' so I'm trying to be enthused for his sake. I suppose I'd better phone my mother...

My mum has gone. And my DH is outside, still trying to fix my car. The kids have disappeared upstairs, so I am watching the food channel in peace.

Obliette it bothers me that schools do this.

I'm pretty hard-hearted on the "safe spaces for students at uni where certain things can't be discussed because they might once have happened to someone" stuff. Students - you are grown- ups. And privileged ones. Thinking about difficult stuff is part of the deal.

But a class project about giving Mum the best mother's day ever seems very problematic and full of assumptions.

I do recall my son coming home with Mother's Day card at least once. I never raised with the school whether or not they considered if in all classes it was appropriate. The primary classes were small and there was a very high level of parental engagement so possibly they had thought about it and decided it was fine.

I don't remember doing these in my primary in the late 60s early 70s. What I'm not sure about if that was just my class (a small village school and the teachers knew one boy was in long term fostering and that I was brought up by my grandfather as my mother lived and worked abroad with only occasional visits to the UK and therefore avoided it because of the 2 of us) or if the school as a whole didn't bother.

When I was a kid you were expected to go to church as it was a religious event. Sometimes a daffodil was given to kids to hand to their mums. Job done. I think me dad used to get a card and we signed it and handed it over.

There are only 17 children in DS's class (private prep school). His teacher knows all the parents, so I suppose there isn't much of a risk. I just find the idea of Mother's Day a bit old-fashioned. Wasn't it about letting your maids have a tiny bit if time off to visit their mothers?

Oubliette my son's school was the same. I thought the concept of it was what you say.

Kickass, daffodils are still given at Mothering Sunday services.

We have all had a nice day. I like special days where there's a kick to think of something planned to do (went to NT property, now DH doing roast with the DCs) - we might do similar on a regular Sunday but it's a prompt.

And I love the cards that come home from school. They do Fathers' Day as well.

I don't object to the idea of there being a special day commemorating mothers. Why would that be such a problem? Guessing it's the forced commemorating of anything (sounds like a death but not sure what other word to use), well for just one day of the year it doesn't hurt to celebrate the people who (in theory) look(ed) after us. I speak as someone with a minimal relationship with their mother.

Interesting discussion on whether the invention of the washing machine was more important than that of the vacuum cleaner in terms of freeing women from domestic drudgery.

What was the conclusion? Having spent time in places with no electricity, and having had to prioritise buying of household items very carefully due to lack of funds (and back then, lack of Freecycle or similar), I would always, always go for a washing machine, way above a vacuum. I don't mind sweeping and washing floors by hand. Have admittedly never attempted to remove and beat a fully fitted carpet by hand, but then if one had to do all the cleaning by hand, one wouldn't have fully fitted carpets.

I suspect beating carpets can be quite good for getting out some frustration in a way that hand washing never will be. I am not good at hand washing and detest it when I have to do it, and when I had the opportunity, I ended up paying others to do it when I was travelling. I can scrub a floor by hand though. And I was always fascinated by my great-aunt's mangle. I don't mind using one of those with the washed and still-wet clothes. And I am aware of the safety issues with fingers and so on.

(Yet again, I need to point out I am not actually Victorian.)

Why would that be such a problem?

I can see that being a very big problem for a child in care or otherwise without a mother. I would hope that schools take that into consideration when making children make cards.

If I'm honest I don't get why there needs to be a special day commemorating mothers.

Mothering Sunday was originally for the maids, or anyone working away, to go home to their mother church (and therefore also probably see their mothers). IIRC. Not sure if it was always second Sunday in March, but definitely a Lent / spring thing.

I don't mind it,but some of the poems and cards assume and reinforce only a traditional family dynamic.

Actually, each step forwards in domestic appliances has led to an increase in cleanliness levels. So the work becomes les physical but the expectations rise. The only way to avoid hours of housework is to have low expectations of how often to clean things.

Mothering Sunday was traditionally the fourth Sunday in Lent. These days in Britain, Mothers' Day is the third Sunday in Lent, as that spreads out the celebrations a bit for the likes of Hallmark. Other countries go for totally different days entirely.

And yes, I know about the rise of domestic appliances and increased expectations of cleanliness, and I think anyone entering my house will realise I mostly don't have high expectations. However, I do prefer to aim for a certain level of hygiene, so I focus more on the kitchen and bathroom than dusting and polishing the bookshelves. But I don't think we can get away from housework entirely, even if I only do the dusting about once a year. (It's nearly coming up to that time, I was thinking only yesterday that it looks a bit thick.) Even I was a bit disgusted when I found the mummified mice skeletons under the sofa, which had clearly been there quite some time... (Haven't had a visiting cat for a while, so shouldn't have a repeat of that.)

IIRC Mothering Sunday (as distinct from mother's day today) was a time when people went on pilgrimage to their mother church, so their local Cathedral or main parish church, or sometimes the one they were born near on the 4th Sunday in Lent for the Laetare Sunday services, it was a day of remission from the austerity of Lent and churches were often decorated with flowers. (Not the usual Lenten thing).

It fell out of favour after a while, even though it's in the book of Common Prayer, and then was taken up by some woman in America to celebrate motherhood. Weirdly, some of the traditions have persisted and others haven't. Plus, I don't know anyone outside of a religious house who observes the true Lenten Fast anymore, so remission from it is pointless.

Having also lived in places without electricity or running water, I'd agree that the washing machine is WAY more important than the bloody hoover! There's something really decadent about being able to just throw clothes into a washing machine on visits to people's houses when you've been washing yours in a bloody copper you've had to fill using buckets and then wringing through a lethal mangle.... Hoovering is for people who have the time to do it (or a lack of lackeys who want money to buy guitars)

We also concentrate on kitchen and bathroom. The other things don't seem very important.

Washing machine over hoover, definitely. I operate the washing machine, but not the hoover. I like my dust where I can see it.