Feminist Pub 17: The Bluestocking frolics in the fells and fens of feminism

[AKnickerfulOfMenace]

This is the 17th incarnation of the Feminist Pub!

Here be goats, cannons and chat on feminism and related themes. Also snacks. And booze, copious booze.

Welcome!

sorry/good to hear that hoppy - it saves a difficult decision if nothing else! and always good to get interview experience and feedback

I'm training the DC to look for things. Just thinking back to what you've done the last few hours. So far one or two successes.

hoppy Hope something more suitable comes along!

Hello everyone.

Just wanted a little moan and was hoping for a bit of advice, hope it's ok to post here, I didn't think it was important enough to warrant a seperate thread.

Dd (10) has really long hair, it just past her bum, she hates wearing it down and has it in a plait almost all of the time, we read something a few weeks ago about cut hair being donated to make wigs for children who may have lost their hair, dd asked yesterday if she could have her hair cut to shoulder length and donate her cut hair. I'm going to book her an appointment and dd is really excited.

Today when she came out of school her bobble had snapped so her was down, the mums I was stood with all started running their hands through dds hair, telling her how pretty she was with it down and she should wear it like that more often, dd then told them she getting it cut and why , one of my friends said to her "that's a shame, you're very pretty with it long" dd just said " there's more important things than being pretty" and then we left, I know I should have said something myself and I feel shitty for not doing so,I wasn't expecting it and I got nervous but I'm very proud of dd though for just brushing it off.

There will be more comments like that once other people are told or see her after her hair is cut, dd doesn't give a toss but I want to speak out if it happens again, what's the best way of dismissing those type of comments without being confrontational?

I think that what DD said was perfect. Ask her if she wants you to say something first, or what she'd like to say? Have you talked about how people will react when they see her? It can be quite a shock how much attention she'll get by doing that. Ask her how much she wants to be outspoken - would she be comfortable with the 'stop going on about my hair because Im a girl? kind of response.

FWIW, I think a 10 year old saying something cheerfully can get away with more than you could say.

Whichever of you it was that recommended I read Margaret Atwood has my undying gratitude. I started with The Blind Assassin, which I mostly worked out bar one twist that I should've seen, and went on to The Handmaid's Tale, which is possibly the most disturbing book I've ever read. It's still very believable though, which is probably the most disturbing thing about it.

It appears DD1 is embracing feminism but is in denial about it, claiming it's egalitarianism. :o

NickedAName I think your DD's response was perfect. Well done her!

The Handmaid's Tale was certainly one of the scariest books I've read. I never found any other of Margaret Atwood's books to have quite the same impact as that one, but I know lots of people disagree and they are wrong

Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind me intruding but I couldn't help overhearing INickedAName and wanted to say, whenever people have said to me, "Omg your hair! You cut your hair?" I'd look shocked and say "No I didn't! It must have fallen out."

I am totally going to steal that one fo.

My hair is currently very short. My mum keeps sighing sadly at it.

Thank you for the advice.
Dd understands that she will get comments and she herself doesn't care as is confident in herself to speak up. I cut mine about a year ago, nothing drastic but she saw the comments I got. Shes also had a lot comments about her not wearing dresses and wearing joggers so has a little stock of comebacks. fosho that is exactly the type of thing dd would say. I'm secretly pleased she wants it cutting as it's a pain to maintain.

I'll let dd speak herself as long as she feels confident to and step in if she looks intimidated or on the verge of wanting to say fuck off. :)

Thank you again everyone.

Your dd sounds fab. I went from bum length hair to shoulder length-ish at a similar age and I loved it. No more massive weight pulling on my head and giving me headaches, no getting up early to brush and plait it, no staying up waiting for it to dry. Practically everyone was complimentary.

I need a mini rant today. Trying to phone the local family planning clinic to book an appointment for nearly an hour. Line constantly busy, but I'm not surprised. The booking line is only open in the morning, and the clinic only open 1 afternoon a week. Bloody NI. Of all places that could do with family planning being more accessible.

19th March, the earliest appointment for a consultation they can give me. Fucking hell. That or cough up about £175 to get an implant fitted at Marie Stopes in Belfast. Oh and £64 for the consultation on top.

Fuck me.

1 afternoon a week?!

Yep, only Thursdays for my nearest. And apparently, I was lucky to get an appointment in March. Some clinics are booked through till May.

it's like they don't want women to have control over their own fertility. oh wait...

That's ridiculous, Enormous - cheaper (but obv. not as convenient) to get on the next easyjet flight to Manchester.

I thought that too freddie. I've just gotten off the phone to bpas and I'd be charged a similar amount to Marie stopes. I thought I'd be able to get LARC at a reduced amount as I had booked my termination with them.

Apparently not, their reduced fees only apply at the time of abortion.

I wish I had got it done then but I wasn't thinking straight and just wanted it all over with as quickly as possible.

How does Owen Jones' head not explode from being such a hypocrite?

Enormouse that's so crap, so frustrating they make it so difficult to access contraceptives.

shitting hell enormouse it just adds insult to injury

you shouldn't be in a position where you're trying to sort everything out at once whilst trying to hold it together to get through the travel, procedure, recovery and costs, or lose even more money

Hugs, Enormouse.

I posted this on the Wolf Hall thread but thought maybe I should ask here too in case we have historians active here : I read in Wolf Hall that Wolsey said that Luther said that you shouldn't mourn if your wife died in childbirth because she was doing what God intended (the giving birth, I guess, not the dying ). Did Luther really say that?

petula I thought that I'd be able to go home and then go to the gp and get my contraceptive of choice. Apparently not, he only prescribes the pill.
I'm just really pissed off. I went to the fpa clinic between lectures when I lived in London and got the depo injection.

Sounds like the kind of thing he'd say copper.

Protestant tradition a bit of a thing in my circle when I was growing up, and Luther was always The Good Guy, but I find I'm having to revise a lot of things ...

Damn! You go along living your life as a person and periodically somebody or something reminds you (and not in a good way) that you are only a woman.

Copper wasn't it Duke of Norfolk who clearly couldn't imagine what sort of 'being' Cromwell was, as he wasn't a noble, so called him 'you ... person!'